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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help with my son

21 replies

thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 13:11

I have a little boy who is 5 that I just can’t work out. He’s very bright but won’t try at school at all, preferring to play in the water table etc. He can’t sit still and fidgets, puts things in his mouth, refuses to stand up but this only happens in school/at group events, never at home or when he’s out with us. He has an amazing brain (can tell you every element of the periodic table and their chemical symbol/space facts/ can read ANYTHING) but struggles socially and physically. I’m at me wits end. I’m so worried he’s going to squander his intelligence by refusing to try at school and his silly misbehaviour. Please talk to me. We went to a sporting activity today and he embarrassed me dreadfully. I feel like crying and need some insight from better mothers then me. Please.

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Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 13:11

My not me - how awful!

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jelly449 · 07/08/2018 13:31

I'm sorry to say but have you ever thought he may have traits of autism? I'm only saying this as I am a mother of an autistic child who is now 9 and some of what you mentioned could be him showing signs.

What do school say? Any concerns?

ProfessorMoody · 07/08/2018 13:33

from better mothers then me

Firstly, you're not a bad mother and no one is better than you. This isn't down to your skills as a parent.

Secondly, have school mentioned his behaviour?

Lifeisabeach09 · 07/08/2018 13:34

He is five years old.
Of course he will fidget, play and be unfocussed.
Let him.
You are worrying for nothing.
He can apply himself to his studies when he is much older.

Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 13:34

I wouldn’t say he has autism - I know the traits sound like he is. I think he is very immature in some areas. I of course worried about it but he’s not as ‘intense’ and serious as a lot of children with autism present iyswim.

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Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 13:38

School have mentioned his behaviour and I found it hard to believe until I saw him in the school nativity showing all the signs they had told me about but we didn’t see at home. I think groups make him anxious. Also he doesn’t respond to peer pressure (ie. isn’t peter sitting nicely?) so this is a behaviour management tool teachers can’t use and it’s a biggie! He’s just silly, not malicious and has finally made some nice friends (after a hard time at nursery) so he is making progress socially. He just hates sports or anything physical and it makes me sad that he will miss out because he won’t persevere.

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UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 07/08/2018 13:39

My DS sounds similar; bright as a button but unbelievably distractable and prone to messing. He's fully capable of concentrating if he really wants to, but if something just isn't interesting to him, he doesn't try. Thankfully so far his teachers have been very understanding, and he is improving as he gets older. He's 6 now and much, much better than he was. We just piled on the positive reinforcement when he behaved well - he responds very well to that.

jelly449 · 07/08/2018 13:42

@thegreenlight ok well that's a good thing - I just wanted to mention it just incase.

But I'd also say it's his age. My step son is starting school in September and I have no idea how he will cope. He can't sit still for longer than a minute, can't concentrate on anything. We think it's going to be really tough for him.

But like @Lifeisabeach09 says, he can catch up when he's older - and you will find that he will do. One day it just happens

There's way too much pressure on young children at school and way too much pressure on parents who become afraid their child will fall behind.

Kids learn at their own time.

Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 13:44

His teacher HAVE not been understanding. To the extent that they put him as ‘expected’ in maths because he wouldn’t engage with the independent learning. This is a child who knows his 2,5,10,3 x tables, 3D shapes, read numbers to 100000 etc. They just said he won’t persevere and that he WILL be exeding next year as he can be MADE to do the work and not just choose to avoid it 🙄

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Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 13:45

Teachers, not teacher.

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ShackUp · 07/08/2018 13:51

My DS1 is the same age and exactly the same as your son OP.

An educational psychologist observed him and said his emotional maturity and cognitive ability didn't match up, which was causing problems. She came up with a list of ways in which teachers/TAs need to help him calm his frustration, and recognise his many strengths.

I suggest you meet with the Head and ask for a similar assessment from an Educational psychologist. Good luck!

Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 14:22

I will go down that path in September when he goes into year one. Thank you!

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Whydoilikebroccoli · 07/08/2018 14:28

Seriously don't worry about it. He is five and boys (& girls) aren't built to sit still. He is bright. He won't lose that just by being fidgety and he will do the work he finds interesting. I'd talk to them about perhaps giving him harder work if he is bored, or looking at ways to help him like a fidget toy etc.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 07/08/2018 14:29

To be fair to the teacher, if he never shows he can do the maths as you say then she can only assess him with what he actually does show.

Ed psych sounds like a good way forward. When you have friends over to play how is he

Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 14:41

The teacher said that the reception curriculum requires them to seek challenge if they are exceeding. Making him do something apparently doesn’t count. She said she knows he can do it and has seen it but that he has to independently seek challenge not be told to complete it.

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Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 14:42

He’s similar to other children when he has friends over. He had one friend in particular who he is very similar to but he behaves much better in class. They are both bright but he wants to please the teacher. My child couldn’t give two hoots.

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hottotrotsky · 07/08/2018 14:58

He's 5 free. Cut him some slack. Why are we stigmatising childhood these days?

Careful else there'll be some deranged poster coming along to tell you he's autistic slash ADHD slash bla and to get him to a child psychiatrist this instant for medication.

5 is too young to be in school anyway.

RocknRolla · 07/08/2018 15:01

He sounds exactly my daughter who has asd. She can read perfectly fine at home but for some reasons refuses to in school same with maths can tell the time, times table, can count perfectly well into the thousands but her school report said she can count t to 20. I would look at getting him assessed for asd as I didn’t think my dd could have asd but She got diagnosed a month after her 5th birthday. Extreme Anxiety can be a symptom of asd.

Original poster
thegreenlight · 07/08/2018 15:05

He reads brilliantly at school. He’s on free library choice for his books. He does any work I ask him to at home with no complaints. I think anxiety has a part to play. I was very anxious as a child but internalised it more efficiently.

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RocknRolla · 07/08/2018 15:15

If you think anxiety his anxiety is bad take him to the gp and ask for a referall to camhs they will be able help him develop coping strategies for his anxiety or might prescribe medication. My dd is getting seen by them just now and they have been brilliant with giving her different ways to deal with it. They will also look at everything else as that’s how my dd ended up with an asd diagnosis.

HellenaHandbasket · 07/08/2018 15:16

Fuck me, he sounds totally normal for a 5 yr old.

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