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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it me or my mum

4 replies

JaneCare · 06/08/2018 04:41

I recently got out of an abusive relationship (sexual assault, emotional abuse). As my ex kept the house we shared, i have had to stay with my mum for a few months. My mum was abused by her parents (emotionally and physically) and so she has always been affected by this. Id say from the age of about 9 I was regularly sitting on her bed when she cried at night trying to make her feel better (my older sisters didnt really have to do this). I definitely grew up to be a helper/rescuer because of this, and i think its severely affected how i view myself.

Anyway, i have been paying full rent since i have been here, and treated my mum to gifts, meals out and cinema trips etc. I have used my annual leave at work to take her on days out. She has put me off finding somewhere else to live as in her words she doesnt want to be left with my dad. She creates a big deal if i am out for the night or guilt trips me into coming home if i was staying out. All this makes me sound like a child but I am 30.

I have night terrors due to the sexual assault i experienced. Mum's house is small so tonight she has been woken up by my screaming and crying. She has ran into my room screaming at me that I have woken her up, that im selfish, that i am a cunt. I apologised but she has continued screaming. My dad woke up telling her to leave me alone, but she has turned on him. She is now slamming around the house calling me a bitch.

I have to get up for work in 2 hours. She doesnt work. Aibu to expect her to be a bit more understanding or am I in the wrong for disrupting her sleep.

I have never felt love off her, i wish I had a mum who could comfort me when i was crying but she constantly says she doesnt want to talk about my ex partner. I just dont know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
GinDoll · 06/08/2018 04:44

She sounds awful and you need to move out ASAP! I would also suggest counselling if you can afford it. It sounds like you've had a really difficult time and you should be able to talk about it Flowers

Movablefeast · 06/08/2018 04:56

Yes, you have both been traumatized and it is not helping. It is also not your job to rescue your mother. Please move out asap and find help for yourself.

PostNotInHaste · 06/08/2018 05:08

You poor thing Flowers it definitely is not your fault. Your Mum is an adult and should know better than to treat you like this, what she has been through is no excuse. You are not at fault in any way here.

It’s very tough when you realise a parent doesn’t always have your best interests at heart and a bit of of process to get through it, counselling can be very helpful. As a first step, definitely time to move out and get on with your life, to focus on what you want Flowers

ferntwist · 06/08/2018 05:52

YANBU. She was totally out of order to call you a cunt - her own daughter who has been through hell! She should have been giving you a huge cuddle. You’ve bent over backwards to look after her and make her happy while you’ve been staying there and you should never have been treated like this.
You sound lovely and I hope you can put your mum’s behaviour in perspective and also find a partner who deserves you next time. You’re heading in the right direction. So glad you left your abusive ex.

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