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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want someone to wave a magic wand & fix my life

25 replies

Hueandcry · 04/08/2018 22:58

There are so many things wrong I really don't know where to begin & as soon as I sort one thing out something else goes pear shaped. Single Mum, 2 dcs, no money even though I work, debt, elderly parents needing support. If you have a magic wand please help....

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 04/08/2018 23:01

No wand, but if talking helps I'll read!

Godotsarrived · 04/08/2018 23:02

No magic wand unfortunately but I found tackling one thing at a time helped. What is bothering you the most?

Whistle73 · 04/08/2018 23:03

Happy to try!

Original poster
Hueandcry · 04/08/2018 23:05

Being in debt keeps me awake at night. I was getting council tax benefit but because 1dc left school that ended as I no longer get child benefit. Dc2 has now left too so I'm worse off but entitled to less help. It's so frustrating.

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 04/08/2018 23:07

That's awful. Do your DC still live with you?

RainySeptember · 04/08/2018 23:07

Any siblings who can pick up the slack with your parents?

If not, I found it helped to decide how much time per week I could fairly allocate to them, then set it aside and attempted to be much more hands off outside those hours. I felt a bit selfish at first but found that I was much happier and more proactive when I did see them.

RainySeptember · 04/08/2018 23:09

Are dc working now? Could they contribute to household finances?

Original poster
Hueandcry · 04/08/2018 23:13

Dc1 has moved out to go to Uni so maintenance has been reduced by half. Dc2 still at home for now. My costs apart from food are pretty much the same though & tax credits have gone down. I don't want to rely on benefits but I can't seem to make ends meet no matter what I do.Siblings too far away or too busy to help with parents & I feel so guilty if i try to cut back on time with them

OP posts:
bionicnemonic · 04/08/2018 23:21

You won’t be much good to your parents if you’re stressed and burnt out! You’re the foundation of your family. You need to put you first. It’s not selfish to limit the time doing things for your parents as long as they are okay. Maybe allocate a set hour every few days to do things for them but you need to focus on keeping yourself buoyant.
Could you let out a room?

Original poster
Hueandcry · 04/08/2018 23:26

That's something I hadn't thought of. Thank you for that suggestion, I'll look into it

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 05/08/2018 09:46

Could you post your rough budget? People might have some ideas where you could save money. My DB does AirBNB which might be less intrusive than a lodger. As long as the room is clean it doesn't have to be fancy, as prices range from budget to luxurious.

If caring for your parents is costing you, could the family that don't live near enough to help support you financially a bit? Even petrol costs?

NotSoThinLizzy · 05/08/2018 09:51

If your caring for elderly parents you may be entitled to carers allowance. You can work so many hours while on it too xx

catlovingdoctor · 05/08/2018 09:52

I know the feeling. I wish for the same thing. Be strong X

Mustd0somethings00n · 05/08/2018 13:24

Are there things that you can out source for your parents, what would they do if you didn't live close ? Do they need a cleaner, gardener, online shopping, medicine delivered free from pharmacy, carers, fall alarm ? What are your plans when second child leaves home ref your finances ?

Original poster
Hueandcry · 05/08/2018 17:35

I bought my house 3 years ago when prices were high. Since then I have been made redundant & now have a much lower paid job. My £1k a month budget just about covers mortgage, council tax, gas & electric, fuel for my car & food. No room for extras, emergencies, holidays etc. I think my only option will be to sell up & downsize but even so with the reduction in house prices I could lose money

OP posts:
Hellbentwellwent · 05/08/2018 17:37

Is the dc who’s still at home working? Could they contribute to the household budget even if just a small amount?

Hellbentwellwent · 05/08/2018 17:38

Are your parents living at their home? Have you spoken to them? Could they release some of the equity in their house to pay for additional support to take the time pressure off you a bit?

Original poster
Hueandcry · 05/08/2018 18:14

My parents are living at home. One has dementia so the other is the carer. They are both in their 80s. They are very private people & their attitude seems to be why would they get someone in when Hue can do it?? I've told them im struggling & they do see it but still expect more & more help

OP posts:
Original poster
Hueandcry · 05/08/2018 18:16

Dc2 is not working. Going to college next month but hasnt been able to find a summer job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hueandcry · 05/08/2018 18:17

Going to sit down tonight & work out whether i can afford to stay here or not...

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 05/08/2018 18:19

I think that's got to be part of the answer. Hue can't give so much help as she's too busy trying to earn a living.

Singlenotsingle · 05/08/2018 20:02

In my book the old people are here to support the young. I'm here to support my dc, and they are here to support theirs. The young take priority over the old because they've got their whole lives ahead of them.

speakout · 05/08/2018 20:09

Do look into carers allowance and attendance allowance,

Potentially for two elderly people you could be looking at close to an extra £1K a month.

Phone age concern- they are brilliant.

Original poster
Hueandcry · 05/08/2018 20:51

I will do that tomorrow. Thank you

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 07/08/2018 16:24

Any luck, Hue?

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