To ask what your days look like with a baby/toddler?

[Whyyounoeatmypie]

OK so DH and I have a recurring 'conversation' (read: bone of contention) re: our preferred paces of life and attitudes to home. For various reasons, some related to upbringing and some just to being different people, I tend to need to plan my time around doing things outside the house. I also get antsy if I'm not up and out in the morning, and hanging around/faffing in general has the same effect. This isn't to say I don't like down time - I absolutely do - but I need to have it as part of what I feel is a balanced day/week.

DH, although he has his own interests and friends etc, would happily just hang out around the house all day and finds it stressful being out and about unless he's had a lot of recharging time beforehand.

Before DS, we had a good balance - I did my thing outside the house and he did his in it, we came together for shared interests and Netflix. When we had DS it got a bit wonky: from when he was tiny I couldn't bear being cooped up in the house and would spend whole days on the go with him in the sling even though I was knackered with a broken vagina and PND. DH got really exasperated that I wasn't taking time to recover and was making myself more knackered which made PND worse. He couldn't understand why I wasn't just chilling the fuck out at home. As DS has grown and needed regiular exercise/socialising I've been telling him and myself that this is the reason we're out on the go all the time. However, DH is now saying this makes family time stressful as he feels too thinly stretched when he has to be on the go and wants more time just hanging out as a 3.

I've spent some time in therapy talking about how my abusive home as a child meant I had a massive aversion to spending any time there ('hanging out' with my stepdad...not so much a fun prospect), and this is playing out with DS - apart from when I had the flu, the longest we've spent at home together alone is probably 4 hours and that was maybe a handful of times. Usually we're just up and out at park, playgroup etc. I am starting to see that we need more of a balance for the sake of family sanity and also so that DS grows up with a more positive idea of home than I did. In order tondo this however, I need to be able to spend more than 2 hours in the house with DS without going nuts. So....asking for insight - what do you DO at home with a toddler? Is it OK to jsut let them bimble about? How does one 'hang out' anyway? Help!

Do you have a garden? And btw

And how old is your child?

In the week, DD and I are up, fed, dressed and out the door by 9.30am. At the weekend we do one 'out of the house' thing per day (not counting errands), and DH and I plan what that's likely to be and when. I'm much more able to chill out and let DD bimble about if I know that we are definitely going to the park after her nap for example.

Loving bimble

Thanks for the flowers! We used to have a garden but not anymore - it was the garden that made it somewhat tolerable I think!

He's just 2.

That sounds a good balance John...

I set up toys for my two year old DC if we're going to be at home, usually a theme e.g. colour matching, puzzles, farm with animals. If I'm busy at the back of the house then it's tuff spot filled with water and toys in the garden. We also invite friends round, make cakes etc which fills time. A lazy day will sometimes involve a film. My DC is quite happy just playing with toys. We do try to get out most days though either to play groups, friends hours or country parks. Usually we are at home all day alone only one day per week

We have a 4 year old son. I am currently on summer holidays (teacher). DH is self employed as a Gardner and does this part time around DS preschool hours and from Sept school hours.

DH will happily stay home for the day, however, he isn't what you would call relaxing. He will be outside chopping wood (to store for winter), fixing something for us or someone else, gardening etc.

I generally like to be out for at least part of the day with DS at weekends/during holidays. I find we get cabin fever if we stay in all day and DS is quite active and likes to get out.

At home sometimes DS will play with his toys (he is quite good at imaginative games now), limited iPad time, simple baking, playing in the sand pit or on the trampoline, painting, playdough. I find if we are staying home for a part of the day then a mixture of him playing with his toys and me doing an activity with him is best.

My DS is 20 months, I'll give you my general day, but people want/need different things so what works for me, might not work for you.
For me, I tend to be out in the morning (park, baby group, soft play etc), home for lunch, nap for DS after lunch and then play at home, so in the garden as PP suggested or I'll try and set something up for DS. Colouring, building blocks, baking together, there are lots of ideas on Pintrest/Instagram etc if you are struggling with ideas of what you can do.
At weekends I would happily stay in all weekend but DH hates it! So we have a deal, one fun day out as a family (or visiting family/friends etc) and then one day at home/doing chores. We might still pop out somewhere (feed the ducks) but not always.

Yes its ok for your DS to just bimble about, mine does, normally emptying EVERYTHING, but you're teaching them to entertain themselves which can't be a bad thing!!
If you're feeling a bit closed in would your DH be ok to hang out with your DS, while you go out if you need to?

DD (nearly 3) is at nursery 3 days per week and at home with me and 3 month old DS for the other 2 weekdays. I probably organise an activity for half of the day that involves going out, even if it’s just to the park. Weekends we have maybe one day out and one at home pottering about. I think it does her lots of good to use her imagination playing at home and having quiet family time just with us.

The days I just have DS are really low key. When DD was a baby we did loads of classes and got out as I found it much easier and needed the support of my nct group. With DS I can’t actually be bothered and we’re having a quiet day on the sofa.

Thanks all. I think the concept of quiet family time is just a bit alien as I never really had it - as soon as I could I got weekend jobs (90s so just lied and worked feom age 13), stayed at friends' houses or bummed around the park after school. So when DH is like JUST HANG OUT I genuinely struggle to get it...

We definitely leave the house every day. I don't really like play groups or soft play so it's usually either the park, a wander round town or something like a National Trust/Zoo/museum visit. At weekends we always do at least one thing together but that might be going out for lunch.

2 year olds and being in all day would be my ultimate nightmare.

Any possibility of a move to get an outdoor space?

Anyway yes one trip every day. Swimming/Park/ toddler group/rhythms time/walk/shops.

Lunch then nap. Pm play in the house or garden if weather ok. Tea. Walk or swings then bath and bed.

That’s what I did last week with 2 year old grandson.

Sorry you had such an awful childhood op. I think it’s good you can correlate the experience with your present feelings and as your ds grows and can amuse himself for longer periods this issue will fade.

We try to get out most days, but normally only for the morning. Swimming, playgroup, the shops, the zoo or a playground. Then we often hang out at home for the afternoon, after his nap. We play with his car slide thingy, read stories, if I feel energetic we get the paints out. Go in the garden - outdoors time is always necessary.

At weekends we either have stuff to do, or we take bike rides to playgrounds, or go for dog walks. Having a full day in cooped up is hard in a little house with an energetic toddler.