Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if my MIL kissing my DH on the lips is weird?

52 replies

MenaMecca · 04/08/2018 02:30

Just a peck, of course.

During my last birthday, my DH kissed me on the lips (peck) and then my MIL saw it and asked for a kiss (same peck on the lips) herself right after.

AIBU to find it weird?

AIBU if I ask my DH not to do it again? At least not in front of me?

OP posts:
pilates · 05/08/2018 08:42

Yuk

itallhappensforareason · 05/08/2018 08:46

Mum kisses her own son on the lips, hold the press!!!

Stroller15 · 05/08/2018 08:46

My husband's not from the UK and he got a few strange looks going for the mouth when greeting friends rather than the side kiss!

madcatladyforever · 05/08/2018 08:48

My son would totally freak out if I tried that one and would probably never speak to me again. It might be the norm in other countries.

Hassled · 05/08/2018 08:49

My PILs are both "kiss family on the lips" types too - I'd never come across it before and thought it was weird and wrong, but for them it's just normal behaviour. I've dived for the cheek so many times now that they've got the message I don't like it and stopped.

maxthemartian · 05/08/2018 08:50

The weird thing is her demanding a kiss because you had one. Lips I guess some people would find weird and it would be normal for others (I'm in the finding it weird camp admittedly, have no desire for any lips other than DH to be anywhere near mine).

HaveSomeGrace · 05/08/2018 08:53

This is his mum, right?

Would your husband think it was as odd if your dad asked you for a kiss after seeing you kiss your him first?

Genuine question.

Excited0803 · 05/08/2018 08:55

I personally find kissing family on the lips weird and inappropriate, it's really not done in my family (nor my partner's family thankfully). It helps viruses to spread, yuck. It's actually dangerous for babies if someone has a cold sore too. So I'm coming at this topic highly prejudiced and would definitely say something.

"Competing" with her son's wife is very weird too. Love isn't a competition, it grows as more people are added, it's a sign of something very unhealthy but I'm not sure what.

Skittlesandbeer · 05/08/2018 08:57

a) is it weird for close relatives to kiss on the lips? No, no it is not.
b) is it weird to ask for an ‘on the lips’ but family kiss, directly after a kiss within a sexual relationship, and thus take the room’s attention away? Yes, yes. Weird and very embarrassing for everyone.
c) can anyone announce they are booking 6 months of living in your home, as a high-maintenance guest? No, they cannot. They can only try, but must be met with INSTANT rebuttal. My choice would be side-splitting laughter followed by the sentence ‘Oh, you should speak to my sister- she once asked me to pet sit for 6 WEEKS!! She never asked again once she realised what she was asking! Good one, though. You had me for a second there!!!’ Guffaw guffaw.

Seriously though. NIP IN BUD.

littlepeas · 05/08/2018 08:59

The boyfriend I had at school used to do this with his mum and dad - he would also go into the bathroom if his mum was in the bath and so on. I found it very strange, as it is not how my parents are at all - no hugging or kissing, even on the cheek! However, I kiss my own dc on the lips - less so now they are older, I doubt we will carry on when they’re adults.

I feel sorry for mils. I have 2 sons and a daughter - my 2 boys are so adoring and loving towards me (dd too, but not as much) I’m sure it will be hard when that love is shared with their partner. He is and will always be her little boy, she lives in a different country to him and sees him twice a year - that must be difficult, I’m not surprised she wants his attention when she’s here. All the above said, I fully intend to be a non-awkward mil myself, lessons learnt on here about how your own reasonableness leads to access to sons and grandchildren!

FrowningFlamingo · 05/08/2018 09:01

I don't think the kissing on the lips is particularly weird but I would agree that the way she demanded it just after you probably shows a bit of jealousy.
My mum very occasionally asks me for a kiss on the lips. I don't especially like it and find it a bit weird but it's very rare so I tend to go along with it. I know in other families it's totally normal so I guess it varies a lot!

sexnotgender · 05/08/2018 09:15

6 months!? Hahaha, rather you than me!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 05/08/2018 09:16

Some families always kiss on the lips, that's fine, however your MIL does appear to be an attention seeker. But really OP, more importantly, SIX MONTHS ? 😮

Quartz2208 · 05/08/2018 09:17

The problem isnt though the kiss its what the kiss means - its her exerting control and making it clear she believes she is number 1 and in charge - its a power play which rightly makes the OP uncomfortable.

This isnt her greeting/saying goodbye to her son with a peck on the lips its a deliberate move

Dothedamnthang · 05/08/2018 09:18

Pecking her own son on the lips is creepy? Clearly I must live in another universe to not be bothered by this.

BlueberryPud · 05/08/2018 09:21

I don't think it's weird as I know a lot of families who kiss on the lips. However, mine never has so it's not right for me.

AnnaMagnani · 05/08/2018 09:22

My DM kisses me on the lips. Its not weird. But we tend to do it more of a greeting/good-bye/thank-you thing.

What's weird is the whole wanting to do it straight after she's seen you and your husband have an affectionate kiss.

mineisarossini · 05/08/2018 09:22

Ewww it is just ewwwww.

Bluelady · 05/08/2018 09:28

Dear God, some people are hellbent on being offended by their MiLs at any price.

pigeondujour · 05/08/2018 09:45

I would truly hate that. I wouldn't even be particularly keen on DP kissing me on the lips in front of our parents, and nor would he be.

pigeondujour · 05/08/2018 09:51

Also, re this: I’m sure it will be hard when that love is shared with their partner.

It's not 'that' love, surely? It's a separate love. One allows for a lot more physical interaction than the other, but it doesn't mean the parental love is any lesser (I'd say it's 'more' for a lot of people - certainly less conditional than romantic love.)

QueenOfTheAndals · 05/08/2018 09:51

If she's announced that she's staying 6 months then you've got bigger problems than a peck on the lips...

LyndorCake · 05/08/2018 09:54

Do none of you lot kiss your children on the lips? If not, probably says more about you than it does about those who do.
It's a kiss ffs. It only holds the meaning you place on it which isnt defined by where it is placed. I can kiss my DH on the lips in a non-sexual way and in a sexual way. I can also kiss him on the hand in a sexual way and a non-sexual way. It's just a way of expressing affection!

LyndorCake · 05/08/2018 09:55

Also OP if you ask your DH not to kiss his own mother in your presence, then you're being controlling and a dick.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 05/08/2018 09:59

Thank you QueenDoris you have cheered me up Grin