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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Snooping

7 replies

Snooper · 03/08/2018 14:37

Background, Me and DH have been married for 2 years, together for 5. DH is divorced but hasn't disclosed much of his past as he doesn't like to talk about it. I've asked questions in the past and got different answers e.g how long before we started talking was he divorced, intially he said a few years but after we got married i found out this was untrue. He had only been divorced a few months. Hes also had quite a few girlfriends which again he doesn't tell me anything about. I dont want to know much but the fact he keeps lying about his past makes me curious about what hes trying to hide. He also has a tendency to lie about little things which makes me even more paranoid. Apart from that he is an amazing husband and father.

As i was tidying up today i found some old mobile phones that i had no idea existed. I had a look through one and found engagement videos (from another ex) and some messages to his ex wife. Now i feel bad about snooping and want to be honest and tell him. I know i was unreasonable for snooping but should I tell him or pretend it didnt happen?

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 03/08/2018 14:40

Pretend it didn't happen.
He doesn't sound that great a DH if he lies to you.

Aprilshowersinjuly · 03/08/2018 14:40

I also snooped quite early on in our relationship, found phones /etc.
Didn't ask dh about them as tbh his past is what's made him the man I love.

If you feel like you don't trust him is that down to anything he has done now or just regarding his past?

GrandTheftWalrus · 03/08/2018 15:07

I found old phones. Had a quick nosey and then put them back. There was nothing in them that I didn't know already.

Just pretend you never seen them

Snooper · 03/08/2018 15:53

The fact he refuses to talk to me about his past makes me not trust him. He previously said he was married for a couple years then said a year. When i asked why he lied he said he got couldn't remember. He also keeps changing the timeline of things e.g he was with someone after his divorced and before me, then he says he was single after his divorce until he met me

OP posts:
Aprilshowersinjuly · 03/08/2018 15:59

Maybe his relationships previous to you were while he was still married and he doesn't want to admit he was a cheater?

Returnofthesmileybar · 03/08/2018 16:33

Honestly this is super weird!! I am all for privacy and not disclosing everything if you don't want to but how long you were married and divorced is pretty basic information. It's like you're married to a stranger, weird

Trinity66 · 03/08/2018 16:37

The fact that he lies about little things of no real importance is worrying to me, that usually means someone is a compulsive liar in my experience

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