To feel this way about his new girlfriend

[jhyugtf]

So while I’m here alone, 8 weeks away from giving brith, suffering with gestational diabetes along with other things that make this a complicated pregnancy, 6 days away from turning 19, I have found out the man (man child?) who’s baby I’m carrying, has moved on to another partner.

What’s the problem here? When I found out I was pregnant he left me because “he never wanted a future with me anyway”, - however , he would messaged me and ask to see me, tell me that he missed me, that he loved me, that me and our baby were the most important thing to him, that he thinks about us all the time, he would act like we were together but he never committed to me beyond sex, all whilst telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me but would not call himself my boyfriend. he was / is also on tinder.

He was using me for sex. It came to a blow about 5 weeks ago when I truly realised what was happening, that I was being used. After telling him I was not doing it anymore unless he committed to me completely, he told me not to contact him unless it was about our child, in which I adhered to, and since he refused to take time off to come to any scans, I gave him updates semi regularly but that is all.

Anyway, about a week ago, I took my profile picture down from WhatsApp, I then quickly received a message from him asking me why I had removed it, I explained that It did not matter why I removed it and told him he was obviously not blocked or anything in case that was his thinking? His reply was “I like to see you :(“ “is it bad that I like to see you” “you looked nice in your picture” , I ignored these messages and he deleted them quickly, hoping I had not seen them. I had. Various other comments such as when I told him our daughter was beautiful after having a 4D scan, he said “She gets her good looks from you then”. I ignored this comment too. I am a lot happier when we do not talk about anything other than her, and she is and always will be my priority, however I do still love him and of course have feelings for him, but that does not mean I would ever touch him with a barge pole again, no thank you.

Anyway, feeling depressed and overwhelmed with everything, I did some Facebook stalking and other digging and found out he is seeing a girl he knows from school, so it’s not like they’ve just met they’ve known each other and been friends for a very very long time. My reaction surprised me, initially hurt, then just.. I don’t know, calm? Then anger when I realised the messages he had been sending me all while being with her? Am I over reacting here? As far as I’m aware he hasn’t told anyone that he’s having a baby except for 1 close friend and his mother and sister, I pressed him constantly to tell people but he would not. So I’m assuming she’s got no idea he’s having a baby in 8 weeks, and that he was happily having sex with me until 5 weeks ago 🤕.

What do I do here? He’s told me he will be at the birth, I have messaged him asking if we can Skype so I can go over something’s with him regarding it , considering I have to be induced and labour might not progress very quickly , so he may be waiting for a while etc etc, he’s ignored this message but when he does get round to replying do I tell him that I know he’s seeing someone else? (Someone, by the way, that he told me he asked out when he was 15 but she rejected him and I always suspected he still had a thing for)

Do I tell the girl he’s seeing? I’m at a loss, considering he lives 70 miles away from me, when I have her and I come to him and vice versa so he can see her, it means he will have to stay overnight so I really would like to keep things as civil as possible but yeah... I’m lost right now. Do I have a right to be upset? Am I being unreasonable? Is my head just spinning?

Do you have a mother, a sister, and aunt or a friend who could be with you for the birth? Get that sorted before you do anything else now. Are you living somewhere you can stay with the baby? Get all the practicalities in place for a life without him. Think about a support network- because you will, I promise, get no support from him. What are you going to do for money?

Do not have him at the birth. Do not give baby his last name, do not put him on the birth certificate. Do not engage further until baby is born, when you should let him know. After the birth, your priority will be the baby. If you are in contact, ask yourself each week ‘is he making it easier for me to care for the baby , or is he stressing me out, making life difficult and being all about him? Is he contributing any money?’ IF the answer is no, disengage.

Have you someone supportive who can be there at the birth? You need someone who will support you, not a selfish twat.

I will tell you what I told my own daughter when she was in a similar situation 26yrs ago.
Don't allow him at the birth and certainly don't put his name on the baby's birth certificate once you do that you will never get rid of him.
He is just playing at being the concerned father and you and your baby's future is not a game to be played lightly,he sounds very immuture and not worth your time tbh.
Twenty six years later my GSs father has never so much a bought him a pair of socks and has gone on to have other children by other mothers my DD has married and had other children and my DD has done well for herself in her job even though she is not a high earner they have managed over the years and DGS is now in his 3rd year studying law so there is life after these waste of space fathers.
You sound very grounded and sensible and your baby is lucky to have you as its mummy. good luck xx

Completely agree with all the pp. you sound like you've got your head screwed on, and he's a fool. Don't trip over yourself to have him involved. He needs to prove himself and step up, and if he does, great - but if he doesn't, don't stress yourself over trying to make him something he's not.

Also it's not your responsibility to inform this new gf of his child, she'll find out eventually and that's between them - it's of no benefit to you for her to know, and you'll just be seen as stirring the pot anyway.

Good luck with everything with your daughter, you'll be great.

As many have mentioned give your baby your surname and move on. You and your child are a team now. Cause unfortunately you will both be affected by his decisions but it's not the end of the world!

I'm a young single mother and its hard but actually not bad at all.

He has shown no interest doesn't matter what crap words come through on the phone. That''s like the laziest thing to do.
If he is serious tell him to show up at YOUR doorstep on the hospital dates.

You don't need anybody distracting you from a huge journey.

This opportunity will allow you to grow as a woman and you'll meet someone amazing one day. For now you and your baby are a team.

Let this boy grow up on his own.
Your only responsibility is your child now!

I was in exactly the same situation as you, like exactly.

I'm 21, and I've now got a little lovey daughter. I was with her dad a long time when he broke up with me, and the pregnancy was made horrific by him. He'd come round, cry to me, tell me he loved me that he wanted to be a family. Sleep with me, and of course I'd let him because I was consumed with love for him. He ended up giving me chlamydia, and missed the birth of our daughter.

I later found, from Facebook stalking, he'd changed his relationship status on the day she was born. He was with somebody new and they were "madly in love" (they'd known each other a couple of months.)

When she broke up with him a few months down the line, he was back, weeping to me like a little bitch and trying to get back together.

If I was you I would go completely no contact with him. I know it's hard and I know you love him but please don't make the same mistakes as me, letting him
Fuck you around. Give the baby your last name whatever you do DONT put this dick on the birth certificate but most important of all don't listen to a fucking word this scummy twat says. Don't face time him, don't contact him.

You have your whole life ahead of you. You and your child. Don't throw it all away for this twat. You deserve the world and all the love in the world. This dick taking advantage and you're wasting your best years missing him and wishing he loved you as much as you love him.

Wishing you all the luck and happiness in the world OP

You deserve better than having some moron messing with your head. You've had some wise and excellent advice here, please take it. I hope all goes well with the birth and you and your baby have a brilliant life without her father. 💐

You need to put your child first now, he is clearly useless. I wouldn't worry about things that have happened in the past. Carry on ignoring anything petty for the sake of your daughter.

Do you actually want him at the birth? He doesn’t have any right to tell you he will be there unless that’s what you want too. It doesn’t matter if it is his baby, it’s about what is best for you giving birth. Have you got a mum, sister or friend you can have there instead? You need all the love and support you can get giving birth and it doesn’t sound like he can provide this.

Echoing other posters just don’t engage with him. He’s made it clear that you are not his priority so stop making yourself available to him whenever he feels like contacting you.