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To Believe DH is being unfair in this situation?

22 replies

DSMEZ · 01/06/2007 22:53

Dh has an old friend who has never liked me. He never even properly met me before he decided I had made dh a "boring" man. He played all sorts of pranks on me when dh and I first met, and would invite dh around to his along with sdh's ex for example. He would never speak to me if I picked up the phone, even when I would say, Oh hello XYZ...the problem is my dh thinks I should be the "big" one when it comes to his friend. He says his friend is incapable of being anything more so it is up to me. I think this is bollox and I hate that dh won't stick up for me.

OP posts:

VoluptuaGoodshag · 01/06/2007 22:59

Sod that. He's taking the easy way out. Why does his friend not like you? Has he ever asked him? It's crap and an insult to your DH


essanel · 01/06/2007 23:09

I have to say that my friends did not always like my bfs however they did make the minimal effort to get on. I think there is only so far that you can be the big one if he is making no effort at all. I agree with volupta (great name btw) that you need to ask your dh why he has a problem with you?


kimi · 01/06/2007 23:12

I would let your DH invite him round and then you ask him in front of DH why he does not like you?
Is he married? Tell him you did not turn your DH in to a boring man, but in to a grown up.

Also tell your DH to grow a back bone and not let this friend treat you as he does.


DSMEZ · 01/06/2007 23:13

He doesn't like me because he thought that I had "tamed" dh. That is, for the first time, dh wasn't just going to do what his mates were doing. He says I "stole" dh from him--actually uses that word.

OP posts:

kimi · 01/06/2007 23:15

He is a prick!!!!!!
You really have to get your DH to say something to him,


controlfreaky2 · 01/06/2007 23:15

oh ffs. he should grow up. and your dh should put you and your feelings before this rude twunt.


LynetteScavo · 01/06/2007 23:17

The friend is very jealous of you. You've taken his mate away from him. Will your DH just refuse to see him?


kimi · 01/06/2007 23:19

I would not have someone in my home who was disrespectful to me.
My DH1 and I are separated, but a few months ago his sister was very rude to and about me, DH1 gave hr a mouthful and has not spoken to her since, and when my MIL rang and tried to "smooth" it over DH1 told her his sister is dead to him!

This man is a rude,childish, little prick and I really think your DH should stand up for you more and tell the bloke to sod off.


divastrop · 01/06/2007 23:19 he gay?was he secretly hoping for a relationship with your dh?


kimi · 01/06/2007 23:20

I was going to ask that.


DSMEZ · 01/06/2007 23:22

I've told my dh how I feel--that it is deeply unfair of him to lean on me to be the "big one". He expects me to behave better somehow. I told him not to see his freind and he said he couldn't so that. It really angers me. His friend is such a superficial poser as well and is always making a big fake fuss over our dcs. Sigh.

OP posts:

Tabkat · 01/06/2007 23:23

The friend sounds like a pain in the backside and I wonder why your dh would still want to associate with him - does he have issues that only your dh knows about?


DSMEZ · 01/06/2007 23:24

Don't think he is gay. Thought about that myself. I think he is just a selfish prick who needs validation from every single soul around him.

OP posts:

kimi · 01/06/2007 23:24



DSMEZ · 01/06/2007 23:25

My dh has known him since primary school and I think just does not want to lose a mate from that long ago.

OP posts:

kimi · 01/06/2007 23:26

Move a long long way away from him!!!!


Tabkat · 01/06/2007 23:27

How often does your dh and his friend go out? Do they still have lads nights out? does he have a girlfriend? (I assume not by his attitude)


kimi · 01/06/2007 23:28

How old are your DCs? You could get them to throw up on him next time he visits, that might put him off , pick there nose's and snot on him!! Fill his shoes with the potty contents!!!

Its endless hours of fun!!!


TheArmadillo · 01/06/2007 23:29

WHen I first got with dp his best mate was very jealous and we didn't get on (to put it politely). Dp wouldn't deal with it either (he felt stuck between the 2 of us and buried his head in the sand). I'm guessing your dh doesn't want to lose either of you so is doing the same in hope that it goes away.

WOuld talking to his friend be an option - he won't talk to you on the phone but could you go round and see him? YOu could try saying how you know he is a good friend to your dh (whether or not you think that is the case) and how much you both care for your dh and see if you can come to some understanding.

I would talk to your dh again non-confrontationally and say how you know he is a good friend to your dh and you would like to get along with him as well. You are worried about his friend and how upset he seems to be and could he help to reassure him (along those kinda lines).

Yes your dh should be standing up for you and yes his mate should stop being an arse, but I found non-confrontational worked well and although me and dp's mate aren't exactly friends now we tolerate and respect each other.


divastrop · 01/06/2007 23:29

sounds like the mate hasnt grown up since they were at primary school!


kimi · 01/06/2007 23:31

TheArmadillo , I guess your way would work much better then mine!!!!!!


ravenAK · 01/06/2007 23:38

I have to say I wouldn't let it bother me.

I'd tell dh that his nob of a friend was only welcome in the house if he could be civil & friendly to me, otherwise he was welcome to meet him down the pub or whatever.

I wouldn't expect dh to end the friendship as no bloody way would I let him dictate to me who I could be friends with! I think though it is reasonable that your dh tells his friend to keep his opinion of you to himself, & if he can't, that'd be the deal breaker for me.

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