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Original poster

To feel utterly depressed that 40 is my next big birthday

61 replies

Menarefrommarsitwouldseem · 04/08/2018 23:20

I have only just turned 35 but that past few days I can't shake this feeling of being unhappy that 40 is looming.
I know it's 5 years etc but time goes by so quickly.

I just don't feel like I'm ready/old enough to be 40 if that makes sense? I seriously cannot get over the fact I'm not 25 anymore let alone 35!

It's everything that comes with it.
My eldest dc I'll be 19 when I am 40 and youngest 15 and that stresses me out.
My parents will be elderly and that worries me.

I've just come out of a shitty relationship with my exh and feel like I'll be passed it in terms of meeting people

I feel like I look old.

I feel achey already

I feel like my childbearing days are over.

Eurgh I could carry on!

Please tell me it's not so bad!

OP posts:
recklessruby · 05/08/2018 02:50

Turned 50 this year and still can't believe it but it's a lot easier than 40. I m ashamed to say I cried that day. 50 was totally different. Out partying with friends and ds 30 and dd 24. Loved it. And nobody ever believes I m 50 lol I guess not getting served in pubs without Id until I was 28 has it's advan
An

Stages decades later. Enjoy your birthday

Sharkwithknees · 05/08/2018 07:53

"Never regret growing old - it's a privilege denied to many".

Though 35 is hardly old!

Anniegetyourgun · 05/08/2018 07:58

40 isn't even nearly looming for you. Five years is a long time. It's the difference between a tiny newborn and a schoolchild. Also, 50 is even better than 40. I found when I hit 40 I stopped giving a fuck about a lot of things that used to bother me (mainly, other people's opinions). And then I hit 50 and gave even less of a fuck. Roll on 60! (As long as my bits are still attached.)

Syfychannel · 05/08/2018 08:02

You are sort of thinking your life away here. 5 years is a long time in reality. I know the years fly past but there's a lot you can do in 5 years too. Maybe this is a reminder not to waste those precious years and do all you can to enjoy them and make them count. In 5 years when you actually turn 40 you could have totally changed your life.

SugarIsAmazing · 05/08/2018 08:06

I've been feeling weird about turning forty in two years time. My eldest will be 24 and my youngest 12 (with five others in between).
Guess I'm going to be doing lots of travelling in my forties Smile

TheCatFromOuterSpace · 05/08/2018 08:11

I'm 40 and it's fine. My dc are much younger than yours, but for me my 30s were filled with quite boring stuff - saving, buying a house, having babies - my plan is that my 40s will be more fun again. If your dc are practically grown up then you will soon have much more freedom again, at a relatively young age.

YaLoVeras · 05/08/2018 08:12

.

Branleuse · 05/08/2018 08:12

I think its ridiculous the preoccupation so many women have with their age.
Give a big fuck you to the idea that only young girls have value. I love the three stages of womanhood, maiden mother and crone. ALL are valuable. Not just the maiden. Embrace your life stages and the wisdom and maturity, understanding and deeper friendships that come out of it. You are doing yourself a massive disservice

MaryShelley1818 · 05/08/2018 08:15

I turned 40 earlier this year - and I have an 8mth old baby DS so your child rearing days are definitely not automatically over. I was 38 when me and DP got together and we’re getting married in a few months.
I had the most amazing time celebrating and my life has changed immeasurably in the last couple of years.
40 has been awesome :)

Fatted · 05/08/2018 08:17

I'm 38. I kind of know how you feel. But if it makes you feel any better, I had my youngest at 35 and SIL had hers at 38 so your childbearing years aren't behind you just yet!

bridgetreilly · 05/08/2018 08:18

Make a list of things to do before you're 40. They don't all have to be big and scary things. Little things you've always meant to do but never got round to. Whatever. And then you've suddenly got a plan and a purpose and something to look forward to.

zzzzz · 05/08/2018 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 05/08/2018 08:22

40 is fine! I'm 48 and am fitter than I was in my 30s.

I took up running just before my 40th birthday and have kept it up ever since. I've done loads of 5k races and an overnight marathon walk.

I have friends in their 50's who are running marathons and who do regular 10k runs at the weekends.

At 40 I had a 2 year old and a 5 year old and had plenty of energy to spare.

Don't waste your 30's worrying about getting old!

Groovee · 05/08/2018 08:22

I turned 40 last year and loved it. I was the same at 30!

YaLoVeras · 05/08/2018 08:36

I found the run up to 40 very hard. 37 - boom, lightbulb i'm in my LATE 30s
38 - argh the fear
39 - argh sounds like a lie, and the next one is forty. Actually between 38 and my fortieth birthday I did so much thinking that by the time forty finally arrived I thought, was I not forty already! so when it arrived, I could enjoy it and it felt like a clean slate.

Obviously forty is going to be easier if you've everything you feel you ought to have off the list but I felt like I was stagnating a bit.

Now 50 is looming (not the next one, but definitely the mental preparation has commenced) Lot of thinking and learning going on. I think it will be like last time, I'll have done so much thinking, bolstering, growing, preparing etc... that by the time it arrives Ill be ok.

I will have a job and a house and good self-esteem and optimism and confidence at 50 which is more than I had at 40.

EveningShadows · 05/08/2018 08:36

Echoing those who say be grateful for your continued health OP - I’ve been to the funerals of 3 friends who died at 39. It’s sobering. My next big birthday is 50 but I celebrate every birthday as if it’s my last, with plenty of fun and friends, it’s so much better than the alternative Smile.

YaLoVeras · 05/08/2018 08:42

@angelswithsilverwings, it's so true, being energetic makes you energetic I think. I'm 48 too. At work, I'm the one walking up and down 3 flights of stairs several times a day to buy a sandwich or whatever, while colleagues half my age lumber slowly towards the lift. Luckily I'm too inpatient to be lazy. I would also rather walk to the next bus stop than stand there for 12 minutes. I think it does keep me young deluded? maybe?

DollyDayScream · 05/08/2018 08:43

Look at it like this...

Getting older is better than the alternative.

YaLoVeras · 05/08/2018 08:45

@eveningshadows, yes, a friend of mine died at 42. We met at 20. She had two v young kids. When I go to funerals of old people I cry for her, how UNFAIR it was that she was ROBBED of her forties, fifties, sixties, seventies! I need to focus on the person whose funeral it is. So hard.

doodlemum · 05/08/2018 08:47

Don’t be despondent about growing older
It’s a privilege not given to all

Sorry OP but this is what you need to be thinking.

Brown76 · 05/08/2018 08:50

40 is ace so far!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 08:51

I've never understood this. I remember when I was 18 working with a woman who had her 30th birthday.. she made such a song and dance about how awful it was and actually came into work and cried. I thought she was ridiculous.

The alternative to not reaching 40 is a hell of a lot worse.

epicclusterfuck · 05/08/2018 08:58

Surely how you are feeling is nothing to do with age but more life stage? Start thinking about what you want to do next for you? Retrain, new job, travel whatever it might be, you have plenty of time to do something else and it needn't be about the next relationship/having another child.

Original poster
Menarefrommarsitwouldseem · 05/08/2018 10:33

I agree with everyone who have said it's better than the alternative.

I work in healthcare and see people who have been robbed of their lives at an early age and it's heartbreaking and sobering.

I've just done my post grad for my job so have retrained in a sense and therefore my job can only get better from this point onwards. I can't quite verbalise how I feel. It's just unsettling for me and I feel like I am concentrating on the negatives of being older. Completely ignoring the positives.

I need to give my head a wobble.

OP posts:
Original poster
Menarefrommarsitwouldseem · 05/08/2018 10:41

I have friends who are my age that havens t settled down and are desperate to do so. They want babies and marriages.

I have done all that and I am glad in one sense that there's no sense of urgency.
I had my first just as I was graduating. I sat my last exam heavily pregnant. Not how I originally planned it all out but wouldn't change it now. Second came along at 25.

And to the poster who said I could be a grandmother at 40... you're right but goodness me ShockConfused I'm off to get a blue rinse and sensible shoes hahaha.

OP posts: