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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I'd give anything to swap"

19 replies

SoItsNotSoGreat · 03/08/2018 18:45

I'm on maternity leave, caring for DS1, 6 months old. I have had absolutely no time to myself and have recently been struggling feeling isolated and low (history of depression).

Previously when I've been telling DP that I've been struggling with DS, who doesn't nap and is very clingy, he tells me that he'd prefer to be in my position and that if I think it's "easier" I can swap and he'll stay at home.

Well today, I had a KIT day and went into the office for ONE HOUR and had a drink after with some friends. He said he now realises how tough it is and he feels sick as he is so stressed.

So AIBU to say I told you so?

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 03/08/2018 18:46

YANBU get him told. Also take him up on his offer of going to work and him staying home.

AtSea1979 · 03/08/2018 18:48

Also what is the reason it’s so hard? Is DS not napping? Are there parent and baby groups? Yoga, massage, music, story time at library etc you can join to feel less isolated?

HirplesWithHaggis · 03/08/2018 18:49

Can you return to work and he can have the rest of your mat leave? Not sure how that works...

ShumpaLumpa · 03/08/2018 19:02

YANBU to say 'i told you so' but also have him take care of DS more often e.g. on weekends.

Are you BFing? If yes, could you leave expressed milk for DH to feed?

Original poster
SoItsNotSoGreat · 03/08/2018 19:23

I am planning to go back to work earlier than planned, but he's the main earner so we can't afford for him to be on statutory /no income.

But I will make him do more on weekends! If anything, him struggling today, while making me feel guilty, has made me accept that it is hard and I'm not just struggling because I'm weak and useless and pathetic.

OP posts:
Original poster
SoItsNotSoGreat · 03/08/2018 19:24

Not BF any more, which is why I've been able to go out!

OP posts:
VickyEadie · 03/08/2018 19:24

I don't even know you (nor do I have kids) and I'm gloating just a bit on your behalf.

ElinorOliphantIsCompletelyFine · 03/08/2018 19:27

Firstly, yes you can say I told you so Grin

Secondly have you tried to gradual retreat method? DS has always been a good sleeper but when he started having a clingy phase, that really worked for us.

Theshittyendofthestick · 03/08/2018 19:29

You should definitely leave him in charge more often and if you'll feel happier going back to work earlier, don't feel bad about it. There's plenty of reasons for you to organise your life in a way that makes you happy. My personal opinion is that the most stressful work day is a piece of piss compared to a difficult baby day.

TangelasVine · 03/08/2018 19:30

We did shared parent leave and I do think us both seeing the other point of view was a big plus point. We're both now part time.
I appreciate not everyone can do this or wants to but the option to swap is there!

Original poster
SoItsNotSoGreat · 03/08/2018 19:43

My personal opinion is that the most stressful work day is a piece of piss compared to a difficult baby day.

Definitely agree with this! Especially when your work isn't important enough to be taken home with you x

OP posts:
LeroyJenkins · 04/08/2018 09:30

My personal opinion is that the most stressful work day is a piece of piss compared to a difficult baby day.

really? surely it depends on your job Hmm why does it have to be a competition

Obviously the average job is easier than a difficult baby day, but not the most stressful (i've been a SAHM and a WOHM so can see both sides - SN oldest DC)

YaLoVeras · 04/08/2018 09:35

oh I used to WISH when I went away that my xh would realise how hard it is but his mother used to appear and do everything for him so it all ran smoothly and she LOVED pandering to him so she did it better and when I got back he used to think my mother did it better! ha ha. Like I said. 'X'

IceCreamFace · 04/08/2018 09:37

YANBU but I'm surprised he hasn't been on his own with DS before now. Definitely make sure you have the odd day out and DS can stay home with DP at the weekend.

JacquesHammer · 04/08/2018 09:37

why does it have to be a competition

Absolutely this. “I told you so” helps nobody.

RedNed · 04/08/2018 09:39

I told you so says exactly that, and next time if I tell you I'm not coping you'll listen. Of course it's helpful to say it!

StripySocksAndDocs · 04/08/2018 09:41

Your partner was sick with stress after less than just few hours of looking after his own child?

Think the main cause of your usual difficulty is right there.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/08/2018 09:47

He feels sick with stress after line parenting for what, 4 hours?? I'm assuming your child screamed for 4 hours straight for him to be so ill with stress? Or he has complex needs?

Or you have a DH who is trying to make you feel like he is hard done to having to take on that stress for SO long. It sounds like he needs more practise!!

Longdistance · 04/08/2018 12:44

It may well not be a competition, but having your feelings dismissed is crappy.

So, ‘I told you so’, is very relevant.

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