Irritated by thoughtless newborn visitors

[Fillmylittleworld]

Aaaaaaahh! Need to know if I’m being unreasonable or just a grumpy mum to a newborn and toddler (and maybe just have a moan if that’s ok!) I’ve nc for this thread.

Had my 2nd on Sat morning... c section.... visiting hours in the ward were 3-4 and 6-8 which were communicated to family (my parents who were looking after toddler and DHs parents).
Agreement beforehand was that DH would update family on timings after surgery, but that it was unlikely we would be ready for visitors at the 3-4 visit so ppl should aim for the 6-8 session.

Anyway, c section was complicated by a few things, I lost more blood than expected and newborn arrived later than planned and (about 1.30pm) and was struggling to feed. DH let both sides of family know this and my parents said fine, maybe see you at 6-8 but only if you’re up for it. No response from DHs parents.
At 3pm when we were still in recovery room DHs parents arrived at hospital and tried to come in! Obv midwife didn’t let them. They then kept messaging DH asking when we would be on ward (which obv we didn’t know). Finally at 3.55 we were moved to ward and DHs parents were there, waiting. Midwives were trying to tell me about the ward while my newborn was passed round the in laws. They were then kicked out thankfully after 10 minutes as that visiting time had finished, but it really flustered and upset me.
My parents and toddler visited at 6 which went fine.

Day 2 - Sunday - we were sent home at midday ish as all was good with baby and me. my parents were at my house with toddler. Offered DHs parents a visit as they only saw newborn for 10 mins day before. They confirmed they’d come in afternoon.
They arrived at 7.30pm (toddlers bedtime) and stayed for 2 hours!!. Toddler then didn’t want to go to bed and had a melt down. My mum kept making hints about cooking dinner but DHs parents just kept quaffing prosecco. Me falling asleep holding newborn on sofa after an hour didn’t even cue them to leave!

Today I’m angry. Don’t know whether to say anything to them. They’ve never been like this before really. Aaaaaaagh.

I think sometimes people forget quite how vulnerable people can feel after giving birth, you often don't feel your most assertive and therefore can't give them the "do one" they deserve.

My ils came and stayed to provide child care when I had one of my dc.
When I came home I cooked full roast dinner while they played pass the baby.
Exils. Wonder why?

Ti think yabu. Maybe they wanted some time without your parents there? Maybe they came at a time they thought it was just you, dp and dc.

I agree with @InDubiousBattle

Your husband should be standing up for you and his children.

If the other grandparents were there, they probably thought they were welcome too. It seems as if your ILs are a nuisance whilst your parents are treated as a help?

But Aprilshowersinaugust - that's exactly what I wanted! I wanted people to play pass the baby. We had family for Christmas 12 days after DC3 was born. I desperately wanted to do the cooking and was frustrated by my mum and DH insisting I relax and let them get on with it.

Everyone's different. No-one's a mind-reader.

Those newborns are really insensitive.Lol

When DC1 arrived, we told both sets of grandparents that visiting time was 3pm (this is the time we were told on the hospital tour a few weeks prior).

FIL (who has a history of being an insensitive, pig headed arse) rang the hospital the morning DD was born to be told visiting started at 2. So, without telling us or even telling MIL, he set off for the hospital intending to arrive at 2. He was desperate to see the baby before MIL (they, er, don’t get on).

So, like you OP, I arrive on the postnatal ward hours later than expected, having been to theatre for surgery to repair a third degree tear, feeling completely battered and traumatised, to have my FIL turn up within minutes, ranting about us getting the visiting hours wrong. Then he sent my DH away to the cafe To say he was the last person I wanted to see at that point was an understatement.

DD is nearly 7 and I still feel angry and sad about it. And he still brags to MIL that he saw her first.

Congratulations! I'm sure you're exhausted, try to just write it off, you now know your limit, communicate with DH - secret signal for him to say 'time to leave thanks'?!

DHs parents knew my parents were staying with us so I don’t think the reason they arrived so late when they said afternoon visit. I don’t think 7.30pm is afternoon in anyone’s book!
My parents live far away so don’t have the option of “dropping in” which is why they are staying with us and why they were looking after toddler. I’m very lucky that my mum has taken over cooking, cleaning, shopping etc while I can recover from the section I think.

The key difference to me wasn’t so much the arriving so late on day 2 but what they did at the hospital on day 1!
My parents did what I expected and waited for us to confirm the visiting time even offering to come the next day if I wasn’t up for it.
As I said in my OP DHs parents turned up and then pestered him via text while I was trying to recover and feed my child to see when we were going to be on the ward!

Aaaagh ok think I need to just let this go now, chalk it up to experience and be firm in my expectations for future visits. thanks for your responses

@RoseWhiteTips haha so many newborns crawling round this area and visiting - little monsters! Lol

No, you aren't being unreasonable I think I'd be irked by that too. You must be exhausted. Maybe just be honest and tell them gently that you are adjusting to new baby and knackered! They should really know this but as pp said maybe it's just excitement!

Congratulations, anyway!