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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think we managed years ago without social media...

15 replies

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 07/08/2018 14:05

Was on the bus listening to 2 millennial mums talking about thier sons. One said she makes her son call her when he’s out, when he changes location and he has to check in every 30 mins. She also mentioned how she saw some posts on a local Facebook page about th8ngs going on in a local park which had her worried. Now sounds like a fair deal and under no circumstances am I ridiculing her on parenting but I just find that when I was 8/9 I was out and about with friends, no phone just the street lights to tell me to get home. Even when I was 15 and social media had just started I was out til 2/3am and my mum never had to worry as she didn’t know about anything to worry about. I rely heavily on social media and have quite bad anxiety, I just feel like it lets us know to much even if is informative. My DS 10 is allowed to the shop by himself and to school but because if what I’ve heard about the local parks etc I’d rather he didn’t. He’s not in a rush to anyway it’s just I find social media has changed our perception on bringing up children. I think back and remember we never had to worry about any of that when I was a kid.
I probably didn’t put this across very well but to those who understand what I mean. Well done

OP posts:
NonaGrey · 07/08/2018 14:12

I think back and remember we never had to worry about any of that when I was a kid.

You didn’t worry about it but that doesn’t mean your parents didn’t.

They wouldn’t have social media but they’d still hear gossip about local trouble spots on other ways.

When I was young everyone still knew where teenagers hung out and who was drinking in the local park and causing trouble.

Social media is a new method of disseminating the information- I don’t think the information itself is new.

EduCated · 07/08/2018 14:23

Social media is a new method of disseminating the information- I don’t think the information itself is new.

This. There were a few local hang out spots I wasn’t allowed to when I was ounget because of things my mum had heard from friends/my Aunty/the next door neighbour/the shopkeeper.

Our plans also tended to change a lot less because we would all have agreed a meet up time and location, and we didn’t have the means to all contact each other endlessly to change it. So my parents had a reasonably reasonable idea where we would be. We would also then have a set time to be back, rather than plans changing all over the shop but having the means to get in touch with other friends and parents.

lilyheather1 · 07/08/2018 14:24

If social media was just starting when you were a teenager it sounds like you're a millennial too? Technically millennial are those born between 1981 and 1996. In my experience, it's Gen X who use SM waaaay more than we do.

SisterNotCisTerf · 07/08/2018 14:26

Even when I was 15 and social media had just started I was out til 2/3am and my mum never had to worry as she didn’t know about anything to worry about.

Your mum let you stay out til 3am at 15 and wasn’t worried about you? I’m not sure I would hold that up as a good standard of parenting.

SpottingTheZebras · 07/08/2018 14:28

There are lots of things we didn’t use to have. It doesn’t mean either way was better, just different.

QforCucumber · 07/08/2018 14:29

Yea I had a mobile at 15 (am 32 now) and at 15 was NEVER out until 3am!

at 17 I'd go out into town and clubs and my granny would still be awake when I came home at 2am ish to make sure I was back ok

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 07/08/2018 14:35

I was never out on my own always with some of the neighbourhood kids and it was always the park literally 2 minutes away. I had a mobile at 13. My point is I think it was easier not to worry so much back then... maybe it’s because I was from london and incredibly street wise, I’m not sure. I’m not gonna lie I always worry about the what ifs when my DS goes out because he isn’t as street wise as I was. My mum doesn’t let my 14 year old sister out past 9. So what I’m saying is .... is humanity at its worst or is it the social media influence.... that makes parents (including myself) more anxious...

OP posts:
Echobelly · 07/08/2018 14:36

By the time I was going out at night (aged 16+, I looked very young, so I'd never have got in anywhere before that age!) we managed with me telling my parents what I was doing and whether I was coming home or staying at a friend's house afterwards.

Daytime I regularly walked over to best friend from when I was 7, we were going to the swimming pool on the bus together by age 9 and walking to park about 15 mins away.

DD is now 10. I would love for her to walk to the park (5 min walk, one small road crossing, one slightly larger road with pedestrian island in middle) with a friend and spend time there without adults, but can't find parents willing to do it. Winds me up no end - she is going to secondary school in just over a year and, like many of her peers, she's going to have to make her own way there.

TBH, social media isn't the problem such much as stupid scaremongering that inaccurately says things are 'more dangerous now'. Uhm the biggest danger is cars, and they existed when I was a kid too - what's more people drove them much faster down residential roads than they do now, plus you were more likely to have people driving after drinking. 'Stranger danger' is probably less likely than being killed by a falling tree branch, but you don't go around avoiding walking under trees. Obviously, you still advise about it. I tell DD she can talk to adults, because actually it's important for safety to be able to talk to people if you need help, but she knows she mustn't go anywhere with them, including ones she know.

As they get older they will have phones, but I don't plan to be awake all hours until they get home, as long as they've told me what they're doing.

Gingerninj · 07/08/2018 14:38

I think technology is actually quite helpful for things like that. Although I'm not checking up on my 13 year old constantly there's days like today where I haven't seen since 8 pm yesterday as she slept at a friend's house last night but at least I've been able to call her and check she's okay. It's also reassuring knowing she can call me if something were to happen

Gingerninj · 07/08/2018 14:42

My mum doesn’t let my 14 year old sister out past 9
I was lucky to be allowed out past 8 at 14, most nights I had to be in for tea

MurielsBottom · 07/08/2018 14:52

I think you're wrong OP,
My point is I think it was easier not to worry so much back then

Actually I think the opposite is true. Less contact for long periods leads to more worry.
For me, I grew up in a small community where everyone knew each other. Any time I was in or near trouble it got back to my parents before I got home. There are quite a few memorable moments when I arrived home to angry parents.

IfNotNowThenWhen1 · 07/08/2018 14:54

My main worries about dc are not fuelled by social media (apart from MN I only use SM for work) but by the massive increase in road traffic.
The roads are busy all the time now and people drive very badly where i live anyway. Like, in a rush, no care for pedestrians and aggressively.
Also cars are much bigger. At 8 or 10 in the 80s I could see over cars to cross the roads (if there were parked cars and there often weren't). Now there are parked cars everywhere and I can't see over them as a 5 ft 5 woman, so a 9 year old definitely can't!
Navigating roads is just not the same experience now as it was then. We used to play in the road and move every hour or so when a car came. There's nowhere quiet now really.
These are all factors in children having less freedom and it's very sad.

Raven88 · 07/08/2018 15:06

The world has changed it's not as safe anymore. I share my location with DH just in case something goes wrong.

IDontEatFriedTurtle · 07/08/2018 15:12

There are fewer children playing out so there is no herd to keep kids safe. A child on their own is more at risk imo now as they stand out as a bit of a target.

Social media brings far more of its own risks obviously too though.

LynetteScavo · 07/08/2018 16:30

Age 14 I'm 1996 I wasn't allowed out past 9pm...social media had nothing to do with it.

I was warned about the dangers of fairgrounds, quarries, railway tracks, kidnappers, usually who tempted you with puppies/kittens/sweets and rapists who jumped out of you from ally ways, oh, and glue sniffing.

Now I worry about the internet generally regarding my DC...but at least I always know where they are and they can contact me if they ever need to. They don't need 10p for a phone box or have a long walk home, or worse.

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