Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about him and his ex

20 replies

Summerrose10 · 08/08/2018 13:08

Been talking and dating someone for a month now. Things are going very well. He is currently away atm so haven't seen him in a while but still messaging each other.
I went for food with a friend this week and mentioned my dates with him. She knows his ex as they used to be friends years ago but are not any more. She told me to be wary as they are both very off and on.
Me and him have discussed a little bit about him ex at the beginning. He said they were off and on for ages But decided to split for the sake of their child. I asked when they split and it was a few months ago. On my social media notifications he's been recently liking his exes pictures. Although they are of his son. But he told me they didn't get along.
I'm just concerned I'm getting caught up in this and that he will go back to her and I'm left hurt.
AIBU to speak to him and ask are they permanently split this time? I feel maybe now is good to bring it up before I like him even more. WWYD?

OP posts:
Summerrose10 · 08/08/2018 13:34

Bump

OP posts:
Mimmim112 · 08/08/2018 13:39

I just think if you ask him he’s bound to say yes the split is permanent.

Mousefunky · 08/08/2018 13:46

Liking photos of his son is very different to liking a photo of her scantily clad.

Sounds like a complicated situation though, I would err on the side of caution and not get too caught up with him.

Summerrose10 · 08/08/2018 17:22

Yea true he will prob say yes. And it feels like a complicated situation. I do really like him though.

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 08/08/2018 17:23

Why don’t you just give it time?

IceCreamFace · 08/08/2018 17:31

I would be very wary - sounds like he's only just broken up with her after lots of back and forth and they have a son together. Just impossible to say what will happen.

PositiveVibez · 08/08/2018 17:34

Just be very careful you are not a rebound fling if you want a proper relationship with him.

If he has only split up a few months ago and there are children involved, all my guards would be up.

safetyfreak · 08/08/2018 17:45

Only time will tell I am afraid. A lot of times men can move on very quickly into an new relationship.

I dated someone for a month, he never gave himself to me emotionally and he is now back with the mother of his child and engaged.

If you feel this guy is emotionally open to you and the contact is good then there is hope it can work out but just watch out for the signs.

Summerrose10 · 08/08/2018 18:58

I've seen more notifications today of his liking more of her pics but this time him and her kid (not his biological) I'm getting very wary. Should I not ask and give it time or ask upfront so he knows I'm not going to be taken for an idiot

OP posts:
Summerrose10 · 08/08/2018 19:00

Or do you think it would ruin things and put pressure on things if I mentioned if he's over his ex?

OP posts:
Summerrose10 · 08/08/2018 20:06

What should I do? Leave it and say nothing. Walk away. Or talk to him about it when he's back?

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 08/08/2018 21:08

It's only been a month...walk away.
And get rid of FB!!!

Summerrose10 · 08/08/2018 21:29

Ok no need for blunt reply!

OP posts:
violets17 · 08/08/2018 21:40

It's only been a month, try to let things unfold more slowly. He may still be weighing things up in his mind as he doesn't really know you yet. FB is not good for you I don't think. I wouldn't like it if someone I had only been dating a month asked me for clarification regarding an ex as I wouldn't know them very well yet.

nevisbump · 08/08/2018 21:40

She will always be in his life and you need to be able to deal with that. It's only been a month so I would ask him now if there are any feelings and let him know why you are asking, if he's worth it you will work it out if not you can walk away without getting too hurt

violets17 · 08/08/2018 22:15

OP - do you have DC. If he "likes" a photo of her DC it is a good sign it shows that he is open hearted about DCs that aren't his.

But ask yourself this - do you feel better or worse for checking through his FB likes and photos etc.

Done it myself a million times and I always feel bad and left out.

Summerrose10 · 08/08/2018 22:43

Yea I have a DS so that is a positive sign that he is open to dating women with children. And no it doesn't make me feel better. I've just been hurt alot in the past and I guess I've got my guard up and trying to find reasons to walk away to prevent being hurt. But it could be innocent and I'm self sabotaging.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 08/08/2018 22:47

It doesn't sound like youre in a good head space to date right now. Maybe get some counselling over the past bad relationships where you have been hurt a lot. And look at this guy like casually dating. Back off a bit and slow down. Stop stalking his fb.

Summerrose10 · 08/08/2018 23:00

No I've just finished 4 months worth of counselling and I thought I was ok so we both agreed to end. Clearly I still have issues! Especially trust ones.
Also it's not fb and I weren't stalking him. Its instagram. Everyone's notifications of what they like and comment appear in a thread. I just happened to look on it and saw he had liked his exes pictures.

OP posts:
Elderflower78 · 08/08/2018 23:18

I don't think you should date him. Too much opportunity to get hurt. I would hate my partner having contact with his ex through Facebook. Even when there is children involved, there is no need to be in constant touch through social media.
If they are off and on I couldn't be bothered having someone to compete with.
You have your children to think of in the long term, do you think he is a long term type of partner?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.