To ask who I’m married to?

[Smilingfuckyou]

Met at 18 at uni. Married at 25. Very similar views and attitudes. He’s 6’ 2”. But soft as shite. Loved it. Fast forward. 40 last year. He seems to go mental like he’s missed out on his life. We have two kids (4 &7) but we always partied. I still give BJs voluntarily ffs. Anyway. He fancies everything that moves. I’m ok with it. Until he got off with 22 year old Hungarian on a business trip. He’s been texting other birds. And tonight he absolutely shoved my son while my little boy was walking away after a row with him. We’d do I do? Blow my life up or ride the midlife crisis?

it's not your mother's marriage

Too bloody right. Her choice was even worse than mine!

18 and 25 here exactly too. To cheat and then shove the kids to boot though?! That's no midlife crisis. Just NO.

And surely your mother will be happy for the decision to make her child and grandchildren safer.

Hope you're okay.

Do you have anyone in RL that you can confide in? Sounds like you could do with a hug

When I saw it, I felt my skin burn

I tell you what. I’d had a few wines and all was terrible. After this I KNOW I’m right.

did he actually tell you about the 22 y.o. Hungarian? did you find out about texting women by looking at his phone?

he's acting very peculiarly considering you've been together so long.

long talk tomorrow, lay down the law about your son and tell him you'll take action if there's anymore abuse. he's a big bully.

You need to get prepared

These are the documents you are going to need (taken from www.womenshealth.gov ):

Birth certificates, Social Security cards, and passports or immigration papers for you and your children
Health insurance cards for you and your children
Financial records, including recent bank statements and stocks or mutual fund records
Housing documents, such as rental agreements, mortgage statements, or the title or deed
Your most recent credit report (you can request one for free (link is external))
The title or lease paperwork for your car
Statements for any retirement plans
The past two years’ tax returns
A written copy of phone numbers or important addresses in case you cannot get to your cellphone or address book

Felt guilty. Told me a half tale

Shit. Ok.

shit the bed. He’s fucked

Foxache do I need a lawyer?

I think some responses are over acting and a bit stern but maybe I'm way off base as I'm coming out of a very abusive marriage and shoving a child once, doesn't sound that bad to me.

People make mistakes and if these are his mistakes and if he wises up and sorts himself out, in the scheme of a long marriage, maybe it is what it is.

However if he continues down this path of cheating and violent behaviour, then you do have to leave him, to protect your kids at the very least.

flirtygirl (I typed flirtygit by mistake at first then hastily corrected!!) one of the problems with abusive relationships, apart from everything else, is that it mangles your sense of boundaries and what's acceptable.

Been there too, hope things are much better now.

Sounds like you two might need to have a stern conversation in the cold light of day when you've both sobered up.
I am pretty certain you won't be leaving him in the morning...

OP, hope you're OK. Sounds like a really tough thing you're going through. Totally understandable that you've had a few tonight. Sending you . Hope you feel resolved in the morning.

One thing to remember - it wasn’t you who blew up your marriage. He did. Firstly by cheating. Then my pushing your son. Him. Not you.

@DonkeyHotei I'm a dick because I'm not advising OP to LTB?! Right, ok then.
Don't get me wrong, I'd want to get to the bottom of the OW and shoving a child is far from ok but at the same time rash decisions at 2am won't help.

Hopefully OP is getting some sleep now

Get checked for STI to and stop all physical contact