Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

SIL happy we're divorcing.

47 replies

twogirlsoneboy · 06/08/2018 22:01

Ex and I are divorcing, he just met someone else and has introduced her to his family, we still live together, he's moving out next month.

I've never got on with his family, I've tried but they're horrible, a bunch of judgmental gossipers. His mum is the worst, I can't stand her. She's a typical "nobody's good enough for my son" type of MIL.

And I can't spend a day with SIL without her talking bad about me, she will tell MIL, MIL would tell ex and that's how I would find out. So I've distanced myself from them over the last few years.

Now that SIL met ex's new girlfriend, she said to him that shes happy we're getting divorced, and she's looking forward to get a SIL she can do things with. Mind you, we've never done things together, only time I would see her is if she invited the family round to hers. AIBU to be upset over this comment? I'm very sensitive and I know I need to work on getting thick skin.

OP posts:

Honeyroar · 06/08/2018 22:43

I don't understand why he told you this. He ought to have known it wouldn't be nice for you, it creates even wider divisions in the family and achieves nothing. She's allowed to not like you, she's allowed to hope she gets on better with his new girlfriend, but you didn't need to know that.

SandyY2K · 06/08/2018 22:47

She's trying to support her brother and be positive.

You didn't like each other...she probably thought you weren't good enough for her brother...then you dump him and he was presumably upset.

No suprise she's looking forward to a SIL she can get on with.

Don't let it bother you.

SassitudeandSparkle · 06/08/2018 22:48

So your SIL has never said anything bad to you directly, but it's all come from your ex

keyboardkate · 06/08/2018 23:04

Sorry it has come to divorce.

Leave the outlaws out of it for your sanity. A possible benefit of divorce... maybe.

Will you have to have any communications with this person going forward?

Divorce means cutting a lot of ties, and SIL is one of them as is your EX h.

Move on love, don't let the bastards get to you. It is all about control. Rise above it and try your best to move on. Best wishes.

MrsChumleyWarner · 06/08/2018 23:17

I have a SIL that has meddled throughout our marriage. My STBEH and her spent the majority of our marriage talking about me and slagging me off.

Since we have seperated they have spent the majority of their free time together. They have been on one holiday together this year including Father’s Day, they are going away again soon with my kids and then they have another holiday planned for a few months time.

It’s really weird I would love to be free of all the inlaws but can’t whilst kids are so young.

I believe he has told you this to get a reaction. He wants to hurt you.

Sod the lot of them x

Tiredperson · 06/08/2018 23:21

It’ll come around OP and bite your in laws. Just wait.

My Ex in laws were delighted to have me as DPs new GF, told me so, told DP. They really disliked his Ex. Then started being mean to me so I distanced myself. And then we broke up and SIL (why is it always sisters?!) was very happy that we weren’t together.

I talked to Ex as it was being said around our children and we agreed it was really bad of his in laws to be spreading that around. So now he’s distancing himself from them too!

So, make sure your Ex knows how hurtful and bad it is for the kids to have ILs slag off their mother. Be polite and never put them down yourself, but don’t flinch from talking to your Ex about. He will not want more conflict for his kids.

PickAChew · 06/08/2018 23:24

Do you have kids? If you don't you don't have to give any of these people any heads pace ever again.

Original poster

twogirlsoneboy · 07/08/2018 06:39

@PickAChew Yes I have children, SIL and MIL is out for my life even though I have children with him, because I know I will never see them again, but it still hurts for her to be happy I'm divorcing her brother. They're not really that close either, he doesn't trust her and would never go to her if he needed anything but they've started to reconnect again and spend time at each other's relationship. They also talk bad about each other, sometimes MIL would be at our house slagging SIL off, it's such a weird family I'm glad I'm not a part of it anymore. When you first meet them, they're so nice, especially SIL. SIL is very bubbly and chatty, but the minute you leave the room they will find something wrong about you to talk about a

OP posts:

Coyoacan · 07/08/2018 06:55

I never could quite understand people minding that someone they have no respect for not liking them.

TacoLover · 07/08/2018 07:01

She just sounds like she's trying to make him feel better. Why would you expect her to be nice to you when you've dumped her brother

AStatelyPleasureDome · 07/08/2018 07:10

You don't like them, they don't like you, you have split up, problem solved.

GeorgeIII · 07/08/2018 07:15

How did you find out that she says that. Whatever way it was you need to try to stop the flow eg tell DExtb that you don't want to discuss her or hear about her or what she says.

Thatsfuckingshit · 07/08/2018 07:16

I don't get this.

You dislike them, they dislike you. But you are upset that they don't like you.

You instigated a divorce her brother didn't want and th3n get the arse on because she isn't happy about it.

He doesn't want the divorce but has met someone and got serious enough to introduce them to his family. He then gets upset his sister likes the new woman and is upset she supports the divorce. If he still isn't happy about the divorce, why introduce the new woman?

YeTalkShiteHen · 07/08/2018 07:18

Twice you’ve stated you’re happy to be away from them OP, but they’re not allowed to feel the same?

FuckPants · 07/08/2018 07:25

Why are you giving this any headspace?

You don't like them, they don't like you, big fucking deal.

Frankwindsor · 07/08/2018 07:27

Honestly, you will move past this. I still recall the joy I felt when divorcing ex, when I realised that I would never ever have to see his family or friends again - divorce can be a wonderful thing! Onwards and upwards, let them all get on with it!

mineisarossini · 07/08/2018 07:28

Stop listening to your ex's nasty little comments. Why do you need to know your SIL is looking forward to a new version of you??

He is being poisonous. Stop engaging with him, stop engaging with them through him.

You are well shot of all of them!

Focus entirely on your own life from now on. What they think of you is irrelevant.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/08/2018 07:38

Your ex is a bit of a piece of work himself, isn't he? Is there some sort of emergency that he needed to introduce a new girlfriend to his family? Not very considerate of your feelings, is he?

Your ex-family-in-law sound a bit frenetic to me. Busybody-ing, gossiping, actively wanting to 'do stuff'... all of those I would find intrusive. The 'doing stuff' is fine and well if it evolves naturally but for your ex-SIL to be planning this, well - good luck to the new SIL (as she'll undoubtedly be called after just one meeting).

She may recoil in horror and never see your ex again - or she may embrace this clingy family to her bosom little realising what she's got there. Or she might recognise it and herself as he same - and be at one with them.

Either way, you're entitled to feel how you do and it must be confusing that your ex is somehow 'upset' over something that he has wrought himself. Fool!

Some posters on this thread have the emotional range of a teaspoon (credit Hermione Grainger, HP), pay them no heed. It's possible to be upset about something that you're losing even if the change is positive in the long run. Sometimes that long run seems awfully far into the distance. I would have thought that quite obvious really, but...

Commiserations OP but congratulations too - you're not so much losing a family as regaining a life and your sanity.

Thatsfuckingshit · 07/08/2018 07:47

I can't help wonder if the ops dh has been driving force for the bad relationship, between his sister and his wife.

He can't be that upset you are getting divorced. He wouldn't have introduced a new woman.

Bet you anything, that a lot of what OP has been told her all has said about her has come through her stbexh and I bet he has put his own twist on things. Bet he has been telling his sister all sorts of bullshit too.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/08/2018 07:55

Your inlaws have never taken to you. They’re two faced and gossips. Of course they are going to talk to your stbex in this way. It’s in their nature. They aren’t going to suddenly change because the two of you are divorcing.

It sounds as though you are sensitive to their comments - I would be too btw. Unless he’s concerned they will bad mouth you to / in front of your children, perhaps he should not have shared this with you. Alternatively maybe he’s finally seeing them for who they really are and it’s his way of supporting you. Either way it could be a good idea to talk to him as to why he told you. Not in an accusatory way. But in a co parenting capacity.

Them being all over her is also a way of encouraging him to stop trying to get back with you. The thing you both need to try to do is not have your children as collateral damage in this clearly screwed up family.

OliviaStabler · 07/08/2018 08:04

YANBU to be upset but it is hardly surprising from what you have said about her.

I think you should be angry with your ex. Unless he wanted to hurt you, there is no reason to tell you what she said, is there?

Piffle11 · 07/08/2018 10:53

If they're that awful then they are no loss to you: the new GF will soon have all the crap to deal with. But why is your ex telling you what they are saying about you? Sounds like he enjoys stirring it up … he must know that you're going to get upset or angry, and yet he still does it … I think you're well rid of him, too.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.