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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I’ve been a complete twat...

15 replies

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 08/08/2018 06:57

...AIBU to ask for some perspective and a slapped wrist?

Was at an event yesterday and may have upset someone but I really didn’t know how to handle it at the time!

There were two rooms, I was in the room that was full of people and it literally couldn’t get anyone else in, I was trying to get to the other room where my friends were outside of (they wouldn’t be admitted until I gave them their tickets) and the other room was half empty.

As I got the open doorway two ladies got there the same time from the half empty room. One of them acknowledged me and pushed passed me into my room, blocking the doorway as she couldn’t get in because it was so full.

So I had 30 seconds of trying to politely get passed the lady to make space for her and get to the room I needed to be in.

I caught my friends eye as I did this and gave them the eye roll at the daft situation. I was annoyed because I’d have let the person through if there had been space but in my eyes it made more sense to let me out first to make the space.

The second lady who was still stood in the doorway then literally started shouting at me. “She has Alzheimer’s, she wouldn’t even know you’re there, you’re so rude, you need to be more polite” etc.

I just ignored it and carried on walking to my friends as she raised her voice at me. I felt so embarrassed but I didn’t known what to do. I know there are hidden disabilities and that I made an assumption but what should I have done?!?

OP posts:
Scientistic · 08/08/2018 07:13

I think you were just being human and wouldn't waste any more time worrying about it. A room that cramped is bound to stress anyone out.

octoberfarm · 08/08/2018 07:16

You're only human, and situations with people pushing, etc. can be annoying. I think I'm probably in the "you weren't to know" camp, although visible eye rolling was a little rude - in future I'd just stick with being internally irritated. That being said, when her companion told you she had Alzheimer's, it probably would have been a good idea to turn around and apologize, although I understand you were embarrassed and the companion shouldn't have been yelling. Don't beat yourself up about it, I'd just take it as a life lesson and remember in future that a lot of people have stuff going on that we don't know about.

Neshoma · 08/08/2018 07:18

Many people push in, Alzheimer’s or not. You weren't to know unless she was wearing a big sign.

Forget about it.

mumofone234 · 08/08/2018 07:20

You couldn’t have know that she had Alzheimer’s. I understand why the other woman was upset by this, but she should have taken charge of the situation if that was the case.

Hassled · 08/08/2018 07:20

All you did was roll your eyes - you had absolutely no way of knowing the other woman had Alzheimer's. Don't even begin to worry about it.

Grimbles · 08/08/2018 07:20

Tbh, if the second lady knew the first had Alzheimer's then maybe she should have sorted the situation out before it occurred iyswim?

TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 08/08/2018 07:23

If the lady is compromised, the other person that knew that should have helped her, not stood back far enough to see an eyeroll. You are nice. that is why this is bothering you. Forget it.

Slartybartfast · 08/08/2018 07:29

you feel bad for doing the eye roll which you say is about the situation but the carer thought it was about the lady - its ok op. just keep the eye rolls for later in case of other occasions when they can be misconstrued. perhaps the carer is stressed with the situation and not handling it well.

pictish · 08/08/2018 07:40

Don’t give this another minute’s thought. Seriously.

Original poster
AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 08/08/2018 07:53

Thanks everyone, I’m pregnant and hormonal and it really got to me that I’d upset someone. I was just a bit rabbit in the headlights iyswim

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 08/08/2018 08:08

IT doesn't strike me as a good situation to put a person with Alzheimer's in TBH.

Bunintheoven88 · 08/08/2018 08:30

SnuggyBuggy, do you mean the carer of the lady with Alzheimer’s? If that’s what you mean I agree, it’s not fair to assume everybody else will know. Why didn’t she have the forward thinking to take charge of the situation? Totally unreasonable and unnecessary.

YouTheCat · 08/08/2018 08:32

It's generally good sense and good manners to let people out before you go in, especially if it's busy.

Sounds like a nightmare of a place to take someone with Alzheimers though.

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/08/2018 08:35

It's the general rule to let people out first then you know there is room to get in?

SnuggyBuggy · 08/08/2018 09:02

I mean it seems unwise to leave anyone with significant needs to their own devices in an unfamiliar situation.

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