Correcting Dh’s grammar in front of dd because she’s starting to pick up his way of speaking.

[CocoDeMoll]

I’m not a snob in any way, seriously!!

My dd is 5 and she now attends a little local primary where there are lots of kids from v MC backgrounds and I don’t want her being picked on in the future because she says things wrong. And for the record my own spelling and grammar is shit so I’m not judging.

She’s says ‘them’ instead of ‘those’ as in ‘can I have some of them tomatoes’ and other stuff like that because dh does. Dh doesn’t realise this isn’t correct but doesn’t jump down my throat if I say it isn’t so he’s pretty decent about it. I have no issues with accents or dialects but I feel like down the line she might get further ahead if I correct her from saying stuff like ‘so I tells him’ to ‘so I told him’. AIBU?

It totally depends how you do it. If you are leading you children to believe their father is wrong, then YABU. If you’re pointing out to them that “people from different parts of the country - including your dad and I - say things differently, but here’s the way to say that in school/outside the house” then YANBU. I was raised in Scotland and so we spoke one way (a sort of dialect) at home, with friends etc and another way at school and then later in my working life. I was perfectly able to distinguish the two from a young age.
My daughter’s father uses “them” instead of “those” and it hasn’t held him back in life nor I suspect will it hold my daughter back should she choose to use that form in appropriate circumstances.

To be fair cherry I don’t think op said she was correcting DH, she said she was correcting her 5yo, and DH was ok with it

I’m utterly amazed that someone would think that you are a snob for wanting to speak correctly.

Wether you think the OP Is a snob or not is utterly immaterial because for right or wrong, good or bad we live in a world where people are judged on a daily basis. We are judged on our grammar, accent, clothes, where we come from , where we went to school/university, even our table manners.
Consequently I don’t understand why anybody would see having good grammar as a bad/snobby thing.
There’s more acceptance now over regional accents than ever but not to speak your mother tongue correctly brands you in a negative way- why would you hold back your child by not teaching them how to use their main language correctly??

Here here yorkshire nicely said.
I, myself, have an RP accent, most of my family are northern, my friends range from very broad Scottish to Arabic. Accents and expressions vary, but we all use correct grammar.
That’s the point, nobody is being a snob

I would be very annoyed at constantly being corrected by a partner

Dh and I had this out when dd was still a baby. was/were, sort it out DH

But now that your dd is 5, I think you should ignore it. You're undermining her father in front of her. If you speak correctly and those in her school do as well, she will too. Maybe it will take longer but she will.

How many kids with French parents speak with a french accent? You pick up the accent of those around you, correct her if you like (though not too much, don't put her on edge) but leave him out of it. You don't want her correcting other people as it will hurt their feelings.

Correcting Dh’s grammar in front of dd because she’s starting to pick up his way of speaking.

aintnothingbutaheartache

Correcting grammar I have no problem with, but accents are very personal.

In our house I have a generic northern accent, DH a generic southern England one. We live in the north and our children are generally short a speakers like me. When DH corrects them to say Barth instead of bath, I really bristle as it feels like he’s saying his way of speaking is better than mine!

You’re not wrong to correct her grammar. She will be taught it at school anyway so all you’re doing is helping her along with something she will learn in due course anyway.

I don't think YABU.

Locally, for example, things is thinks and was and were are swapped.

Volunteering in Y6 in the run up to SATS made me realise exactly why we need to teach our children to speak grammatically.

No matter how many times you explained, written work would turn out
"I were with Mum at the shops as we was getting somethink for tea."

Have you discussed this with your DH? If he's keen for your daughter to learn "correct" English, then you can make it a family discussion rather than you sniping at him. Plus, if you correct her rather than him (directly, anyway) it doesn't appear rude in the same way.

riiight didn’t really understand your last post.
It’s not about accents.
It’s not about regional terminology.
It’s about GRAMMAR.
i don’t think op is undermining DH.

It's difficult - my 2 picked similar up at nursery.
I would correct her but not him in the same way that I wouldn't correct a native speaker colleague. She will hear all sorts of accents and hopefully pick up corrections from her peers at school too.
Mostly I would correct by responding/repeating back yes dd of course I can see "those" flying elephants.
I do actually correct dropped h's & t's consistently though.

I'm with you MadMags the confusion of "bought" and "brought" is everywhere!
And it matters because they are the past tenses of 2 entirely different words

Another thing!
It’s not about barth or bath
Book or booook
Up or oop
Gannin or going
It’s about “can I have some of them/those tomatoes “
“I borrowed/lent him my bike”
It matters!

Yes please correct. Is that really a dialect? Sounds uneducated to me.

god, i correct my DHs grammar AND accent daily blush. dont want our children picking up his accent!!!
If that is so dreadfully important, why did you marry him?

The other thing to consider is that it's relatively easy to correct a child and for the understanding and habit of speaking correctly to sink in. Once incorrect usage has been established, it's much harder to correct in an older child/adult. If she's 5, I would definitely persevere.

It’s about GRAMMAR.i don’t think op is undermining DH

My point was you learn to speak like your peers. I won't say use french phrasing because my father happened to be French. It is undermining someone to pick up on their GRAMMAR all the time. It's quite cruel and will teach the girl that it is acceptable.

My last post was responding to your post where you said she wasn't correcting the DH. She is , it's in the title. Also the Op. Also later on she says "nathalie that’s sort of what I worry about. He doesn’t know what’s right or wrong English so I’ve corrected him a few times so he knows but it feels disrespectful."

There's a distinction between an accent and incorrect grammar. I do think it's an advantage to use correct grammar - for a start she'll be able to write accurately. I don' think you sound snobby at all.

The Op can correct her daughter, but you don't have the right to pick up on an adult's grammar. I would find it humiliating if someone felt the need to do it to me.

It's not snobby to want your child to speak English, their FIRST LANGUAGE, correctly!

I'm from Suffolk, so have a thick country bumpkin accent, yet I still speak properly. This isn't about disliking a particular accent or dialect.

"Brought" and "bought" and people saying "Pacific" when they mean "specific" make my eyelid particularly twitchy.

I would definitely correct.

Ds came home from school saying “ain’t” and I cringed. I corrected him every time he said it and now he doesn’t say it anymore.

I’m not perfect with my grammar at all, and I don’t claim to be but I can’t stand people saying “ain’t” and “them” (instead of those etc).

people saying "Pacific" when they mean "specific

Really? I've never heard that one. That's just bizarre.....!

Mind you, I did see a sign in a shop saying "We don't except credit cards" the other day.....!

@NataliaOsipova, I hear "pacifically" all the bloody time and it drives me nuts!