Children at weddings

[Orla0502]

Does anyone work in hospitality in the UK?
Was at a wedding yesterday. When we arrived at reception all of the kids were put in another room with the parent not directly connected to bride and groom.
I was with my brother but my husband and sister-in-law were with kids. In there with them amongst others were the sisters and brothers in law of bride and groom.
No alcohol was served. Two women bought wine from public bar and were refused entry back into room.
When I went to relieve my husband (I didn’t know about that room being ‘dry’ at this point) I was told by a waiter who looked about 10 that I couldn’t stay in this room as I had been drinking. I had had wine with my meal.
This was said to another woman as well when she came to see if her kids were ok.
Nobody could say anything as it was s wedding BUT the kids were all allowed in in the evening with a FREE bar. WTF?
I don’t know why husband is still talking to me?
Is this normal over here?

No that's just weird!!

Wow, that's horrendous and definitely not normal. Particularly the bit about no one who has been drinking going in the room with the kids, that is very strange indeed. I mean, the rest of it is weird, but that part is off the scale.

That is very very odd, and rude. Banished to a room like lepers!

Completely potty, seems to be a new thing. Children should be either invited, and part of the same function, or not invited if you want a child free wedding. This separate room thing is stupid, but then weddings have gone completely crazy recently

Very odd

At least with childfree weddings, you know where you stand. I'm reading more and more about these odd kids rooms.

Either invite them and treat them like actual guests or don't. Not this bollocks

I got married 7 years ago and children were put in a seperate room. We hired childminders who looked after the children, they had a magician and an entertainer and parents could go and see them or bring them out to the main party whenever they liked. Most parents loved having the freedom! No way would I expect the parents to look after them if I preferred them to be in a different room. I just thought the children would be bored amongst the normal wedding party to be honest. They all went home with balloon animals and party bags! I think it can be done but ridiculous how they did it!

If I had been the bride or groom, I would've been horrified at this. But I presume they must have authorised it. Sounds dreadful for the guests.

That is absolutely bonkers!

I've definitely heard of children's rooms being provided at a wedding, with maybe a hired entertainer/childminder, who obviously wouldn't be drinking. But a room for parents to take children for a bit of space and time out shouldn't need bouncers like that! They're your kids, you get to decide if you're competent to look after them or not.

Before university and during it some two decades ago I worked in a country house hotel. We definitely had a room like that and we had to police people taking alcohol in however guests who had been drinking previously in the main rooms were allowed in as long as alcohol wasn’t in the room.
Bride and groom should have been clear you would be separated if you brought kids.

I was aware of a few ‘disturbances’ shortly before the main course was served with chairs etc. being found and at one point bride scowling as her new sister-in-law and wife of best man joined her at top table.
It turned out that a few people consigned to dry kids’ room and phoned their own family to come and take their kids away so they could go to main room with their spouses. Only just found this was the reason for disturbances.

If I knew there was a separate room for children with or without a parent only one one of us would go to the wedding because it wouldn't work for us. If we turned up to that arrangement we would probably just leave straight after the ceremony.

Unlike most of mumsnet I have been to very few weddings but I remember going to colleague of partner’s which was no kids including nieces and nephews.
The family in spite of living in same small town booked themselves into venue.

We are sitting at a table and cousin’s wife is up and down and really spoiling the vibe and then she comes back with admittedly very well behaved toddler who wouldn’t settle upstairs. Now I was annoyed not because my one child at time hadn’t been invited but if I had a free day I didn’t want to have to deal with somebody else’s child. Well no sooner had she’s plonked herself down she was descended on by a waitress asking her to leave. The woman started to cry and her husband and she left. Now I would happily have single handed have looked after a hundred kids rather than have that embarrassment.
And then on finding out the kids were actually on the premises Great aunt Gladys et al wanted to see them so the wedding focus completely disintegrated with the families in the grounds with the kids and in the public areas of the hotel. Now the point of my story is while the families were bang out of order the ‘policing’ by very young staff and finally the manager of trying to get what were paying guests back into the wedding was awful and I actually was so uncomfortable I wanted to go home. When groom’s sister stood at side of room with a baby and was pounced on by three members of staff it was awful. All the guests were upset. Invite or don’t invite but have some decorum with your guests.

Gosh what it is about weddings and children? Of all the tens of weddings I’ve been to, I can’t remember a time where the wedding was ruined by children! Whether that be a crying baby or toddler or a sulky teenager! Most people are normal and if the baby cries in the ceremony, they take it out, or the toddler plays up at the dinner table, they leave etc. I just don’t get why it’s always a massive deal “no children please” “close family children only” “babes in arms only” really gets in my wick. I want to say “so you think I can’t control my child or they won’t behave?” (Ps I’d rather leave them at home as it’s easier and more enjoyable for me but I resent the attitude that children are not welcome as they will be a problem).

I was told by a waiter who looked about 10

Did you speak to him in an arsy, dismissive, patronising way ?

What a ridiculous situation. I'd love to know at whose instigation the no alcohol "rules" were put in place. If it was the hotel's, it was both outrageous to treat paying customers this way and horribly unfair to staff to expect them to enforce them.

Sil (sister of the groom) tried to organise this at bil's wedding with a childminder looking after the kids.

My response was that if they didn't want kids at the wedding, that was fine, I wouldn't bring mine but no way was I paying a fortune for my kids not to be at the wedding. The idea was scrapped.

In fairness to the bride and groom, it wasn't their idea. They didn't care but would have gone along with it if we wanted it. Same sil organised a bouncy castle and a babysitter at that same wedding and billed us for our "share" despite the fact my kids had no interest in a bouncy castle or need of a babysitter as they were older. She just wanted someone else to take responsibility for her badly behaved children.

I wasn’t arsy or patronising. I can’t remember saying anything as I was so shocked at being removed for my first drink related incident at the age of 42 at a family wedding. I actually felt really sorry for the very young staff having to enforce this.

@Orla0502 if a very young looking waiter had basically told me I was too drunk to look after my own child... I'd have been livid, and arsy and patronising

It beats what one of my siblings is doing. Inviting my older children but not my younger one! All will be under 18 at the time of the wedding, I've declined the invite.