AIBU to wish we had extended family ?

[Babyroobs]

I've been feeling really quite sad about this recently. I have 4 dc's all teenagers but very little extended family. Three out of four of our parents have sadly died. DH has one brother who lives abroad and whom we haven't seen for 2.5 years, and one sister who has no kids and never wants to visit us even though she has been invited many times. I have one brother and SIL and 2 nephews who live miles away and moved away to be near her family. I know I should keep away from FB but it is a constant stream of pictures of people having family gatherings/ Barbeques / days out/ days out with their sisters etc. It just feels lonely that it is just us although we do have friends we see regularly. I really hope my children become close when they are older and it isn't like this for them.

Delete Facebook, you'll feel a whole lot better when you don't need to look at everyone's 'perfect' lives

Would you like mine? DH and I will happily supply a large selection for you to choose from...

You’re not being unreasonable, but there is a relative peace in not being part of a large extended family which would likely contain people you didn’t like, lots of inter family drama etc. Your children have each other which is lovely.

I feel the same though, I’m an only child and neither my husband’s siblings will have children so our son won’t enjoy cousins. But he will make his own friendships that will replace close family relationships I guess.

1. Delete Facebook

1. Yes, a large family can be nice. But sometimes it isn't... I offer my promiscuous great-aunt (who expected the family to cover for her), a second cousin of mine who joined a sect and lost her money, a late granduncle who fathered a few too many children out of marriage, a seriously shady and annoying uncle...

I try to love my grandfather but he's probably the grumpiest twat in the existence of grumps.
The fact that he and my grandmother are separated nowadays (not divorced...) doesn't make his string of flings' and lovers' names easier to remember.

One aunt of mine is a manipulative, cold-hearted bitch who really hurt me and my sister. I'm unfortunately very close to her children (absolutely want them there for the wedding ceremony / celebration...) so I'll need to invite her as well.

There's also the evangelical side of my other grand-father's family.

They politely shun my gay little brother. And ignore us being Catholic / the now mostly dead generation actually completely ignored us...

I left out some too serious issues. Or issues I'm still really sensitive about/wouldn't want to put online... But yeah.

I love my family (most of my family.) But a large family also multiplies the potential for conflict. And "black sheeps"...

I mean, I'm not saying I don't understand, you know?

But seeing some people I'm related to behave in a hurtful way towards the people I love (like my little brother...) is really difficult as well.

I feel like both situations have advantages and disadvantages...

YANBU. I have one brother who I don't get on with at all. A mum who was interested when DC were tiny but prefers peace and quiet now. No longer in contact with my cousins or aunts. I do feel very jealous of people that are very close with their siblings and cousins. Pop in and out all the time etc.

Sounds like you have an extended family they just aren’t in your life much. My dd, has me and her gran that’s it!

Totally understandable to feel the way you do OP.

DH and I have also lost three out of four parents. His lovely DM is late 80s. I am an only child. DH has one sibling who we rarely see due to living a long distance away. But where we differ is that, sadly, DH and I have no DC. This makes me sad beyond words. I know you’d love to have more extended family for your DCs to be involved with but imagine your lives a little further down the line. Four DCs means four potential future daughters or sons-in-law and possibly four sets of grandchildren. Your family will feel very full then! .

I would love to have four teenage DCs. Though I am can sense countless exhausted/despairing/harassed parents of teenagers howling with laughter/derision at that

Count your blessings, OP, and read the MIL threads.

I feel like this. All of my relatives are elderly, I have no siblings (my sister died as a child) and my husband does not talk to his family. I think about this a lot and wish I could change it. In 10 or so years time I will have no family apart from my husband and children. I would love to have big family gatherings but know it will never happen.

singing - I'm sorry you are sad to have no children, that must be difficult. I know I am very lucky in that respect, even if as teenagers they barely come out of their rooms !

babyroobs yes, I’ve been told a lot of teens go to their bedrooms around age 14 and don’t reappear for several years! Hopefully yours will be like many of my friends’ DC and will eventually emerge as really lovely 20somethings

I’m nc with my brother and low contact with DH family.
I don’t miss them but revenue went to a friends house, the wife has 4 sisters and they all live close to each other. All the husbands get on really well as do the dc.
They all came round when we were there as we have met them before, along with her parents. They were a genuinely lovely friendly group of people who all like each other and who made us very welcome
Dor the first time I was very sad about our family set up ( although the 4 of us have a great time) and I did she a tear, more for our dc than me, when I got home.

I also don't have extended family. Sometimes I fantasise about having them all over the country, visiting them and them visiting me but grass is always greener and families don't always get on that well unfortunately.

I'm grateful for what I have - some don't even have one person, never mind two or three.

Be happy in the place you're at.

Delete Facebook

Oh great advice, tell a lonely woman wishing she had more human relationships to ditch the one of the main methods used to maintain human relationships, and ditch all her friends.
That will help her for sure. She'll feel much better.