To worry about not-quite-toddler DS?

[sailorcherries]

I hope this doesn't come off as p(2nd)b or snowflakey and I know all children develop differently but I'm beginning to worry about my 15mo DS2.

He has always reached milestones late. He didn't crawl untill 11mo, could only roll back to front until 11mo, had no worda until 1y, didn't sit unaided until after 8mo etc.

At his 1y immunisations the gp/nurse/midwife told me to keep an eye on his progress and speak to the HV at his 15mo check (which would happen between 13 and 15 months but we'd recieve a letter). She also asked whether it was flagged at his other milestone checks and I admitted that we hadn't seen a HV since he was around 4mo as she had transferred to another LA and we seemed to have slipped through the system. I didn't even know there was other checks (ds1 is 8, it's been a long time and not something I'd remember).

Since my chat with her I've kept an eye on him and have noticed little things that may be nothing but may also indicate the need for further checks.

• he has a stimming type movement when he flaps hia hands when excited. He also wiggles his fingers close to his face.
• he cannot walk unaided yet and sits back down the minute he is left without support. When he does walk with support it's at leaat 60/40 toe walking v flat footed.
• he cannot stand unaided.
• he has very few 'words'. Maybe 5 sounds (mum, dad, dadad (grandad), ball and ca (car). Sometimes he mimicks other sounds on a rare occassion but that doesn't happen often.
• he doesn't always respond to his name, make eye contact or smile back. He has no interest in socialising.
• he shows little interest in pretend playing but instead focuses on one or two toys engaging in repetitive play (rolling cars backwards and forwards, throwing balls or making someone read the same book over and over).
• his food tastes have changed. During the initial weaning process he was a bin and now there are a small selection of foods he will eat.
• his sleeping has deteriorated. He cannot sleep unless touching someone/pulling my hair. He slept through from 4 weeks and now he won't if I'm not right there. He also thrashes in his sleep, cannot stand any cover being on him and cries out whilst sleeping.
• he has started banging his head in frustration.
• his temper tantrums are above and beyond what I've seen of others his age.

On the flip side he can point to objects he knows, will collect a toy/book and want you to read, can climb the sofa etc.

I've not much to compare it to as DS1 met his milestones early, and as individual issues they don't seem like anything to worry about. If the gp/nurse/mw hadn't mentioned it I wouldn't have looked too intently at where he should be and the walking/food would be my only issues but viewing the whole picture is a bit much. I have phoned the HVs twice to arrange his check up and twice they have taken my number with no call back. I'm not sure where to go to with these concerns, if they are concerns. I have recently been diagnosed with GAD following panic attacks and intrusive thoughts, insomnia etc and don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill but at the same time this seems like an awful lot of milestones to not meet.

Not really an aibu but aibu to worry about his development at this stage?

Some of this actually sounds quite normal although some of the motor skills delays may be cause for concern. Toddlers like consistency and repetition so I would not be worried about the food issues. The lack of response and the stimming are a little more worrisome. This may sound odd, but have you had his hearing checked? Lack of response and balance issues can be due to inner ear problems. Walking generally happens between 12-22 months so it's hard to say he is delayed yet. Is there any history of autism in your family?

That's my issue. Some of it seems normal, some not so much.

The food thing is a fucking nightmare. We ended up giving him toast and yogurt for dinner tonight after he refused 3 dinners (as in spat it out continuously and then hit the spoon away while clenching his teeth shut).

Sometimes he responds to his name and things you ask. Others it's like you've not spoken.

The stimming tends to be hand flapping when he gets over excited. The head banging is purposely on the floor when he is annoyed. He also rocks back and forth a lot when happy.

We've been told not walking by 18mo is a red flag and it's looming nearer. He can't even balance while standing alone or get to a standing position without an aid.

No history of autism but I suspect ds1 is sonewhere on the asd spectrum (search previous posts) although his quirks are much different to ds2 and he was walking and talking before 1 year!

In my professional (work in a school with a good AEN dept) opinion, a lot of this sounds like classic traits of the ASD. I just asked our SENCO who agreed.

That doesn't mean you should be worried but I'd keep an eye on it and mention it when you next see someone.

www.autism.org.uk is a great resource which can provide specific information about what's available in your area.

certainly no need to worry

It sounds like the nurse worried you so you’re maybe seeing stuff that isn’t there? You’ve listed autistic traits but a lot of traits are in line with normal toddler behaviour (such as stimming and scheming) he’s still very young but go to your gp and ask for a referral to a paediatrician. It’s a long process especially because of his age.
If it makes you feel any better I know children who are like as you described, no speech, no socialising, in their own little world up until about 5 or 6 and they have no diagnosis, my son was super advanced, he’s severely autistic.

Some of this sounds like ASD.

I have a son who is being assessed for ASD and ADHD. He met his physical milestones early but didn’t talk much until nearly three and wasn’t interested in other children until a similar age.

Mine also headbands and flaps.

However if I compare DS at nearly three to two, he’s massively improved. He still has his difficulties but some of them (like not playing with other kids) have hugely changed for the better, and he seems happier.

Why I’m trying to say is even if it is ASD, he will get there at his own pace :)

Doesn't sound that odd to me, my DS was 17.5 months before he finally walked but there's no stopping him now. He flaps his hands and bashes himself in the face when he's angry and frustrated and often refuses a meal that I know he likes and throws alternatives on the floor. Just keep an eye on him but try not to worry too much.

I used to do assessments for children who needed ASD funding and this sounds like it could be the early signs of the disorder. That said, some of it could be neurotypical. Can you speak to your GP about your concerns and possibly get a referral?

Thank you everyone.

If the nurse hadn't mentioned anything I would be concerned but predominantly about the lack of walking/ability to stand, food refusal (for basic health reasons), the stimming and the god awful tempers and frustration. Nothing else would have raised a flag because I'd not have known either way.

It wasn't until I started reading more that I realised these issues could indicate ASD, yet they could also be nothing.

I'm inclined to go to the drs but having them just diagnose (and medicate) me for GAD, part of which is a fear of something happening to my children (dying when we are in the car or out of my sight) I'm not sure how receptive they'll be to my fears.

I'm inclined to go to the drs but having them just diagnose (and medicate) me for GAD, part of which is a fear of something happening to my children (dying when we are in the car or out of my sight) I'm not sure how receptive they'll be to my fears.

Tell them it’s been raised by others too.

They fobbed me off (I also have anxiety) for ages about my son’s reflux so I know what you mean.

My DS was quite late with everything - didn't crawl until 12 months, walk until 18 months, took quite a long time to get to speaking sentences and made funny noises more than talking until about 5. He has a habit of slapping his head (lightly) when frustrated.

He's basically fine but just turned 7 still a bit behind with some things (can barely write, hold knife and fork right, doesn't get numbers/maths at all, forgets stuff he's learned like months of the year).

I'd say do ask further about your son, but don't panic just yet.

MrSpock

I will do, although no one else in my family believes there are any issues because "children develop at their own pace", but the stimming, food issues, lack of response to name etx isn't really the same as being a late crawler. Although they don't see it that way.

The thing is, early support really helps autistic kids. It’s true kids do develop at their own pace but there’s no harm in checking it out.

echobelly

My DS1 was the exact opposite and hit everything early and is quite academically advanced for his age (not a brag). However he can only have one pair of shoes at a time, only weara certain types of trousers because he needs to be able to do the splits and cartwheel in them, can't have anyone touch his hair, can't fall asleep without knowing someone is there, has awful tempers, fixates on certain things etc and he's now 8.
I had a whole thread where I had what can only be described as a break down over his sleeping habits before DS2 was born.

I took my concerns about him to the dr, after weeks of researching and using the tools out there, for my gp to say that as he performed fine in school and had no academic issues there wasn't any ASD present (without actually seeing, speaking to or performing diagnostic tests on my son).

It's ridiculous. I still think DS1 is a on the ASD spectrum somewhere but have no one to turn to.

He is definitely at an age where control is a thing. Hencan control much but he can try to control food.
He knows you will go and get him something else when he spits out his food. He won’t starve if you don’t. I used to give my DS his dinner and then his desert (of fruit) whether he ate his dinner or not. If he seemed hungry later I tried him with his dinner. If he know you will make 3 meals until he gets toast and yogurt he will just keep spitting out food.
It’s quite clever and quite normal.
With the other things some babies take longer and some who skim quickly past every milestone can also have ED when older. Good luck OP.

I would see your GP about about a referral to a paediatrician. It could just be mild motor delays and ordinary toddler age stuff but I think it is worth asking for a specialist to have a look.

If you have concerns that it won't be taken seriously by your GP he can be referred by your HV which was how ds was referred.

sleepyblueocean my HV hasn't been here since he was 4mo as she left and the new one hasn't bothered. I've phoned and left messages twice to arrange his 15mo check to no avail :(

I’m interested to know why you are keen to have ds2 assessed and not Ds1? Is it because he has more worrying symptoms? Has ds1 had any issues at school?

This all sounds within normal behaviour to me so don't panic yet.

Most of not all of what you describe is within normal. ‘Stimming’ is quite an emotive word and little children often flap quite a lot. I specialise in teaching children with autism. The only things I would be concerned about are eye contact and responding to name. BUT it does depend on why, are they ignoring you because they are engrossed in something interesting for example.

Walking lateish isn’t associated with any issues later on it’s own, as long as he is baring weight.

Try to withhold panic and just continue to play lots of games that encourage eye contact, hide and seek, peekaboo, tickle games. Also get a hearing test just in case.

In your situation I would keep an eye on things, get his hearing tested and get him on the waiting list for speech - he may not need it by the time his space comes around in which case cancel but I’d always get on the list.
It’s unlikely anything else will be investigated due to age. A lot of autistic behaviours (I’m assuming that’s your concern but apologies if not) are also normally developing toddler behaviours and are only concerning if they persist in older children. Excited flapping in a toddler for eg is pretty typical bit less so in a 7/8 yr old. Some toddlers also have ferocious tantrums but if they are persisting past typical tantrum age then it becomes a concern.
Repetitive behaviour for eg reading the same book over and over is also typical of your sons age (and great for language development!).
The fact that he’s pointing is a positive sign as is the language he has - words he can use to interact rather than random words and numbers for eg.
I would use a lot of feeling words when he’s upset to give him the language as he gets older to express himself. Also plenty of play dates with children who are fun to be around.

Thank you everyone. I wasn't overly worried until the bloody nurse suggested there may be cause to be, and now it's hard to not notice these issues iyswim?
I always just assumed he was a late bloomer.

Thingsthatgo I did go to the gp about DS1, with a 3 page document on all of his worrying behaviours. The gp had me in and out in less than 5 minutes because he was performing normally in school (which I knew because issues with what clothes he wears, shoes he wears etx wouldn't be present). The school can't do much because there is no need for them to refer to the educational psychologist.

Ah ok. Sounds like ds1 May have some sensory processing issues, (spd and certainly sensitivities, emotion and physical, can go hand in hand with being academically advanced ime).
If it were me I would take ds2 to the gp, imply that the hv suggested that you made the appointment and that she had highlighted some concerns that you had yourself. Tell the gp that your eldest has some sensory problems which impact your home life, and that ds2 appears to be demonstrating some behaviours that are worrying both you and the hv. If you can get video evidence of extreme tantrums/head banging/stimming it might help.

Hello @sailorcherries … appreciate it has been so long since you posted; but, my son is now 15 months old and identical to how you described yours. On the off chance you may still frequent this forum, how is your baby now?