To think how unfair it is (dementia)

[cadburyegg]

My dad was diagnosed with dementia early this year. He is still in the early stages so physically he is ok , can look after himself but he has a bad memory.

It is just my mum and I really. I have a baby and 3 yo so my time is stretched. My dad would never have won dad of the year but it’s still my responsibility to look out for him. He has other family members that are in the area often but they don’t visit him and are in denial about it. Convenient for them as it absolves them from doing anything.

It’s very isolating. We haven’t experienced much help from expected sources.

Most of my friends’ parents are newly retired and enjoying the benefits that that has to offer. I feel sad my dad won’t ever get that. I also feel a bit envious.

AIBU or am I selfish.

Its ok to feel hard done by when you are hard done by, its ok to need to vent, and its not being selfish

My widowed mum has dementia. It is so hard know how best to support her. I do sympathise.

Dementia is the shittiest disease and totally unfair. . It is perfectly understandable to feel the way you do. DMIL is now in advanced stages and watching her deteriorate over the years past few years to the sad stare she's in now has been really hard. You're right about isolation - people just don't know what to say. And as for help - we got plenty but only when crisis struck unfortunately. I'm afraid I can't offer any great comfort but I do know how you feel and here if you what to vent. My main advice would be to enjoy the time you have now while your Dad is still fairly healthy. In my experience this phase can last years so try not to wish it away worrying about what is to come.

I'm very sorry for you, and your mum and dad. My mum had dementia and my dad felt there was very little support for her or him. She had hospital appointments where they would do the same test each time and then tell her she was a bit worse than last time. She knew that already. Then they just sent them away.

She did have patches (like hrt or nicotine patches) that my dad reckoned were effective in keeping her calmer. They were supposed to slow the progression of dementia.

It's really tough on you and your mum, and it's ok to feel sad and angry about it.

It's hard cadbury.. how old is your dad? Mine would have won father of the year and still it's hard at times as really, I could give most of my day if I wanted to help as much as possible, my mum is also declining, but I can't but he is so grateful for what I can do. Hopefully it will be a slow and gentle decline. I find taking the meds regularly has slowed the progress and the main thing is he's happy and comfortable. There are probably some difficult conversations and plans to make now while he's fairly ok. Diet, exercise and relaxation are all beneficial.

You can only do so much, it will all be appreciated and it won't be forever. It is hard and not everyone understands. You're not selfish, just human.

A really good source of support for you is the altzheimers society 'talking point' talk boards. They are manned by lovely people with lots of experience and you can ask them anything at any time of day or night - practical questions as well as just venting frustration. I found them really helpful when coping with my mum's dementia.

Completely understand op. My dad has early onset dementia and mum finds it really hard when her friends are planning retirement/ activities with their partners and mum and dad won't get to do any of that.
Have you found unforgettable.org yet? A great website with loads of practical information for the different stages of dementia and even a support group on Facebook.