to be upset that my family member told another family member I'm pregnant?

[OnBehalfOfAFriend5]

Posting on behalf of a friend... a friend of mine just found out she's pregnant and has only told a handful of people. She told one family member and made it overly clear that she isn't telling anyone else yet. That family member then decided to tell another family member, issue being the a) friend didn't want anyone else knowing yet as she's not even 12 weeks and b) she would have liked to have been able to tell people herself.

Is it unreasonable to think this was out of line?

Well, yes it was out of line but there is little she can do about it now other than talk to the family member, tell them they were out of line and tell them not to inform anyone else.

Yes, totally out of line. Understandably the person was very excited for her but it was not her news to tell. I'd be raging if that was someone in my family and I'd be telling them so.

YANBU
Same happened to me, it was DPs Mum that told his Gran when we specifically asked her not to until after the scan. DP was livid. His Mum was just excited but she only had to wait 4 weeks before blabbing.
14 years later she still can't keep anything to herself!

YANBU - we told both sets of parents at 6 weeks with very clear instructions that no one else was to know. Thankfully they are respectful of our wishes and we shared with further family and friends after the 12 week scan. It was OUR news to share and nobody else’s.

Yes for reason A alone.

The "friend" now knows not to tell that family member anything personal until they want the whole world to know.

Btw As a teen I often overheard things told to my mother in private but knew not to blab. So ensure the family member did delibrately tell the other family member and they didn't overhear/read their messages.

I think it depends on the family member.

The reality is we all know people who are unable to keep their mouths shut - my grandmother is one.

I only tell her stuff if I don’t mind the world knowing.

She’s not BU to want it kept quiet but if the family member has form for that stuff you’re fighting a losing battle.

As an aside, I don’t really understand the need to tell everyone about a pregnancy yourself. I don’t think anyone else cares as much as you do about your own pregnancy (bar some close family) and individually telling people seems a bit overblown to me.

If she couldn’t keep it to herself then she can’t expect other people to keep it too themselves either. If you don’t want it spread around then don’t tell anyone.

Depends on the family member. If she told one sister and that sister told mum/ other sister then I Don't think it is unreasonable, equally if she told mum and mum then told Dad.

But if she told mum and mum then told aunt/cousin then that is unreasonable.

Yanbu unless it was 'told Dad and not to tell Mum' (or other way round!!) as you can't expect partners to keep good news secret from each other.

Easy fix for future, friend doesn't tell that family member anything again until everyone knows, as "we asked you not to share baby news until I did at 12 weeks, damn sure I'm never telling you anything again!... You've just ensured you'll be the last to find out any future news".

It's not so much of an issue for those around us

It's s case of quickly saying someone's pregnant, then they move on. Nobody will be dwelling on it.... it's only interesting news to yourself!

This happened to me, told a close friend (well actually she guessed) and then within a day I’d had messages from her parents, her sister and her nanny saying congratulations. I was surprised and said ‘you weren’t supposed to be telling people!’ but then I just thought, it’s not the end of the world and they’d find out eventually anyway.

They shouldn't have told anyone but in her position I wouldn't have told any family members until I was happy for them all to know.
What I actually did was tell Jungle Drums (my mum), wait 12-13 seconds then everyone knew.

Can't lock the stable door after the horse is bolted, but I agree with Sodslawwhy - let blabbermouth know, "jokily", in passing, that she has shown that she can't be trusted with confidences, so will have to wait for -juicy gossip- family news next time.

MIL did this when I was pregnant with DC1. I was late 30s, under 12 weeks, and only told our parents. We asked them not to tell anyone til we had had our scan … went to a family wedding on DH's side, and as we get out of the car some random aunt I had never met screams across the carpark 'Congratulations!! I hear baby is on the way!' I was so pissed off. People I didn't even know were saying 'oh you're the pregnant woman, aren't you?' I felt awful for the bride, too, who I had only met once - she must have thought i was trying to get in on her moment! My poor DM had kept completely schtum and my aunts, friends, etc didn't know. MIL acted all innocent - she hadn't told screechy aunt, she had told someone else who had told screechy - so she didn't see how it was her fault … when I was pregnant with DS2 we made sure to tell EVERYONE before MIL.

Probably would have been better if she had kept the news to herself until she was sufficiently far along to be confident to share it. If you tell one person there is always the risk that they will spread the news. But I also agree with previous posters that the news is far more interesting to your friend than anyone else, so she is being a bit precious about it, I think - what's done is done.

I never get the angst over this kind of stuff. She's told a 'handful of people' so the news is out there and the risk of it being repeated is high.
If you don't want people to know something, you keep it to yourself. Easy.

I remember being at one of my best friends wedding when someone came up to me and said I've just heard your amazing news! 3 days before 12 week scan of 1st dc. I knew it was my other friend who was at the wedding as she was the only one who knew outside of family. I was fuming and went off and ranted to dh before confronting her!

Dh went very quiet. It had been him. Turned out he was excited and couldn't help telling all his friends!

Tell your friend to calm down before going mad. Always best to explain the reasons why she only told those she could trust. Family member should be suitably embarrassed.