To Wonder What Age An Adolescent Is Ok In Town Alone?

[GrumpyCatwoman]

I have a 12 year old very responsible DD. DD has been allowed to shop in towns with her friends without an adult a couple of times, and walks about a mile to & from the bus stop for school on her own when there is no other option, plus has previously been allowed to walk about half a mile into town centre alone. On the occasions she is alone, she texts updates of where she is (i.e. off the bus, on the bus, or arrived in town). We live in a fairly safe small town.

I now have an appointment in a bigger city - as cities go, probably considered a fairly safe city - quite touristy, big cathedral, etc. City centre is pedestrianised. The appointment is at one end of the pedestrianised zone, but DD cannot go with me. DD wants to go into town with me (not a local town, so not easy for us to return another day just to do it together), and browse the shops while I go to my appointment, which will last for 50 minutes. I can keep my phone on, and if something happened and she needed me, I could be there within a couple of minutes if I ran. She doesn't know the city, but she can't get lost - layout is very straight forward.

I feel very torn. On the one hand, it really is a fairly safe city, especially if she sticks to the main precinct - which I would ask her to. She is also a very sensible girl, truly has her head screwed on right. She's never let me down. I have had no problems with letting her walk to local town or shop alone. I have had no problems with us going in different shops when we're at a big shopping centre in our region. She doesn't look like a child, she definitely looks secondary school age.

On the other hand, while I trust her, the world is full of bastards - I'm not sure what I think could happen to her in public in this situation, but I just feel vaguely uncomfortable and am dithering.

So just wondering how others feel about this? What age would you allow a just pre-teen child to shop alone without you right by their side?

Does she have a friend who would like to come along too? You could drop them in the pedestrianised area and tell them not to stray from there. I drop my year old daughter and her friend to shopping centre and they go off to buy overpriced t-shirts and body spray while I have a coffee and shout at people on Twitter. At the end of two hours I gather them up and head home.

I'd let her! She's shown she can be trusted and responsible. There aren't weirdos around every corner and it would be nigh on impossible for a paedophile to abduct a vocal 12yo without anyone noticing. I'd say yes but keep in text contact every 30 seconds and if any probs find a lady with children and stick with her til you can yet to her. I know she feels like your baby, but it's time to loosen the apron strings. Far bigger dangers from cars in non pedestrianised areas etc! If you wait til she's older to give her freedom you're at risk of making her overly anxious about being free. Caution is sensible, but it's very easy to go overboard

Lelly - thanks for your response. Sadly none of her friends are free. So it is either her go with me and be alone, or I don't take her.

Sounds fine to me. Perhaps you could arrive early and spend an hour together walking round and getting used to the area?

In Y7 DS was taking himself off to London for the day with his mates.

As soon as they are able to go to and from school on public transport, I really don't see a problem.

I have a 12 year old dd, and yes, I think I'd allow this - in fact, I was debating whether to take me to our nearest city next time I go shopping and send her off as a useful 'life experience' (city sounds like yours - big pedestrian area, quite 'nice'/safe) Personally, I'd probably start off with a trip with just her rather than taking a mate, as mine is more prone to be ditsy/silly with a mate around and much more likely to be sensible alone. Brief her on what to do if she gets lost/feels uncomfortable, and that if anyone talks to her and she doesn't like it to tell them loudly to go away, and let her test her wings a little ;-)

I'd say yes but keep in text contact every 30 seconds...it's time to loosen the apron strings.

@Gardenpicnic oops I meant minutes. Come across as quite sarcastic now!

She’ll be fine. She doesn’t need to text every few minutes she’s alone. You’ll end up making her scared of her own shadow and completely neurotic. Tell her where you’ll be give her £5 and tell her to meet you at x in an hour or similar.

I can't see any conceivable reason why she wouldn't be safe to do this. Let her, and show that you trust her by not expecting her to text you constantly - only if she needs something (I would use the wording "if you need something" rather than "if anything happens") or is delayed.And when you see her again, just act pleased to see her, not OTT relieved that she survived, and offer to take her for an ice cream or something, so you still get a bit of the "nice day out together" feel.

I was first allowed to walk all the way into the city centre and back on my own when I was 12, and my mum was considered quite over-protective for the time. I honestly believe that cities are not less safe now, it's just attitudes to safety that have changed.