Aibu to be furious ? I just need to get all this off my chest.
I wanted a smallish wedding but was swept along into a 100 person do by parents (who were not paying but dm paid for the food). I know that’s my fault but anyway.
We have a matriarchal aunt who wanted things a certain way and got the hump when we didn’t e.g. she wanted us to get married at her church. Also as I had had a DS with someone else I shouldn’t wear white etc.
I won’t be specific but let’s say I went to uni in Leeds, grew up in Nottingham, dHs family lives in Birmingham and we now lived and worked in Manchester.
We decided to do the wedding in Nottingham, largely because aunt has a bad back and can’t do long car journeys. I had one of her daughters as bridesmaids. We did the wedding for 2pm to give everybody time to drive from wherever and so that young children could have lunch beforehand with their families.
My other bridesmaids were my sister, my dh’s sister, and two other cousins.
We bought their dresses and asked them to wear gold sandals with heels any size or style.
On the day of the wedding the bridesmaids who were blood relations of the aunt got ready at her house as it was less than a mile from the church.
In the morning Nottingham family has agreed to decorate the hall. We paid for chair and table covers and flowers , but other bits and bobs we would do ourselves.
At about 11 am One of my mum’s friends said she had been by the venue and there was no one there, she swung by aunt’s house and said everyone was still in pyjamas. My mum and dad had to go and put out the electric candles and favours etc we had stored there overnight.
On the day I got to the church about 2.05. Only my sister and dh’s sister were there. The cousins and aunt’s family were not there. I did not want to make a spectacle by having the bridesmaids troop in ten minutes later. The day before they did not get to the rehearsal at church in time so the priest had to leave.
They arrived at about ten past 2. I was outside the church standing there like an idiot with my dad phoning his sister saying ‘where are you’ and getting voicemail.
So I went down the aisle. They were all bunched up behind me because they had not been to rehearsal. The videographer could not get a decent shot because they were not where they were meant to be. I was seething. The worst bit was that the aunt got her granddaughter who was 2 years old. Plonked her in front of me as I was going down the aisle. She had put her in a white flower girl dress which clashed with my ivory dress and did not match.
They had agreed to help tidy up afterwards so we get our deposit back and mum and dad and my sister were out with binbags after.
Aunt has 2 children and they are a bit wet and her husband is under the thumb. Other people are scared of upsetting her so she usually gets her way. I’m certain she told them not to be on time and not to help. Her teenage ds said he couldn’t come as he had work. That’s a place a friend could have taken and they got a save the date at least 3 months beforehand. From the whole family including the dd who was a bridesmaid I got a £50 note as a gift. It felt like a slap in the face as she usually gives generous gifts to other family and I am her only brother’s only daughter.
The cherry on the top was this. We said the honeymoon would just be at home. Dh wanted to have a surprise trip to another country. I am a different nationality and need a visa to get there. We tried to get an emergency one but appointments were only available after we were due back. Insurance didn’t cover it.
No one did a hen party for me. I’m quite mousy and stay at home, but I’m hurt that no one even asked and I felt it would be pushy to ask. Even a night out in the town, not this spa weekend abroad business.
Aibu to be furious, hurt and upset?