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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be hurt

24 replies

Mammyloveswine · 05/08/2018 00:13

Background: I have 2 small children, one a young baby and the other toddler. Due back to work soon. Husband works away a lot so not always around for childcare. It's hard but i manage as best i can thanks to lovely friends.

Anyway there was a family do in which various family members travelled, most stayed over and spoke of a trip to the coast to properly catch up. I live RIGHT NEXT to the coast so asked if myself and my babies would be able to see them, especially as hubby is at work. My mum and dad both said "yes great" then another relative told me they'd decided on an area that couldn't be reached by public transport. I said "that's a shame as my boys love the coast but hubby is at work" and suggested meeting further along the coast even for an hour. But no, no one wants to do that.. .. So now everyone has a nice day planned apart from me and my babies..

OP posts:

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 05/08/2018 00:15

Yanbu. My family do similar things and it hurts a lot. for you

Original poster

Mammyloveswine · 05/08/2018 00:23

Thank you newt... Just seems really harsh to not want to see me and my children.

OP posts:

DoJo · 05/08/2018 00:24

Was there really no way of you getting there? Perhaps they didn't realise that your travel options are quite so limited.

ManginoBambino · 05/08/2018 00:27

Have you asked your parents if they can pick you up?

Original poster

Mammyloveswine · 05/08/2018 09:03

There is no way for me to get to.where they are going on public transport, my relative said "oh no were going (remote beach 20 miles away), you'll not be able to get there".

Never mind, toddler asking to go to the park so we're going to take a picnic and have a day out just the 3 of us (again!).

OP posts:

Angrybird345 · 05/08/2018 09:10

Hurtful, I agree. Why don’t you learn to drive?

LotsToThinkOf · 05/08/2018 09:18

YANBU your family have been hurtful. Have you told them how they've made you feel? Maybe they're assuming it's fine because you can't get there - they probably aren't thinking about the consequences. Do you think it'd be different if your husband was around to take you? It could do be as simple as they don't want to be driving backwards and forwards giving lifts when they want a relaxing day out. I frequently ended up doing this for relatives who didn't drive and it used to ruin my day out, so maybe they don't want to make a fuss. Hurtful, but sort of understandable. Is there a back story to this?

Witchend · 05/08/2018 09:31

They're meeting up for a family occasion and arranged a place they wanted to go to before OP had said they wanted to meet up. They were happy for her to join them if she could get there it's not their fault if she can't.
Suggesting they come 20 miles down the coast for an hour would take a good 2hour chunk out of the day, possibly cost more in parking etc

And if they like a remote beach (my parents do. I don't) then going all day to what presumable is a touristy beach (if there's public transport) is very different. It's not like saying let's meet in a different McDonalds.

TragicBoozyFlaccidClown · 05/08/2018 09:43

Taxi?

NerrSnerr · 05/08/2018 09:48

How close could public transport get you? Could you get a taxi from there?

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 05/08/2018 09:49

So they arranged a meet up with family, you then asked if you could join but wanted a change in destination as you don't drive or didn't want to take a taxi? I don't think they should have had to change their plans because you wanted to join in.

Mmer · 05/08/2018 09:50

They do sound rude. Why did you have to ask if you could join them? They should have invited you in the first place. Why did they pick a spot you couldn't get to?

SpecialBond · 05/08/2018 09:51

YABU

Clairetree1 · 05/08/2018 09:53

maybe they want a baby free day?

HonkyWonkWoman · 05/08/2018 10:00

I live RIGHT NEXT to the coast
You might live right next to the coast but you are still 20miles away from the remote beach your family want to visit.
As you have no transport and can't get there by public transport, it's hard luck really.

expatinspain · 05/08/2018 10:02

Can your parents not pick you up?

Original poster

Mammyloveswine · 05/08/2018 10:16

There was no pre-arranged day out, it was a casual "ooh shall we go to the coast tomorrow? Be nice to do something in the day" which is when I said "Oooh yes what about coastal town near me, we could join you". This isn't far from where they are staying. I assumed as I was there when this was suggested that i was included in the invitation. I wasn't planning on gatecrashing pre-arranged plans.

I then spoke to my relative who said about going elsewhere. So I don't know if they had decided to push for this. When I spoke to my mum she had no idea that my relative had said about going to the remote beach. It just feels like I've been excluded.

I can't drive for medical reasons, I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to drive me around. I think if the discussion was more "we have arranged to go here tomorrow" rather than "Oooh shall we go to the coast?" I'd be a bit less bothered.

I know why they want to go to the remote beach, it's beautiful! I'm sure they'll have a lovely day.

Ah well, thanks everyone! I'm probably just being a bit oversensitive. I can appreciate that the plan probably just evolved over the course of the night.

OP posts:

TacoLover · 05/08/2018 10:28

Tbh if the other family members wanted to go to the other place I don't understand why they should have to pander to what you want, the world doesn't revolve around you and your children's needs. If you can't drive then that's your problem not theirs, sorry.

Jackfruitburger · 05/08/2018 10:31

I think they're out of order. I can't drive (I've got my test booked though) and my family are very good at thinking of me. I would be hurt if they chose somewhere I couldn't get to and didn't offer a lift.

expatinspain · 05/08/2018 10:49

TacoLover You really decided to post that ten minutes after the OPs last update. Do you just feel like being a wanker today or is that just your natural charming personality?

Original poster

Mammyloveswine · 05/08/2018 10:53

Wow taco lover... you sound like a delight!

Thanks expatinspain.

OP posts:

IceCreamFace · 05/08/2018 10:54

YANBU, since it was a spontaneous plan and you were there while they were making it it seems unkind to choose somewhere that would exclude you when they could just have easily chosen a nice place near you. Could your parents not pick you up and take you?

IceCreamFace · 05/08/2018 10:55

wow Tacolover got out the wrong side of the bed today? Surely sometimes you go slightly out of your way to accommodate your family? Or do you just doe exactly what you want all the time regardless of anyone else's feelings?

TacoLover · 05/08/2018 13:29

I didn't see the update, although it wouldn't have changed my post. I'm also a mother of two and my husband works away a lot; due to a temporary injury I also can't drive. I don't see how it makes me a wanker to point out that changing the location of an outing that other family members want to go on to suit one person(or also the children if they care) doesn't make sense. It isn't a slight adjustment is it? It's changing the location of where you're going. You can't blame them for wanting to go to the nicer area, OP said herself that the location is beautiful. I'm in the same situation and I recognise that me not being able to drive isn't their problem and I'm not going to make them feel like they have to change what they want to do for me. To solve this i invite them to a place near me myself instead of waiting for others to come up with their own plans, this way you can avoid being left out.

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