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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to just ignore him or am I overreacting?

13 replies

newusername12345 · 08/08/2018 00:14

My mum’s cousin lives in another country and we don’t really know eachother,I think he saw me once when I was a baby and all contact we have is through Facebook. Anyway he is now on holiday here and contacted me for us to meet. I’m not sure if he meant just me but my mum came along because it’s her cousin and to me he is just a stranger. We met in a little pub and mainly the conversation was between him and my mum about the family etc. When I got home I got a message from him on Facebook saying how I was a lot more attractive in person and asked if I was sure we were related... I just said thank you, to see if the conversation ended there. The reason why I reacted this way was because in the past he has been really inappropriate, always saying how he wished we weren’t related and asking me how old I was and how old my dc was, to then comment on how old I was when I lost my virginity??? Well anyway the messages didn’t stop. He ask me why I couldn’t just ignore the fact that we are related and that he was attracted to me and wanted to take me out on a date because there was nothing wrong with the fact that we are second cousins. I told him that we ARE family and that maybe he feels like we are not because we hardly know each other, but we are still family! He kept on bombarding me with messages as to why I wasn’t interested, even asked if I would be interested in him if we weren’t related. He told me he wanted me to visit him in his country alone and that he would pay for my flights???At this point I just started to ignore him, if he wasn’t family I would have ignored him a long time ago. Next day he apologised but I ignored him, later sent another message asking me how my day was and what I was up to, again I ignored him. I’m just wondering if I am being unreasonable in ignoring him? I never told my mum about how inappropriate he is with me (which started when we became friends on Facebook) and when we all met I was very uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 08/08/2018 00:18

First cousins can marry in the U.K., perfectly legal.

If he’s making you uncomfortable, block him. You don’t need to see him again. He sounds very odd!

CanuckBC · 08/08/2018 00:19

I would tell him that he has made you very uncomfortable and outside of family functions you don’t wish to have any contact. Put him in limited Facebook and Mute his conversations. Done.

Rebecca36 · 08/08/2018 00:24

He sounds like a real sleazeball, block him.

sophiec123 · 08/08/2018 00:27

Sounds creepy to me!! I'd be blocking him family or not! Asking about your child is a bit odd. Maybe just mention to your mum he's a creep if the conversation arises xx

glintandglide · 08/08/2018 00:27

Sounds like he was drunk then freaked out a bit the next day. What a perv

Tomatoesrock · 08/08/2018 00:30

Please continue to ignore him, block him completely he is still testing boundaries with any contact. Yanbu he sounds like a sleeze bag, Your instint is screaming that he is a creep.

Do not doubt yourself he is completely inappropriate and he does not deserve an explanation. Block him. Imagine your cousin spoke to your DC like that when they grew up.

Everythingworksoutintheend · 08/08/2018 00:31

Yes second cousins I wouldn't really count as family I don't think, however he sounds full on and inappropriate so I think I would ignore him, won't make much difference to your life without him in it.

emmyrose2000 · 08/08/2018 09:37

He's an utter sleazeball, relative or not. I'd definitely be telling my mum about him and blocking him.

Confusedbeetle · 08/08/2018 09:39

This is not about relatives. it's about unwanted attention. Block him

StuckSoutherner · 08/08/2018 09:45

Agree with ConfusedBeetle it's not about whether you're related or not. To some people second cousins they wouldn't consider family, however, to plenty of others including yourself they would. Regardless, you have clearly made him aware that you're uncomfortable, he has persisted. TBH the question of how old you were when you lost your virginity would be a further red flag and that is justification enough. I would tell your Mum, just so she is aware if he tries to appropriate contact with any other youngsters or family members, and then block without a second thought

Returnofthesmileybar · 08/08/2018 09:48

Seriously why haven't you just nipped those in the bud?

"Seriously Mike taking a hint isn't exactly a strong suit of yours is it? I am not interested, related or not. I find your messages inappropriate and creepy so I want them to stop immediately, no need to reply to this. All the best"

I think you are liking the attention to be honest. Even if you weren't related he sounds like dirty old internet perv so just shut him down

MunchMunch · 08/08/2018 09:54

Although legally there's nothing wrong with it and first cousins can marry I just couldn't bring myself to knowingly have a relationship with a family member no matter how far down the line we were related.

I think if you dont like him in that sense you have to tell him and maybe even block him.

newusername12345 · 08/08/2018 10:39

Returnofthesmileybar I’m liking the attention really? Not only he is family but he is also a lot older than me! I suggested to my mum for us to not go and meet him, to make up an excuse or something, without telling her why. She said he was making a lot of effort to see us and that it would look bad if we didn’t go. I know that she cares a lot about this cousin’s mum (her auntie)and I don’t want to tell her about how inappropriate he is! I Didn’t block him on Facebook because he was meant to get in touch to meet again (he arranged this with my mum!), but obviously because I have been ignoring him he didn’t even bother getting in touch and if he did the only person he would meet would have been my mum not me, that’s for sure!

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