To ask about family court/mediation

[Duchessgummybuns]

There’s a very long story behind this and I don’t want to drip feed, but my current boyfriend’s ex is being... difficult about contact with his children. Any excuse she can think of to cut contact she will, and she lies to everyone telling them that he kicks off and is aggressive at pick up/drop off despite evidence and witnesses saying that isn’t the case.

So he’s started mediation, which I can’t see working as she’s rather unreasonable but it seems like a long road to do things through family court, meanwhile his relationship with his kids is suffering. The youngest seems particularly withdrawn when he does have him, and the eldest has started opting out of seeing him at all, partly because teenager, but also suspect he gets grief from his mum.

Does anyone have any experience of a situation like this? I’m hoping for a positive story because the outlook looks rather bleak as it stands.

My dp went through mediation it did work.
The solicitors who provide mediation have to keep above a certain sucess rate to be allowed to provide it as a service so they will try to make it work.
It was very stressful at the time but things have settled down now between them both and she does allow him more contact than agreed in mediation on an ad hoc basis.

Thank you for your reply. It’s hard seeing the kids suffer while my boyfriends hands are tied going through the proper channels. Wish there was a quick fix!

Its very stressfull. My dps dds were only little, he ended up with every other weekend fri-sun, weds each week and weds/thurs the other. Its all chilled out a bit now. They were both discouraged from going to court so that was good.
I hope it works out for you.

In my experience, mediation only works if both parties go into it willing to compromise and negotiate. DH tried mediation with his ex-wife but it failed because she didn't engage with the spirit of it. He ended up taking her to court twice and on both occasions got almost exactly what he wanted. Don't be afraid of court if what you are asking for is reasonable. If no progress is being made after 2 or 3 mediation sessions, don't be afraid to issue. We wish we'd gone to court sooner!

Mediation can be really good. You can be surprised what comes out of it. But if it doesn't work it doesn't have to, you can then go to court. He can even turn up on his.own if she won't go and it still counts.

That said it's hard in your position to know exactly what is the reason for.the kids being withdrawn etc. Just been really kind to them and don't push anything.

With the teenager the courts probably won't force them to go to his Dad if he doesn't want, so be prepared for that.

Thank you all. If she agrees to mediation then goes against what was agreed can we go straight to court then? I’m looking into my crystal ball and reckon that’s what will happen...

Mediation isn't legally binding so if after a couple of sessions she's not playing along, he should to court instead of wasting money.

He won't get anywhere in court with the teenager because they are too old for contact to be enforced if they don't want it.

How old is the younger one?

He’s 6. He’s made it clear to teenager that he’s welcome any time, rarely gets a text back but again - teenager 🙄

OH’s ex is currently giving the mediator the run around I suspect her next move will be to say she can’t afford mediation... which is sort of fair enough, it IS expensive. We would offer to help her with fees but she’s so utterly unreasonable (and at times bloody delusional) we suspect it’d just be throwing good money after bad and she’d soon go back on any agreements made for petty reasons.

In this case would we BU to refuse to pay for her mediation fees and go straight to court?