Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children's party - siblings

34 replies

CaveMaman · 04/08/2018 07:09

My ds has his 3rd birthday coming up, and I've arranged a party for him. Only issue is, the spaces are limited - 20 kids max. I've paid for 16 children, because that was the 'package' (i didn't read the small print and thought it was for 20 children), extra kids cost £5 each (which is less than the party venue charges 'normally').

I know a couple of his friends have siblings and I'm now worried that they'll come automatically and then it would be embarrassing for me /the parents and upsetting for the kids.

Would it be cheeky to invite the 16 friends and put on the invite that siblings are welcome but will cost £5 and could they let me know beforehand so I know numbers?

I can't really afford to spend much more than I have already and picked this place because it offered a bring your own food option (my ds has multiple allergies so I couldn't get the usual nugget and chip option that these places seem to offer). Switching venues isn't an option.

OP posts:
ohreallyohreallyoh · 04/08/2018 07:37

I think that’s fine and I wouldn't personally have been offended. As a single parent, when my children were young I had to take siblings or not go at all. I always paid for the sibling (or offered to pay - depended on the venue) and would never have expected the party parents to pay.

sexnotgender · 04/08/2018 07:39

Not cheeky at all, you can’t just rock up with extra children and expect the host to accommodate them.

SeamusMacDubh · 04/08/2018 07:44

It's not cheeky, I have to take my younger DD when DS has a party as I have no one to look after her, I just message the mum/dad RSVPing and telling them that I'll be staying at the soft play/venue and paying to play with my DD during the party. No one has ever minded.

Happygoldfinch · 04/08/2018 07:46

Not at all cheeky. Be transparent now, and save untold awkwardness later!

Original poster
CaveMaman · 04/08/2018 07:58

Thank you - I don't want to cause any offense or put single parents in a difficult situation.

OP posts:
WishUponAStar88 · 04/08/2018 08:02

Definitely not cheeky if it’s a soft play type party I expect to pay entry for the non invited sibling and acknowledge that that won’t invlude party food etc. Are there only 4 or less siblings though? Would be awkward if too many came to put you over the 20!

Original poster
CaveMaman · 04/08/2018 08:14

It would be very awkwardly more than 20 kids come. It's not soft play but one of those "biggleton" places iyswim.

OP posts:
Original poster
CaveMaman · 04/08/2018 08:15

20 kids max, for the whole place. Iyswim...

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 04/08/2018 08:15

When I had a soft play party I gave the venue a list of names for the desk so they could deal with the siblings.

I also made cardboard luggage type labels and tied them on the party bags with ribbon.

IceCreamFace · 04/08/2018 08:17

I think that's fine. The etiquette around here is to assume siblings can come to big church hall parties and to specifically ask (and offer to pay) for sibling at events which are obviously pay per child. It would be cheeky to assume the sibling can come if it's clear you'd have to pay extra for them.

WowLookAtYou · 04/08/2018 08:21

I think that message is confusing. Siblings will cost £5 and to let you know? Does that mean they're to pay it? Or to let you know so that you can pay it?

Original poster
CaveMaman · 04/08/2018 08:24

I want them to pay it tbh. I can't really afford to pay for siblings...

OP posts:
Original poster
CaveMaman · 04/08/2018 08:25

It's costing £155 for the 16 children and no food. I'll make party food to take (sandwiches, cake etc) and make sure there's something ds can and will eat.

OP posts:
NynaeveSedai · 04/08/2018 08:27

'Unfortunately the venue is space limited and cannot accommodate more than 20 children. There are 4 extra spaces available if any of you would like to pay £5 for your child's sibling to come - but it's first come first served so please let me know ASAP! Thanks'

ConciseandNice · 04/08/2018 08:27

I think people always would expect to pay for siblings. Nobody surely expects the host to pay for extra party guests. The siblings aren’t invited! I’ve never bothered to mention that siblings will need to be paid for because it’s assumed. It would be a real CF to think you’re going to. As a P.P said usually the desk has a list of guests and they deal with extras.

37KAT · 04/08/2018 08:33

Perfectly acceptable to request siblings are paid for and you're made aware.

My DC are older now but I recall siblings coming to their parties which I understand can be unavoidable, but then sitting down to eat and asking for a party bag at the end. Dreadfully rude of the parent. As someone said about, label party bags.

californiascreaming · 04/08/2018 08:34

Agree that your wording is ambiguous.
Places at 'Biggleton' are strictly limited, so unfortunately you may not be able to just pay for entry for a sibling if the numbers have been reached. Please get in touch if you were thinking of bringing along a sibling to avoid disappointment at the door.

Original poster
CaveMaman · 04/08/2018 08:40

If i know ahead that siblings are coming then I'll make sure they get fed and have a party bag too. It's just that I can't afford to pay for their entry and the spaces are limited.

OP posts:
Original poster
CaveMaman · 04/08/2018 08:41

Also, thanks for the help with wording! I want it to be unambiguous so everyone knows what's expected.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 04/08/2018 08:42

I'd say no siblings as what will you do if more than 4 extras turn up?

IamaBluebird · 04/08/2018 08:48

Make sure everyone knows space is limited, as suggested. You don't want ten siblings all with parents willing to pay if there's no room.
Hope you have a lovely birthday party.

WrongKindOfFace · 04/08/2018 08:54

Just say siblings can’t be accommodated or you’re have some cheeky fucker rock up with an extra five kids.

mineisarossini · 04/08/2018 09:14

I would say to all guests, spaces are limited and sadly no siblings can be accommodated.

Trust me you could end up loads of extras, and not knowing who has paid. Asking parents for money is embarrassing, and you will be too busy supervising and sorting things out to have the time to deal with this.

If they choose to separately arrive and pay for siblings that is their choice, but if you state clearly that the party is for one invited child it will save you lots of hassle.

Witchend · 04/08/2018 09:23

I would say siblings can't be accommodated.

If you put let you know, siblings will be £5 that's inviting people to think "oh, that sounds nice dc1,3 and 4 will love it. I'll let her know we're all coming."
I'd certainly read it as siblings welcome if you pay.

Original poster
CaveMaman · 04/08/2018 09:25

Thanks mineisarossoni - unfortunately if they turn up with extra kids that take us over the 20 limit then they'll be turned away. I've hired the whole venue for the party and the spaces are limited to 20 in total. I think it's for safety.

OP posts: