Muttering/shouting colleague - AIBU to raise it?

[catbug]

Firstly, starting last month, I have a colleague seated directly across from me who keeps up a constant muttering/whisper throughout the entirety of the working day. It's what I would describe as an inner monologue (similar to what I'm half thinking while working, 'oh no this part goes here' or 'right then, now I just need to save this and then...'). I'm having trouble in that I'm finding it really very distracting.

More context is that we work in an office (not customer facing if that's relevent), and the work we do is time sensitive. We're targeted quite strictly and they're not easy to attain even when working full pace (or at least that's how it is for me). I am slightly more senior than he is, but only in the sense that I deal with the more complex version of the same type of work. I am permenant staff, he is with us through an agency (this is relatively normal where we work, they have been with us for more than a year now and will be for the foreseeable future).

For context my colleague is autistic (he chose to tell the team this himself). I have heard another member of our team being unkind about his constant talking before, but I have been a coward and not said anything to them directly and just told the line manager. I don't know if he has also heard this but I'd guess that it's likely. With all this being the case, I don't want to cause him any more trouble if possible. In fact in some ways it's easier than the woman who sat there previously, who talked almost as much and also wanted my attention. At least he doesn't mind that I'm trying to concentrate on my work and not on him.

It's been two and a bit weeks now and so I am slowly learning to tune this out. But the second and main thing I am finding troubling is that when things go wrong with work (say, for example the systems are going slow or delete rather than print a document - not uncommon with our ancient systems sadly! A lot of little things go pear-shaped every day) my colleague will raise his voice suddenly and seem to shout the same inner monologue, this time about what is going wrong and his frustration, and sometimes strike/slam the desk/keyboard quite hard. This happens about once every hour or two.

I know it sounds silly, but it really makes me jump every time, and it's making me really dread going in in the morning. So my AIBU is this, would I be unreasonable to talk about this with my colleague? I am fully prepared to be told I can't and need to suck it up. If it would be okay to bring it up, how could I best phrase that I find it very distracting/frightening?

I don't think it would be possible for me to move desks due to how overfull the main office currently is, and how carefully the seating has to be arranged for our equipment. Sorry about all the brackets, I'm not very good at writing things like this.

Noise cancelling headphones? Regardless of his autism, it is unfair that you’re being distracted. Perhaps he just needs to be reminded not to do it?

Maelstrop

That's a good idea, thank you. We can cover one ear to listen to music, but not both. But I don't need to be asked much during the day, so if I can find a discreet style I might be able to get away with it...

If it is a feature of his autism there may be a limit to how much he can control it but that doesn’t mean you should have to be alarmed and distracted at work. Your line manager should speak to the employee about whether there is some way of minimising it. If not Would you be allowed headphones or a radio?

Hmm. That's a tough one, OP. While your organisation may have discussed with him making "reasonable adjustments" in the light of his disability, ie leeway over his behaviour in the office.

The problem that that leeway is distracting & intrusive to neuro-typical co-workers. I'd find the sudden shouting very disturbing (I jump at loud noise & find them distressing sometimes - my issue of course, but not one I would expect to have to deal with that several times a day).

So maybe raise it with your manager informally, to see if there's a better accommodation of both our needs. Maybe your organisation needs to spring for some headphones for you?

your needs

I assume there's a reason you can't do the obvious thing and ask to move desks?

@TedandLola

Yes, there's a limited number of desks kitted out with the (heavy) equipment we need. We used to be quite spread out across the office but obviously it wasn't ideal for the team to be all over the place, so they've recently moved us all together.

I would try the headphones and speak to your manager. They can have a conversation with him as to whether it could be minimised. No matter how nicely or informally you approach it, it's simply not your place.

Hmm, that's a shame.

I don't think you should raise it. EVERYBODY in an office does something that one or more colleagues wishes they would stop doing, but part of working in an office is putting up with that stuff. If he was being aggressive towards you it would be another matter, but muttering and hitting his desk? Really not the end of the world.

Could you get him a foam pad to hit, and just say, I notice when you are stressed you XYZ. when you XYZ it makes me feel ABC, would you mind trying this when you XYZ so that you d not disturb my work.

He probably can't help the muttering and shouting out but he might be able to do something about the desk hitting.

DS 13 has autism and talks to himself constantly so I totally get how annoying it is.

My son has aspergers which has been fantasticallly handled since primary, thankfully. He learned at school that every now and again (about once every hour to 2) he needed a 'time out'. Maybe suggest to your line manager he could be encouraged to have a break every now and again to 'reset'?

I think itll help with the punching at least.

Headphones. Or, if you if you notice he's v stressed offer him a glass of water/any drink so he gets a time out and also learns a coping strategy.

@oldaintallthat

Now that I'm reminded of it, I'm sure we actually had a wellbeing/quiet room on our floor when I first joined. The last I saw of it it was filled with rubbish cardboard boxes. I don't know how many of the agency staff actually know it's there. I'll see if it's still around tomorrow. Even if it's not something he'd like to use, somebody might?

Thats good. Proves they are open to it.
Think we all need a time out at some point

He’d probably massively appreciate the quiet room, we had one for the autistic children at my last school. It was somewhere they didn’t have distractions and could be sure it was quiet with no odd noises or demands. Great for decompressing. I would say, tho, that this is not your problem to resolve. Mention to HR/manager etc, but you don’t have to put anything in place to solve this except maybe some noise cancelling headphones. You have the right to work undistirbed without having a desk thumped. This would make me shit myself, I’m like that mad character on Catherine Tate who screams at tiny noises, I know, it’s pathetic.

Thanks all. Taking on board it's not my place to say anything, nor my problem to solve really. Also does actually help to be reminded its not the end of the world ...

I'll mention about the quiet room to HR tomorrow and then leave it at that.

I have Asperger's, and can be guilty of 'thinking out loud', although I don't do it in a shouty way.

My colleagues are aware of this, and are very good about it, but I have a few coping mechanisms in place: I wear headphones and listen to white noise soundtracks while working (which seems to dull the 'inner narrative' a bit, without disrupting my thinking processes), and I also get up and leave my desk for 'thinking breaks' every 40 minutes or so (just a quick stroll round the building, so not too much time out).

Would it be worth talking to either your colleague or your HR team about something similar?