Would you let your child see toxic grandparents ?

[mylittlefony]

Just getting the general census.
There has been a huge family fall out and dp has decided he no longer wants anything to do with his mother.
Mil texts me ( not dp) at random times , calling ever name under the sun, being very rude and disrespectful .
She automatically thinks as she's my mother in law , she has a divine right to speak to me in this way but when I fire back , I'm being disrespectful .

Anyhow, she wants access to our children. She wants me to drop them at her house . I've refused so far because quite frankly a, the kids haven't asked to go and b, I'm not going to hand my children over to this toxic women . It's been over 2 years since they have seen them.

She still cannot understand this. Aibu to keep my children away ?

Another person saying don't do it.
My DH cut contact with his mum 3 years ago, she was a nasty toxic evil woman, she would tell me DH regularly growing up how she never cried when he was born as she wanted a girl..... she was very controlling, I can honestly say her and her family absolutely ruined the first year of my first child's life for us. I was told when baby was two weeks old that I was to 'drop baby with them when she said so' and if not I would be refusing access and she will get legal advice.... she bullied me, belittled me, gas lighted both myself and my partner, denying things she had said and done, even though I had text proof. She would tell my partner I needed to apologise for being to protective of my baby and when he sided with me she would use emotional blackmail, 'all your family will hate you, me and your father will cut you out of our will' After my partner cut contact we of course had the flying monkeys around our home every few days, then our work places, then my car got followed and they shouted abuse through my car window with my LO in the back seat, we had to get police involved. Worst time of our lives, 3 years later and they still try every now and again to get in touch. Over my dead body would they ever go near my children ever again. My partner feels exactly the same. Protect your children and respect your partners decision, do not be bullied by her. X

Absolutely do not let her have them. She will be bitching to them about you and your OH before you know it. My DC hardly see MIL and her DH (not my DH's DF) as he has made it clear he does not care about them - constantly bigging up his own DGC and how much MIL loves them. There have been issues between my DS2 and him that date back to when my DS was very young (4) and MIL has always backed her DH. I find this attitude very worrying - I really don't trust this man, I think he's a liar and a bully - so she's not allowed to take DC at all. Keep your DC away from this toxic woman as no good will come of it - DC should only be around people who love them and enrich their lives … seems to me your MIL only wants them in order to be awkward and use them.

Absolutely not.

You don’t want to see them, don’t expose your completely innocent vulnerable children to them. Why would you?

As the grandchild of someone who took great delight in slagging off both my parents I can tell you that the crap only ended when she finally died and the relief for everyone was palpable.

Children without grandparents do fine. And yours have your mum. Children with toxic abusive grandparents do not do as well.

Nope. Been NC with my mother for 17 yrs now, never met any of my dcs and is only aware of one of them existence.

I put up with 15 yrs of crap and abuse fro me her, over my dead body would I let her anywhere near my children, because in one form or another she would be the same to them or tell them how horrible I am and what a terrible daughter I was etc etc

Surprisingly as we live in the same fairly small county, probably less than 20miles from each other I’ve only seen her a couple of times in those 17yrs and thankfully she’s not seen me or my children.

Don’t do it op.

Absolutely totally not.

As attilla always says, if they are too toxic to be around you, as adults, then they are certainly too toxic to be around precious children.

If you are NC then you need to be properly NC.

Why is MIL not blocked on your phone?

Some shared DNA does not automatically make her a positive influence in the lives of your children

This needs reiterating.
You know she's not even close to being a positive influence. Follow your partners lead here.

Your right blue.
I don't know why I've been apprehensive before about blocking her but I am doing it right now.
I am not engaging with this women any more.
It's always me ( not dp) who gets the shit.
I think she finds it very difficult to accept her own son feels this way about her so it's easier to blame me ? If that makes sense ?

YANBU

Dh and I have a general rule that dc doesn't spent a significant amount of time with anyone who doesn't like one of us. Unfortunately we have some toxic relatives too. Our child doesn't see them, and is better for it IMO.

I spent time with my maternal grandparents, growing up and don't like them as an adult, as I was exposed to them badmouthing my dad a lot.

Sorry you're going through this, op.

Block her.

I wouldn’t let my child go alone to see someone who they hadn’t seen in two years, even without everything else going on.

We kept DS away from the PILs, MIL has form for parental alienation with SIL’s exes, so there was NO WAY when she pushed me over the edge into no contact (stole from me) that I was going to let her see my child. FIL threatened me so he’s banned too.