Asking DH for help...AIBU

[alwaysthepessimist]

So this morning DD 6 woke up at about 3.30am and asked for a cuddle, no idea why she just did, she has done this for the last few nights - this is a total new thing for her too (so I am knackered which isn't helping my mood plus going through the menopause early) anyway alarm went off at 5.30am, I got up, showered got ready for work, went downstairs & washed up, hung the washing out, made 3 packed lunches & got tonights tea ready and in the slow cooker, got dd's swimming bag ready, fed the fish, put the rubbish out & tidied up, DD got up at 7.15am, made her breakfast & helped her get sorted ready to leave. In the meantime DH had a shower & got dressed...........

WTF is wrong with me, I must have 'mug' tattooed on my forehead because when I asked him to help out a little more (ok I was maybe a little snappy) he called me Cinderella - I nearly punched his lights out!

So I know I need to make him do more (before anyone says anything) but I wasn't being U by asking him to help was I? Are other DH's this bad?! Surely it can't just be mine.....

No you weren’t being U at all for asking him to be a grown up and do things in his own house and for his own children.

No idea if other husbands are like that, none I know in RL.

The rest of the time he helps out, shops, cleans, helps with DD etc etc just mornings, he is absolutely bloody useless in the morning & I am just very grouchy at the moment.

He can make his own lunch tomorrow or starve!

I thought he was lazy all the time from your OP, your update changes things a bit!

Well that's one less lunch and portion of dinner you need to make tomorrow

It's not helping it's doing your fair share. He's not. Stop making him lunches.

Tbf your update shows that he does help though. queue loads of posters only reading OP and not update

I think its ok for people to have a time of day they are just utterly shit at...as long as they pull their weight the rest of the time.

DP is crap at mornings, I down tools after cooking dinner and do nothing useful all evening...we have a sweet spot in the afternoons when we are both alive enough to get jobs done together, but generally I get a lot of stuff done before he wakes up and he does useful things while I lie down in the evenings!

By thinking of it as him helping out you've already set it up as though the jobs are yours and he can opt in and help or not.

The entirety of the household stuff needs to be reframed.

Well if he's rubbish in the morning get him to do tasks the night before (e.g. washing up and packed lunches from your list).

Why are you getting up at 5.30 if you're so tired?

Can't you switch to doing some of those tasks in the evening so he can help too?

No way I could get up at 5.30 and do all of that every day.

Some people just aren't as good in the mornings so maybe he needs to do some of this to help in the evenings instead. At least then you won't feel so snappy as you won't have a ton of chores to wake up to...

I'm an owl so I couldn't be bothered doing all that in the morning. I'd rather do as much as possible the night before or in the evening.

My DH is a natural lark and he does stuff like put a wash on, empty dishwasher etc at crack of dawn and always used to do the dc breakfast etc when they were little.

I got up at the last minute possible, did more in the evenings and, once they were teens, it was always me doing the late night taxi.

It sounds like he pulls his weight, perhaps you could look at what you don't absolutely have to do first thing in the morning.

The Cinderella comment is not on though and I certainly wouldn't be making him a packed lunch at any time of day!

A lot of those jobs could have waited, I think you re being a martyr

My DH told me he finds,it hard to know what to do when I'm also doing things (he's fine when in sole charge) so instead of generally asking for help I ask for specific support eg can you tackle the laundry.