Who would take care of DS.....

[Icantgetnosleep000]

My DH and I have a 9 month old baby

Talk today turned to the morbid case of what if we crashed the car on the way home from our baby free lunch

Serious consideration must be paid to legal guardianship

The situation is this: we live an hour away from my parents, his parents live in another country and sister (plus husband and two young children) live in a different country again. My family is tiny- parents and brother.

All family members are fantastic. I love my parents dearly and they are young for their ages. They are well equipped to nurture a young child in every sense.

But....

It cannot be ignored that in to provide son with the most sustainable (long term) future that is most similar in ethos to mine and DHs outlook .... We'd be looking at his sister and her family.

This breaks my heart. Naturally it's all a huge hypothetical situation (thank god) but imagine- if my parents lose us, and then their only grandchildren is shipped off to another country. No matter how close and understanding everyone is, they would effectively be losing him from their lives completely and that is unacceptable.

What on earth is the right thing to do?

The conversation regarding appointing a legal guardian never reached a conclusion and we are relaxed about it- but now ds is here it is a topic we must revisit, and it is playing is on my mind. What's the best way forward?! AIBU to consider SIL?

I know as an outsider viewing this, it's easy- give son the life that is most like the one he would have had, he is the main one to consider. But it would break my parents, possibly even telling them this decision (should we make it)

You put your son's needs first...whatever that may be.

We are in a similar situation OP and are thinking of approaching close friends of ours rather than family as they have a daughter who is a similar age to ours and similar views/ ethos to us. We wouldn't chose either parents as it would be a lot to ask and due to age. Likewise siblings are all overrun with their own children so I don't think it would be the best thing.

You need to think long term about your babies best interests rather than emotionally- that's how I'm looking at it anyway.

It’s a horrible conversation if course. But a necessary one. If the worst should happen you want DS to go straight to the people who will be his long term carers, not shipped from pillar to post while there’s international legal battles between the families going on.

Choose the legal guardians that you feel are in your DS’s best interests. Everyone else involved are adults and while you don’t want to hurt them, they’re not your responsibility in the way that DS is.

I don't know op. 3 of my DC have no living relatives in this country. The only one lives on the other side of the world. Dc4 has his dad so he would go there. It scares the bejesus out of me. Especially as I am approaching the age my mum was when she died and I am only in my 40s! I have great friends but with the best will in the world taking on 3 extra DC would have massive implications for them.
Its a fucker.

On MN, people have this delusion that children can be 'willed' to guardians - they cant, the court will appoint guardians in the childs best interests. You can make your preferences known and these will be taken into consideration

Lets say, hypothetically, SIL lives in a war zone. No court in the land is going to allow a British national child to go to that country. Your parents could challenge any guardianship anyway. you are also - assuming at the moment - that SIL wants the responsibility of your children, plus her own family. She very well may not.

Name changed for this as it's very identifying.

My brother died. I am my nephew's legal guardian now. I made the very difficult decision not to bring him to the UK as it would be too much of a culture shock.

You do whatever best benefits the child, not your relatives.

We did not name where the children go in our wills, things change. However we did state who (courts willing) gets the largest voice so acts as guardian even if they do not have them ultimately with them.

Logically if anything were to happen to both of you, as your parents are the only ones in the UK, they would take your child initially and would probably be appointed his legal guardians. They did a good job with you so I imagine you'd trust them. Don't dwell on it, life's too short.

You can name who you would like to be a guardian in a " letter of wishes " that your solicitor will keep along with your will.

Does your brother live in this country? What's wrong with him having him?

NewYearNewMe18

Where are you getting that from? I went 2 months ago to a lawyer to set up a will and appoint guardian. What IS a common misconception is that godparents are automatically guardians - they aren’t.