Sorry in advance for a potentially long thread.
Have been with OH for two years now. He lives with me the majority of the time.
At the start, he'd been out of a 7yr relationship for 3 months. I was with someone I loved dearly, but was leaving the country so it ended. The main difference being OH was dumped and was bitter about it. My then bf and I did not have any animosity.
OH and I really hit it off. I wanted to keep it casual. He insisted on a relationship, so I agreed to try and see where it went. It was lots of fun, summer romance. Then one afternoon, he sent me a photo of the ex as he was cleaning his flat one day saying "hard to throw away" (this was 4 months in) and I found it not only insensitive, but also insulting as she is (being blunt) noticeably unattractive. He was still obviously bitter. So I made extra effort, cooking really nice meals, doted on him, even arranged a therapist.
Shortly after, he then refused to make any acknowledgement of me on social media... Which usually I wouldn't give a toss about, and his explanation was "I don't do social media"... Except he had hundreds of pictures of everyone BUT me. All exes, friends, family. I wasn't even acknowledged, you would never know I existed. When pointing it out, I was snapped at. To this day he has never initiated a picture of us together. I believe two exist.
I cover all household expenses. It's my house I guess... But it's not just me living in it. In the two years when I've pointed out he makes no contribution, he uses the strange excuse that he can't as we don't have a joint account. In the last 12mths he has made some contributions to grocery shopping.
He has no outgoings. If he's not here, he's at his familys, with all bills covered by them.
His family are rude and dismissive to me. Came to my house once, to pick up their car that he drives, as he'd gone away for work, and behaved in a manner as such I felt awkward in my own home. I brought it up, and after refusing to believe me, he eventually spoke to them. They lied, he called me a liar and as a result, I don't go to any social events so they don't have to acknowledge their behaviour. They've met me twice. I've invited them to dinner, and they didn't even respond.
He's never taken me out. Not once. On the very very rare occasions we have been anywhere, it's a local Chinese or something at my organisation. I pay most often. He's certainly never arranged anything for me.
His birthday, I bought him a whole new snowboarding wardrobe. My birthday (he works away) I didn't even get a card. I did get to sign for something he'd bought for himself and had sent to the house though!!
His ex was a cheat, who gave him an std, and yet she was given the world and he won't hear a bad word. He passed this std on to me as well, which I was so decent about, telling him, it's OK, these things happen, and I feel very few women would have been as calm as I was. He was of course apologetic. I've never had anything before. It wasn't his fault, but I feel it's one more example of me giving my all when I really had every reason not to, and his constant feeling entitled to nothing less from me.
I'm a qualified professional, with my own house, car, great job... And I "get" nothing so to speak. No thoughtfulness, no dates, no flowers, no little surprises. If I point this out, I'm "obsessed with the ex" which is honestly, laughable. I explain that I'm drawing reference to show that he obviously understands how to do nice things for other people, why am I treated so differently. Again, he rants that I'm digging up his past, to avoid the question.
He's very molly coddled. At 33. The sister, 40, is an absolute failure, (4 kids, no house, no job and a drunk boyfriend who's hit her in front of said children) but they are both treated as prodigal children by the family, and they all make excuses for why none of them are ever at fault... So I do understand that his upbringing plays a part here, but not in the way he disrespects me in so many ways compared to all previous relationships.
Am I being plain stupid in pursuing this any longer? He isn't a bad person. He's fairly good with my son. I'm just fed up of bringing everything I do to the table, which he's quite happy to take, and his ungrateful actions in return.
Am I sounding stupid. Am I holding out for someone who's never going to treat me any differently and always have an excuse why?
I ended it today. Aibu?