To be envious of new parents friends having an easy ish time

[Icantgetnosleep000]

Ok I know this is most likely unreasonable. I need to vent a little!

First of all, I genuinely wish every new mum as good a time as possible in the newborn phase.

But....

AIBU to feel a little jealous and upset when I see friends out and about living their lives - ie in pubs, socialising - with their new new babies. They're not being irresponsible, I mean couples spending time out with their little one.

I'm jealous because I was housebound for the first 10 days due to extreme bruising and some tearing- I couldn't take anti inflammatories, walked like John Wayne and after one trip to the end of the road on day 4, realised I had made myself bleed loads. Sofa it was.

I genuinely enjoyed that time as it was cosy- winter, just me baby and DH, but subsequent to this initial restriction on my movements (and the shock at what had happened to my body) I became a slightly anxious parent, worrying about keeping newborn out too long in case it was too loud at gatherings, worrying about him crying, having difficulty BFing (and being conscious of it as the first amongst our couple friendship group) I constantly wanted to run back to the safety of our home with our DS!

I definitely didn't have PND but I was anxious. All ok now.

But... Now some couples in aforementioned group have had their own, I feel like they probably think I overplayed how difficult it was. Ok they probably don't spend a second of this whirlwind time thinking about me! But I feel a bit silly nonetheless

It's a bit like.... I always thought I'd be cool, calm, unchanged new mum taking it in her stride. I wasn't. They subsequently find it a breeze and I feel like a useless numpty.

Ps I know they suffer their hardships too, ones they won't publicise on social media. But... The pics of them out and about (or seeing them out with one week old babies) makes me want to go back and try again! And also explain to non parent friends that it really WAS hard.

Sigh. I need to stop comparing myself to others I am happy for them, truly. Just being honest as this is AIBU

You know what sweetheart? Everyone is just winging it. Those people who look like it's all a breeze, there will be something, maybe not now, but there will be some something that will cause them anxiety, something they find difficult. I had my babies over 20 years ago, when social media wasn't a thing, and I remember feeling just the same as you, that I wasn't doing something right, because other people seemed to find it so easy. One thing I realised was that NO ONE wanted to say they were having any kind of problem, they would be evasive or even lie about stuff.
The new born stage is hard when you're trying to recover physically from birth, deal with the hormone depletion, and getting to know your babies temperament etc. I bet you were envied by some people by the way you coped with your new born. And yes, comparison is the thief of joy, but we're all human and we all do it.

You know YABU , it's lovely that they are able to enjoy their time with new babies. You had a slightly more difficult time health wise, but that seemed to only be a couple of weeks, after that it was your anxiety, your experience and how you and your family managed it is nothing to do with them, they are just enjoying life as new parents, be happy for them not bitter.

Thank you putbigloghton, that has made me feel better. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy!

Also appreciate your input fash but I wouldn't say I was bitter. Just a little disappointed in myself!

You only see what they want you to see! On the surface I looked super cool, calm and glamorous.

You didn’t see the days I was covered in piss and vomit and literally so sleep deprived I forgot my own name.

I was very much the same after my first. Four kids later and I honestly think the more you have the easier it is. I have enjoyed subsequent babies far more but at the end of the day everyone's just trying their best and getting by. Try not to worry too much.