AIBU to know I am pathetic

[CosmicCanary]

I thought about NC but I cannot remember my password so gave up.

This will be long. Sorry.

So nearly all the males in my life abuse me in some way and I allow it.
I could give detailed acounts but why bother.
It ranges from being stereotypical about women ( my dad) to being bullied by my 16 year old son and my boyfriend.

I see it happening and I try fight back sometimes, only to be told I am delusional/crazy/unreasonable....and the rest.
I seem to be surrounded by men.
I work in a male dominated industry and I hold my own. I am respected and listened to. Yet in my private life they walk all over me.

Today after being abused by 3 of these men in my life I just feel like telling them all to fuck off.
But I wont. I am weak. I need to keep the peace so I say nothing.

I feel more anger towards myself for putting up with it than I do towards them for dishing out.
I hate myself and they dont know or care.

no responses needed just wanted to say it/write it outloud.

I’m sorry they’re doing this to you, especially your son, you need to teach him it’s not ok so that he doesn’t do it to other women.

Yes they are doing it but you are allowing it

Take control of the situation

Thank you.

I do all the time. When it happens I say to my son this is not ok. You cannot treat women this way. You have little sisters dont be an arsehole man.
We are not close and he calls me delusional and various mysogontistic crsp.

I am more dissapointed in me than I am them.

You've got most of your life organised and under control. You could lose the disrespectful, abusive boyfriend, and tell the other two that they'll go the same way if they don't sort themselves out. You certainly can't let a 16 year old boy to get away with it. He's obviously learnt from the other two. Speak to the DC quietly and tell him what the score is.

Did/Does your son learn it from your boyfriend? Sounds horrendous. The fact you’re addressing it means you acknowledge that something is seriously wrong. I hope you resolve it

You know what? You are absolutely not pathetic - you really aren't. It sounds as though you've been browbeaten all of your life by various men, so it's something that you've got used to. I hesitate to ask, but where is/was your mother in all of this? Presumably you didn't have a strong mother in your life? Actually, not a strong mother - just a mother who shouldn't have allowed this to happen.

Whatever you put up with from your father and partner is one thing, but they are TEACHING your son. For his sake and the sake of the women in his life , please try to have a conversation about how damaging this is, your son needs to know that it isnt normal or acceptable. It doesnt make him manly. If you were putting him down every day and undermining his confidence it would be clear that was wrong.

No not the boyfriends fault it comes from his dad. Boyfriend and son basically pass each other in the kitchen.
I stopped contact for a year with my son after he got in my face fists clenched. He was 6ft at aged 14 hes now nearly 16 and now 6ft 4

Does he have a girlfriend? If so ask your son how his girlfriend would feel if he treated her the way that your partner treats you and see what he thinks. Then ask him what he'd think of her if she treated her mother that way. He might just make a connection.

Pan
My mother always bow down.
Strong woman in many ways honestly but was brought up with no mum and only men from aged 9. She chooses the quiet life.

For many years I vowed not to be like her.. but here I am.
I just want peace.

How does your bf, DS & DF treat your DDs? How do they treat other women in their lives, colleagues, teachers, family? ask yourself why you wouldn’t allow this treatment at work but at home you allow it? Then tell them all to fuck off and don’t come near me for anything until you can show some respect

You may not be able to cut your son from your life but is it worth keeping a relationship with your partner and your father if they treat you so appallingly and make you feel so awful?

How does your bf, DS & DF treat your DDs? How do they treat other women in their lives,

They adore their sisters. They are attentive and caring.
They love and respect their nannas. Perfectly behaved and helpful.

Its just me.
They walk all over me.

I used to kick back but I have had 6 months of parenting classes ( 16 yo is so bad ss got involved) abd I need to be calm and let things go....

You aren't pathetic, but you are vulnerable to a certain type as a result of yr background. We subconsciously recreate and gravitate to the patterns & templates created by our childhood. Abusers pick up on that subconsciously, they know who will react to their abuse the way they want. Also, abusers always deny, 'don't remember' or blame their victim OP. Counselling & getting rid of current abuser is the way forward. You manage at your male dominated work, so take this as proof you can, with help, do it in your personal life. Realising your issue is first step on road to sorting it. Very best of luck & don't be too hard on yourself.