DH and DD1 going away for a few days

[WhyOhWine]

next week, DD2 is going to a summer camp (PGL type thing) for a week. DD1 (14) decided shehas outgorwn it so is not going this year. She has now worked out that all of her friends are on holiday next week so it is likely to be a pretty boring week for her at home.

I have suggested she and DH go away for a few days if they can find a cheap flight.
I work full time and will not be able to take additional annual leave (we have already had our family holiday). DH currently does part time consultancy work and in his area there is always an August slow down so he does not have very much on at the moment.

I have mentioned this plan to my mum who was a bit funny about it (kind of implying DH has the life of Riley at my expense). A few of my colleages have also mentioned that it seems a bit unfair that i will be working hard earning the money while everyone else is off having a nice time spending it. (I earn significantly more than DH and always have, even when he worked full time).

AIBU to think that if roles were reversed no-one would think anything about me and DD going away for a few days while DH is at work. In fact, my (male) boss owns a house in Portugal and his family spend the whole summer there with him going out for a couple of weeks plus a couple of long weekends, and no one at work says anything about that being unfair on him.

We’re in the same situation but reversed. Myself and DD will be doing a few days here and there whilst DH works away. We’ve had a holiday and have another at the end of the hols. So we’re playing it by ear and hoping to catch up with friends in various parts of the U.K. (prob cheaper to fly than drive but it’s a road trip 😂)

I think if you don't mind them going without you, why should anyone else? But do you think DD1 might start expecting this as a regular thing in the future? Or that DD2 might decide she'd rather have a second holiday than go on summer camp next year? I'd be worried about setting an expensive precedent that might cause problems later.

DD2 does not mind about "missing out" - she is so excited about camp as lots of the people she made friends with last year are going back the same week and she would much rather do that than visit art galleries with DH! Plus DH and DD1 will only go if the cost (or at least DD1's share of the cost) is not massively more than we would have paid if DD1 had gone to summer camp - they are looking for cheap flights (which seem to be available to a couple of acceptable places if they travel at 7am!) plus low cost hotels.

I am ok with it, or rather i would be at work even if DH and DD1 were at home so although i would of course much rather be going with them, that is not an option and although i will be a bit jealous i would rather they were doing fun things rather than missing out just because I cant go.

From what I can work out, the only reason anyone seems to mind then going without me is because I am the woman and it therefore somehow feels wrong to them. It sounds like Singlebut married has not had the same reaction where the roles are reversed.

DH took DS skiing without me as our HR at the time messed up my AL and I thought I had none left. They had a great time together.
Maybe different as they did a specific "thing" but I don't recall any negative reactions.

DH is taking DS2 away without me next week. Work commitments mean I cannot go, we have had our big holiday. I am happy with the arrangement.
At home alone! Own choice of food, own choice of TV, no one else making a mess.
What is not to like!

Don't understand the objection here, unless where they were going was significantly more expensive than the PGL trip.
Thinking about it, my DF and I often went away when I was a teenager despite the fact that DM was the main breadwinner. She's always been a bit of a homebody and doesn't like going away.

You sound a lovely mum.

I dont understnad the objection either. On my mum's part she was saying that it was unfair that i was the one who had to do all the hard work while DH gets to enjoy the fruits of my labours. I am sure she would not say the same if roles were reversed.

I do work much harder than DH tbf, but even if DH worked the same hours as me he would not earn nearly as much as me, and I enjoy my job so it makes sense. DH does more "childcare" (to the extent required by a 13 and 14 year old) and also does around the house than me.

Our contributions are not equal given the ages of the DC , but we do not need him to work more so I am happy he is around more for the DC and it does make my life easier too. In reality i do not think it is different from a situation involving a man with a wife who is a SAHM to older children. But my mum sees it differently so I am pondering if there is sexism or something at play here.

It sounds as if she is still holding very old fashioned views that a womans place is caring for the kids, which she herself probably doesn't understand as presumably she brought you up to be the person you are. Sometimes we are a product of our upbringing and some things are ingrained without us realising it. Was she the instrumental one in your childhood op?

I have the same life situation as you OP (I work longer hours and make a LOT more than my husband) and I have no issues with him taking DD to holidays and things like that.

My mom was a SAHM mother, and my father worked a lot, and she took me and my sister sometimes on foreign holidays, and it was fine also.