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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not help a friend

7 replies

Flopisonsomething · 04/08/2018 17:04

NC for this post.
Friend left abusive relationship some time ago, but her DC still visits exP at weekends. There is an ongoing Child Arrangements dispute over where the child lives.
DC is claiming verbal abuse by her DF. DC claims that the neighbours knocked on the door to check on them when DF was yelling at the child. DC may or may not be telling the truth, or could have misunderstood the situation. DC is only 5.
Friend is worried and wants to track down the neighbours, but can't go round in case she is seen by exP. She hasn't exactly asked, but is hinting that I should go round and ask the neighbours...
I don't want to get involved in a situation with an abusive exP. Have tried googling the addresses but there's no information about who the neighbours are. AIBU to not offer to help?
Any other ways she can find the names/numbers of the neighbours without going there?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/08/2018 17:05

YANBU to not get involved. And as she hasn’t asked you outright I’d ignore any hints.

Returnofthesmileybar · 04/08/2018 17:07

I have to say I would totally do this for a friend, but if you aren't comfortable with it then don't it if she does ask

GreenMeerkat · 04/08/2018 17:10

I would probably do it to. If it helps remove the child from an abusive parent then I'm all for helping. But like PP said, it's totally up to you and if you're not comfortable that's fine.

Flopisonsomething · 05/08/2018 09:45

Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 05/08/2018 09:46

Why can't she ask SS to check up? Official channels would be better surely?

Flopisonsomething · 05/08/2018 09:55

It's a bit complicated and I'm not sure I understand it, but the ex has involved SS before and they found no concerns. Friend has been advised not to engage SS as they may see it as game playing, parental alienation or something. Friend has a solicitor who has said if the neighbours say something it is different.
Asked friend who said she wouldn't ask me to do it as ex knows who I am. She said she will try to ask someone who ex doesn't know.

OP posts:
Flopisonsomething · 05/08/2018 17:59

Another friend's DP is going to make discreet enquiries.
Thanks for the responses.

OP posts:
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