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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD BF Mother

16 replies

Mumontheedge1 · 05/08/2018 17:42

So I have an adult daughter (24) who is back living at home after a troublesome few years of really ghastly boyfriends - So she has been going out with her BF for 1 week - the BF's mother is acting like her BFFL - chatting to her whenever she meets the BF and planning on spending the day with her tomorrow while BF is at work - now every time i comment on DD facebook status BF Mother comments too - she has literally known this person for about 3 weeks - DD tends to go into relationships head first - but DD BF mother is saying things like I am so glad you have found each other - wtf is this all about - I am really not to sure and also very worried and cynical as my DD is quite a vulnerable soul - advice please -

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 05/08/2018 17:44

Advice ? your DD is 24, she's an adult, it's up to her to set her own boundaries.

Personally I'd find it suffocating, but some people seem to enjoy the attention being smothered brings.

Singlenotsingle · 05/08/2018 17:47

Nothing you can actually do about it. Maybe the bf's mother hasn't got anything else in her life, but she's likely to frighten them off, behaving like this.

Emmageddon · 05/08/2018 17:51

Boyfriend's mum sounds very lonely

LittleMe03 · 05/08/2018 17:57

She's 24 years old. You need to let her live her own life. I think the mother sounds friendly and welcoming actually. Maybe she doesn't have a daughter of her own to spend days with like this and her and your DD get on well. I don't see a problem

Glumglowworm · 05/08/2018 17:58

It’s odd and it would annoy me but DD is 24, which is more than old enough to deal with it herself if she doesn’t like it.

Whereismumhiding2 · 05/08/2018 18:14

I think.you can help and advise your 24 year old DD but not much more than that.
Bf's DM sounds suffocating and there might be issues there but your DD is old enough she doesn't need her DM to fight her battles.

Yea it's worrying and is a worry too that BF isn't telling his DM to step back, what meh, what can you do!?

upsideup · 05/08/2018 18:19

Does your dd actually mind? Or does she get on well with her BF's mum? Thats all that should matter to you.
My 22 year old dd has a close relationship with her bf's mum, when I havent been there she has been so supportive and kind to dd.

Pengggwn · 05/08/2018 18:32

More consonant acronyms in there than I can deal with at this time on a Sunday.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/08/2018 18:44

The boyfriend's mother is love bombing your daughter, which is really inappropriate and creepy. It would make me wonder why she is doing this. Does her son have a history of bad relationships, does she have emotional problems, etc. Given your daughter's age, I don't think there's anything you can do, but perhaps a talk would at least open the lines of communication.

Original poster
Mumontheedge1 · 05/08/2018 19:56

thanks for your comments everyone - Yes that is exactly it aquamarine - she is being love bombed - I am really concerned that we don't have a handle on this situation the BF is slightly concerning and I get that my DD is old enough to make her own decisions but in the past couple of years they have been dire and led her into some challenging situations - she is very emotionally vulnerable and jumps into relationships without actually looking to see if what the person is is something she would want - she is looking for love and has low self esteem - this led her to sleeping rough on the streets for a week - and me being contacted by the sleeping rough team - BF has rotting teeth and that worries me - as to why - Neglect ? Drugs ? and why is his mum so desperate - she has met DD for 1 hour so far and now is spending days with her ? im worried

OP posts:
AnExcellentUsername · 05/08/2018 19:58

Is your full stop key broken?

VladmirsPoutine · 05/08/2018 20:00

It all sounds too much. I don't think there's much you can do at the moment other than watch it play out and voice concerns when there's something that warrants it. For now just support your daughter to get her life back on track and find means of raising her confidence and self-esteem.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/08/2018 20:05

Really, AnExcellentUsername? Someone is worried sick about their daughter and all you can do is snipe?

Aquamarine1029 · 05/08/2018 20:17

Personally, I would take the plunge and try to have a very candid conversation with your daughter. Without being judgemental, tell her that his mother's "interest" has you concerned and why, and then ask your daughter how she feels about it. Perhaps she hasn't even really thought about it. I would then express concerns about the boyfriend and ask how she feels. Tell her all you want is for her to be happy and secure, and that you're here for her if she needs support. It's worth a shot.

Original poster
Mumontheedge1 · 06/08/2018 07:58

whereyouleftit - seriously ??
Aquamarine1029 thank you - I have tried that but it fell on deaf ears - but all I can do is be there - and allow her to make her own decisions - it is helpful to talk here - the situation with my DD has been ongoing now for about 6 years and there is little in the way of support - probably because in the eyes of the law she is an adult - and on a day to day basis she is pretty good- emotionally though not so - and is a magnet for men to take advantage of her - i find it really hard to stand back and not be an over concerned parent - based on the past few years experiences my antenna are on the alert- the situation with this latest BF concerns me because she is so vulnerable and I am worried there is some need within the BF mother / family situation that I just cannot for the moment see- I know we are all different but it all seems too much too soon - from 0-100 overnight - with BF and BF's mother - and DD accepts it at face value - which in some ways is good but in others she has no filter - so does not initially sum things up before jumping in - not heard the expression love bombing before but seems about right - thanks

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 07/08/2018 09:57

Can you befriend the boyfriend's mother? Get to know her. Find out why her son has bad teeth. Maybe dental phobia rather than drug use.

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