Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Emotional Abuse in the Early Pregnancy Unit

38 replies

Hawkie · 04/08/2018 19:29

I overheard some pretty awful emotional abuse in the Early Pregnancy Unit today and it made me feel really uncomfortable. I was quite jittery and ended up saying something to one of the A and E doctors when I went back through to them.

I'm now doubting I've done the right thing, even though the doctor was grateful. At the time I was off my face on medication and I am really only starting to think about it now the meds are wearing off.

I guess I am wondering if other people would have said something or would have ignored it?

OP posts:
MissusGeneHunt · 04/08/2018 19:32

I guess it depends on what you heard? Difficult to gauge otherwise. Bear in mind the guidelines though, obviously....

thethoughtfox · 04/08/2018 19:32

You could have saved a woman's life and a child from a life of horror. You are awesome.

cadburyegg · 04/08/2018 19:33

More info required

BlueBug45 · 04/08/2018 19:35

It is always right to report suspected abusive behaviour. You may have been wrong but if you are right them safe guarding measures would be put in place to protect someone who is vunerable.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 04/08/2018 19:35

Well done for speaking up! Sadly many people would have turned a blind eye.

ChipsAndMoreChips · 04/08/2018 19:35

Without knowing what you heard, it's difficult to say whether your reaction was warranted or not. But, if it's nasty enough to make you feel very uncomfortable, then you've done the right thing and could potentially have taken the first step to helping that woman get out of a difficult situation.

Hope all is well with your pregnancy (which I assume is why you were there, forgive me if I'm off the mark)

NynaeveSedai · 04/08/2018 19:37

Of course you did the right thing. To be honest even if the doctor reports it it probably won't go anywhere- it's 4th hand info but at least they will keep it on file, hopefully keep a keener eye on her, create a situation where she can talk without him present if she wishes to.

Original poster
Hawkie · 04/08/2018 19:39

So, it was threats, gaslighting and him being very controlling and trying to force her to make a decision. All with very sweary / ranty language but when the staff were around he was like a different man.

@ChipsAndMoreChips I am sadly not pregnant, they just needed to scan me quickly and there was no other ultrasound they could use :-)

OP posts:
53rdWay · 04/08/2018 19:40

You definitely did the right thing.

Bambamber · 04/08/2018 19:41

You did the right thing, staff can only offer help those in abusive situactions if they're aware there is an abusive situation

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/08/2018 19:57

Unfortunately pg is a really risky time for dv and emotional abuse
You did right thing
When I was in an antenatal ward a man was haranguing his partner,I told staff

IceCreamFace · 04/08/2018 19:58

I think it's always right to report if you suspect abuse. It's not your job to conduct a full investigation - you don't have the resources to do so. It may be nothing in which case no harm has been done or it may be that a vulnerable woman and child are now on the radar.

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 04/08/2018 19:59

You did the right thing. There are signs up all over those places to help women report dv and abuse. Now the medical staff will know to keep an eye out for her.

Notevilstepmother · 04/08/2018 20:03

Well done for speaking out. You might have helped save her life.

Bluetrews25 · 04/08/2018 20:06

You did the right thing, OP, better than ignoring. That was a brave thing to do. It's not always easy to stand up and be counted.
As you are 'sadly' not pregnant, I hope the fertility fairy calls when you are ready for her.

Weedinosaurus · 04/08/2018 20:09

Definitely did the right thing. More people should be like you and not turn a blind eye. You may now have given this lady a way out. Focus on the positives that could come from this - there are many.

placemats · 04/08/2018 20:19

You did the right thing. Always a red flag if in private the man is a shit and then switches to being nice in front of the professionals.

Hope you are feeling better now Flowers

Starlighter · 04/08/2018 20:26

You did the right thing.

If it’s nothing, the woman will vouch for him and no harm done.

If it’s something, you may have really helped someone vulnerable find a way out.

brizzledrizzle · 04/08/2018 20:28

Well done OP, you did the right thing.

emma2939 · 04/08/2018 20:31

You did the right thing.....Flowers

Original poster
Hawkie · 04/08/2018 20:32

Thank you for the reassurance, glad it seems to be thought it was the right thing.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 04/08/2018 20:35

When I was pregnant the scan unit hospital toilets had notices on the door with little stickers for you to put on your records to alert the midwives.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/08/2018 20:38

Stickers That’s a good idea,often the dv perpetrator attends appts so woman can’t disclose.
What was the sticker like?prexumably discreet as don’t want the perp to see it

UpstartCrow · 04/08/2018 20:39

You definitely did the right thing. Not only is pregnancy a high risk for DV, but its a high risk for a serious escalation.

FinallyHere · 04/08/2018 20:47

I think you have done a brave thing today, well done.