to wonder what happens if no parental guidance or help in life?

[ExtraFrills]

I have been thinking about this recently.

Basically I was "on my own" once I was 17 (working, left home, completely independent). I was bright and academic but there was never any conversations about doing anything past "O" level. My mother had no further input. There was no encouragement, guidance, on matters to do with men, education, work, anything really.

I'm in my 50s now and I'm sorta OK, though there's been a lot of "sorting out" along the way. I am very independent minded and an independent thinker and probably a bit unusual in some ways! However, I suspect my life's been unnecessarily "hard" as a result. I do accept how my mother was, but I think the lack of support and guidance must have had an impact.

I suspect people who thrive best in life often have the combinations of talent and drive and luck - and parental support.

What do others think?

I think emotional support from parents is so important, even if they can't give practical or financial help. I grew up being told that any dream I had was me being stupid, selfish or above myself. From learning to drive, travelling, to going to university after being accepted on the nursing diploma, I gave it all up.

Unfortunately I listened and have missed out on so many opportunities and experiences in life so as a parent now who may not always get it right, I will never let my own DC be held back by me or what I never achieved.

gliding Yes, same here. My grandparents repeatedly told me that I was far too stupid and awful to go to university, get a job, be loved by anyone, learn to drive, have friends, travel or have any sort of normal, successful life. I have managed all of them except the driving and, weirdly, decided just this morning that enough was enough and I'm finally going to do it at the grand old age of forty three so they can go fuck themselves basically.

I grew up in an awful house that culminated in mother taking her own life when I was 12. Father blamed me.

I basically lived at my best friends house and her mum showed me love.
Taught me languages and taught me not to rely or depend on anyone.

I went to a rg uni, paid my way with camwork (I'm fine with it, paid my bills).
I've survived cancer (twice), abusive ex (left me disabled) but I'm ok.

I've travelled the world with work and now have two, fully grown, kids.

I probably love them too much and am overprotective. At least they KNOW they are loved, I didn't.

I know someone whose parents lived all over the world and moved several times. Their child complained that they had no friends and had to keep starting again. My emotional support person died when I was 30, I've just got on with my life. However, I know other people who have been traumatized by life events. Everyone is different.

My emotional support person died when I was 30, I've just got on with my life

At 30, you are an adult. If you had lost that person as a primary aged child, your capacity to just get on with your life would be greatly reduced.

I know someone who lost their parent at age under 10, I am well aware of the ongoing impact. Life goes on...

This thread makes interesting reading. I left home at 17, having more or less brought myself up as my parents were largely disinterested and preoccupied with themselves. They put a roof over our heads, but not much else. I came back a few years later for a brief spell, and then left again.

My parents never guided me or helped me. Never gave advice, asked me if I was OK or showed much interest in what i was doing. Consequently, I probably clung on to relationships that maybe I wouldn't have done if i had had a proper home or support. I was desperate for children myself, and am probably too much the other way with my children. Over involved, over empathising, trying to fix everything for them. I never want them to feel that no one cares , like I did. They are great people, but probably turn to me too much to sort and fix things, and take me for granted.
Recently my daughter has spent a few weeks staying with my mother who she hardly knows. She now has a new understanding of what a shit time i had and how little parenting I received.
It either breaks you or makes you stronger. It made me very capable in a practical sense, but emotionally very insecure.