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AIBU?

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Original poster

Pressure to drink

25 replies

londongirl12 · 04/08/2018 18:58

I'm not a big drinker. Haven't ever been as even after 2 drinks I get severe stomach cramps, upset stomach etc (without going into too much detail!! Confused). As this is pretty much as soon as I've drunk it, it's not even the day after. So I tend to drive on social occasions. I don't mind, I still have fun as don't have the worry about feeling unwell. So it's not like I'm the boring non drinker just sat in the corner.
My problem is me and dp are going on holiday with 5 other couples for a few days in September. They're all huge drinker (in their 30's and 40's) and always boast about being so drunk they're sick etc. I don't mind what they do, it's their choice and I just let them get on with it. But they're will consistently go on about me having a drink. And when I say I'll only have 1, they go on and on about it, let my hair down they say. And in the end I get annoyed. Why is what I'm doing got anything to do with them? As I said, I still have fun when we're out, I'm up dancing, making jokes having a laugh. But the constant need from them to make me drink does my head in!!! How can I manage this when I'm away??

OP posts:
CrystalMazing · 04/08/2018 19:03

It's a really tricky but common thing in my experience. I'm in my 40s and have friends who regularly get so pissed they are sick or black out. Don't get me wrong, I was a big drinker before I had kids but I can't deal with it these days and more than a few drinks just makes me feel awful.
I'd just lay it out to them before you go. You don't mind what they do but it's up to you how much you drink. What does your OH say?

jhb2013 · 04/08/2018 19:06

I feel for you as I don’t drink either and I get this a lot. Or people judge me as they feel I’m judging them, or will remember things the next day that they don’t. I’ve got a really good friend who always stands up for me when people are questioning me/trying to push me to have a drink. Can you talk to one of your friends before going away and explain your worries? You really don’t want to ruin the holiday with upset stomach, cramps etc. just to please others!

Original poster
londongirl12 · 04/08/2018 19:06

My other half does drink, but no excessively like they do, or if he does it's extremely rare. I just don't understand why what I do is such a big deal to them? I could kind of understand it if I was sitting in the corner on my own scowling or something, but I don't. I join in, but I'm just happy with my lemonade or orange juice.
When I do drink and start having the stomach cramps and upset stomach, it makes me start to panic and just feel awful. So I'm not drinking just to please them.

OP posts:
Original poster
londongirl12 · 04/08/2018 19:11

@jhb2013 yes I told one of them the other day what happens when I drink. So hopefully that'll help. It's her wedding we're going to when we go away, so she's going to have enough on her plate!
But why does it bother other people? I just don't get it

OP posts:
jhb2013 · 04/08/2018 19:17

I know! I don’t understand it at all and really make the effort to show that I’m not judging people or thinking their behaviour is embarrassing. Like you, I join in and dance, joke etc. but some people feel really weird about it. I’m lucky that my close circle of friends are absolutely fine with it and never comment but friends of friends or my DH’s uni friends (who I don’t know that well) think I’m really odd!
It’s good you’ve spoken to one friend about it, hopefully you can explain it to a couple of others before you go and then everyone will just concentrate on having a good time and not on your orange juice and lemonade!

MissMildred · 04/08/2018 19:23

I completely sympathise. I found telling those types of friends that I have developed an allergy to alcohol worked really well. I told them it gave me really bad migraines and acid reflux, then changed the subject quickly.

MotherofPearl · 04/08/2018 19:57

I hate this too OP. I do drink but not very much at all - or perhaps not as much as some of my friends. There are a few who go on at me about it, saying things like "come on, you need to stop being such a lightweight", and I really wish they wouldn't. As you say, what's it got to do with them how much you drink?

In your case OP I think you just need to say firmly that drinking leads to health complications for you, and leave it at that. They need to respect that.

Furx · 04/08/2018 19:59

Tell them it gives you the shits, and go into biological detail if they press you further

Furx · 04/08/2018 19:59
AlphaBravo · 04/08/2018 20:05

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MiddlingMum · 04/08/2018 20:17

I have never understood the need for people to drink to excess. Surely it's what you try as a teenager and then grow up. Adults in their 30s and 40s should be a long way beyond that sort of childish behaviour.

Frankly I just wouldn't go on holiday with anyone like that.

However "What part of no don't you understand?" should fit the bill.

81Byerley · 04/08/2018 20:36

Tell them you're allergic!

Original poster
londongirl12 · 04/08/2018 20:41

@81Byerley I would but they've seen me drink before. Although alcohol clearly doesn't agree with me!

OP posts:
Mari50 · 04/08/2018 20:43

Wow, I’m in my 40’s and it’s at least two decades since any of my friends boasted about passing out or being sick.
Don’t misunderstand- some of them have done both but usually they are completely mortified and it’s anvery rare event followed by a couple of months of abstinence.
Just resist any pressure, it’s usually an attempt to normalise their own bad behaviour.
I enjoy alcohol but I’d never push or pressurise anyone into it- not least because you have no idea what their reasons for abstinence or moderation are. Stick to your guns OP.
Absolute worst case scenario- buy your own ‘vodka’ and cokes or whatever.......

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/08/2018 20:43

Why on earth are you going on holiday with them?
I enjoy a few drinks but boasting about drinking so much they puke, really?

Original poster
londongirl12 · 04/08/2018 20:45

@IHaveBrilloHair I know, I really don't get it. Most of them want to be pissed by the time we get on the plane!

They're my partners work friends and wives. I'm good friends with the bride, but the others are mostly just socialising as a group friends

OP posts:
81Byerley · 04/08/2018 20:46

I don't like alcohol either. I would say ' The doctor says I'm probably allergic in view of how it affects me', Or do as I do, and just say no, I don't like it.

llangennith · 04/08/2018 20:50

I find it easier to not drink any alcohol at all with people like this rather than 'just have one or two'. Keep saying a short 'No thanks' to any pressure to drink. Don't justify, don't explain.
And go to bed before they all bore the pants off you.

Teachtolive · 04/08/2018 20:50

I'm with "81Byerley* - so what if they've seen you drink?? Lots of people find out their allergic through exposure. Tell them you've been to the doc cos of stomach issues and he's confirmed it.

Or just tell them to piss right off since you're an adult and it's none of their bloody business!

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 04/08/2018 21:02

I went on holiday with a couple of friends and our kids a few years back. I'm not a big drinker but they drank like fish every night and took the piss out of me all the time for being "boring" because I didn't want to get drunk. One night I did have a couple of drinks and was a bit tipsy (but not drunk) and then they took the piss out of me about that too. Their behaviour put me off so much that now I prefer not to drink at all. I can't remember the last time I had any alcohol at all.

Racecardriver · 04/08/2018 21:06

Just say you can't drink for medical reasons.

BarbraDear · 04/08/2018 21:06

I'd just say no, alcohol triggers my IBS so it's really not worth it for me. Which is essentially the truth as it obviously triggers something!

TheOrigFV45 · 04/08/2018 21:07

Bloody hell, I would not be spending my hard earned money and annual leave with such people. It sounds like a dreadful weekend away.

Original poster
londongirl12 · 05/08/2018 20:55

@TheOrigFV45 yes can't say I'm looking forward to it!

OP posts:
notsohippychick · 05/08/2018 21:12

It makes them feel better about them drinking!! If they drink to excess then facing their own defining names them feel uncomfortable. As a non drinker myself I get this a lot. Non drinkers make those who drink to excess feel uncomfortable!

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