AIBU to write about my marriage/dhs mental health on mumsnet?

[ConfusedWife1234]

So I did write a lot of things about my marriage/ dhs mental health on mumsnet because I felt I needed to talk about it... could not get it out of my head... tried actively to think about other things but could not get it out of much head... much too much online time... talked about some really embarrassing things in public... guess had people think I am trolling.
Have a gained something? Not sure and I really do think it is my own fault because how should a person who does not even know us save or marriage?
Wrote about our marriage at other boards before, a time ago. Not sure if it helps. Does it make sure to discuss your marriage with strangers? Was one of you ever helped by it?

It’s always good to talk. Lots different thoughts on things. See things from different angles or try new approaches. But at the end of the day it boils down to you, no one can make the relationship work for you.

AIBU to think that some people just have a marriage that is not horrible, our marriage is not horrible, but a bit problematic. AIBU to think that some people just have a somewhat problematic marriage, that is sometimes stressful and must learn how to cope a d not to expect too much? And try not to think too much of the marriage but just accept it as it is.
I do love him, I do not want a divorce, but our marriage is not at all what I expected.

It needs the both the people in the marriage to ‘save’ it. MN is a great source of support, to help support you in making better decisions but no it can never be the magic fix. I do remember being caught up in the vicious circle and futility that was trying to ‘save’ a relationship single handedly. It was exhausting and was driven by fear. Somehow my relationship had become a huge part of my identity and that’s where the fear cam from, problem was, that identity was so far from the person I wanted to be. Take a break and give yourself the space to asses if life outside the relationship is the more rewarding.

Your H isn’t the reason you stay, you are and you need to understand where that motivation comes from and if it’s healthy.

This is the case for me too, my relationship is huge part of my identity. I am a SAHM (but will start working again soon) and dh has mental health problems that are not his fault and I think I must safe him... but maybe I should really take break... not leave the marriage but take a break, friends have been telling me that.

*should have added: I am a SAHM but we hired a cleaner and a childminder so that i feel that my dhs well-being is my main job.

It depends how you define problematic? You have one life, if the price of loving someone is being unfulfilled and unhappy, then in my opinion it is too damn high.

I left a problematic relationship with DD’s father because of an act of violence, the depressing truth, is that it took violence to realise that my ‘problematic’ relationship was killing me very slowly. It was difficult to assess where his MH issues and where his selfish twattery began. Which of course, didn’t really matter because I wasn’t going to martyr myself or DD’s childhood on the alter of a dysfunctional relationship.

started a

Which kind of my issues was it in case of your dh? Mine has ptsd. He never acted violent. Children love him.
He just has a negative way of thinking, whines a lot about small stuff like being short of hearing, being pudgy (but does not whine about really but things. I think he cannot), thinks life has dealt him an unfair hand, sometimes cares more about dogs, cats, horses than about his family.

When I have been talking to him too much my way of taking becomes negative such as his.

And I cannot stop thinking of how when I was younger dreamed of meeting Prince Charming who would be passionate and kiss me everytime he comes from work instead of kissing the dogs.

And I cannot stop worrying about dhs health.

I feel that my dhs well-being is my main job.

Oh dear. His well being is his main job the only thing you’re doing is tolerating/ enabling his poor behaviour at the cost of your MH.