To be lying awake worrying about possible unplanned third pregnancy

[Phuquocdreams]

I’m so fucking stupid. Had unprotected sex around the time an online calculator says I probably ovulated and think I saw an implantation bleed on Friday. SO DUMB. Hadn’t sorted contraception because we hardly have sex, and didn’t conceive my first two particularly easily. Also possibly subconsciously wanted to chance it for a girl (stupid stupid). But I really don’t want a third child. I’m almost 40, an introvert with a demanding job whose not particularly maternal and who struggles already to give the two enough attention and not get any headspace myself... apart from the worry of there may be an increased risk of disabilities because of my age. I was enjoying staying to get my sleep back, social life a bit... I can’t deal with the unbelievable sleep deprivation, impact on my body, and worried about PND, struggled a little last time though not full-blown - and I would feel guilty making that little boy a middle child.
This happened to anyone else? How did you cope?

This hasn’t happened to me but I snuck in my second and final child just before I was 40.

He’s 5 months and it’s really hard. I don’t want any more. If I got accidentally pregnant now I would have a termination. It would be a really hard thing to do but it would really put too much stress on every aspect of my life.

I’m very careful with contraception on the rare occasions we have sex as I’m very fertile.

Yes. I had the baby. He's asleep in my arms and wonderful and we are fine, but I'm totally pro-choice and you do have options if you are pregnant. Also, please forgive yourself this. You (and I) are only human. Best of luck, OP

Do you think it’s harder because of your age? God, I feel so stupid. I don’t think I could have a termination, I don’t know what that would do to my relationship with dh. He more I think about it the more I realise I don’t want a third child, I can’t believe I took such chances.

(I say we are fine...it is hard going with 3 to be perfectly honest. But he is still a baby and we will be ok. And of course that doesn't take away from the fact that he himself is wonderful. But it is not easy.)

There’s 5 years between mine and I feel every one of those five years every day, every middle of the night wake up.

BUT, he’s a wonderful beautiful happy baby who I adore. But I planned him in the knowledge that I was older, more tired and less fit that before.

I honestly know another would finish me off.

You need to do what’s best for you.

If you really don’t want another baby but don’t want a termination that’s a tricky decision.

How sure are you you’re pregnant though? When are you due on? Why not wait to find out for sure before panicking? I’ve had times where I’ve seemed pregnant and haven’t been.

I’m not sure I’m pregnant. Couldn’t find a first response test today so got a clear blue - Monday morning is the earliest I can test. I do have a history of noticing pregnancies early, one where I went for a dating scan (hadn’t had a period for 6 months so couldn’t date that way) and was barely implanted (miscarried eventually), two others around the 3.5 week mark (both also miscarried by 5 weeks - early pregnancy testing can be a curse). Of course now I’m convinced I’m bloating and feeling twinges - and that small bit of pink on Friday....

I am currently pregnant with my unplanned third child, due in a few weeks. I’m 38. When I first found out, I was miserable. I decided pretty quickly that I couldn’t face a termination, but it still took until about week 16 for me to start to feel truly excited about this baby. If you are pregnant and decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, you will need time to process it emotionally - don’t feel bad about that! You are human. Speak to your doctor straight away about NIPT testing - this is important for older mothers who have a higher risk of having a child with a chromosomal disorder. Even if you would choose not to terminate in that situation, you would at least be informed and somewhat prepared for your child’s extra needs.
I was initially very worried about what a third child would mean for the 2 I already have. Right now, they’re excited about their sibling and both hubby and I are giving them as much love and attention as we can. Also, I just want to throw it out there that I am a middle child, and despite all the negative press middle children get, I can tell you that my birth order had no negative impact whatsoever on my childhood or my relationships with my parents and siblings.
With all that said, if termination is an option for you, your GP should be able to refer you a women’s health clinic where you can get the advice and support you need. At least, that’s how it works where I am (AUS), I’m just assuming the UK is similar? I’m sure someone will correct me if i’m wrong.
Good luck OP.

Hiya, thanks all. I had a termination many years ago and found it v traumatic. Now it’s many years later and my views on abortion have changed, but I still don’t think I could do it in a stable relationship where we could financially support the child. It’s time, energy and happiness. Also it’s still not quite legal here so I think would involve travel. Neither of my boys would welcome a baby, the eldest has said so expressly, the youngest is the most jealous in the world. Their current dynamic is sweet (with some fighting...)

Sorry I meant to say time etc which meant I didn’t want the baby not money.