Asking people I don't know for money!

[Celestia26]

I am organising a Hen night for my friend in a few weeks and she has mentioned to me that it is expected that everyone else pays for the bride, and please can I speak to the other hens about this?
First of all, is this a thing? I had a Hen night a few years ago and I paid for my part.
Also, how do I approach this with the other hens? I don't really know any of them very well, and I feel uncomfortable asking people for more money, you just don't know what other people's financial situations are like!
Should I just pay for my friend to avoid asking everyone else? I'm not well off by any means but maybe this is the best option?
Help!!

It’s not customary for friends to pay for the brides hen night
Your friend is being rude expecting this
Just tell her that you are not comfortable asking this
She should be happy that her friends want to celebrate with her , not demand they pay for whatever she sees fit
FFS where does it end ?

It happens, but it doesn't come from the bride ffs 😂 what is she on?

So she picks the activities and then gets you to pay for them?

Brilliant.

I might leave DH so I can get married again, had no idea I could totally take advantage of my friends that way.

Is it a night out or a bigger event? I think this makes a huge difference

It's the norm in my Circle that the Bride doesn't pay. As said though, that hasn't cost anyone more than £20.

I had my hen do a couple of weeks ago, I didn't pay for my share. The hens split my share between themselves. I didn't expect this, I was told at the start this is the way it would be.

If I was organising a hen do, I would also suggest we cover the brides share between us.

It's a club and restaurant, so not huge.

It is the norm that the bride doesn’t pay, however it’s up to the rest of the party to decide, certainly not up to the grabby bride.
And not for a holiday abroad hen do which is costly enough

I think it's one thing if the bridesmaids arrange the hen as a surprise for the bride (and in this situation it's not likely to be a weekend in Europe) then they pay for her. If the bride chooses the activities herself it's usual for her to also pay for herself (unless the bridesmaids offer to cover her as a gift).

Maybe you could raise it with the others but miss out the fact that she asked. No point in rocking the boat if it's not going to run into the hundreds.

Bride sounds cheeky though

Agree with pps and would also add depends on how the bride is organising the actual day. If she's paying for all the BM's dresses, shoes, accessories etc, the treating her for her hen is more of a quid pro quo.

This was the norm on the most recent hen night I've been on. Her chief bridesmaid told us what the options were and how much to pay, including covering the bride. We are talking a few quid, though, not 100s! I was just hugely grateful someone else was organizing it and more than happy to contribute.

I didn't know paying for the bride was a thing until the last hen weekend I went to, I paid for myself for my own years ago, maybe it's a new thing

It's increasingly common for the other hens to pay for the bride - though this annoys me when it's a very extravagant hen and the costs end up being ridiculous. But the other hens are likely expecting it and will understand when you ask them

We have always paid for the brides experience. But it's always been hotel, meal and an activity. Between15 people it adds an extra £10 or so to the whole cost.

Bride would buy her own drinks or add money to the kitty.

It would be normal in my experience for the hens to cover a (reasonably priced) brides share. As to everyone saying it's cheeky for the bride to say so- other than by asking how else is the bride supposed to know if she needs to find money for it? The op doesn't plan hen parties, I think hinting thats what's expected before the details are set in stone sounds perfectly reasonable and not at all cheeky. I would also expect that most of the group going would anticipate that the quote would include this so I wouldn't feel bad about asking op.