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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disastrous Holidays

27 replies

JAlfredPrufrock · 03/08/2018 12:54

So I am currently on holiday with DH and the kids. Straight after we get back, we have a big party planned for our wedding anniversary (lots of friends coming over, money has been paid, etc). After that we have another holiday planned with extended family.

And I've just discovered that DH has done something pretty awful. Not necessarily destroyed-the-marriage awful (not involving another woman), but definitely the sort of thing that will require a lot of work for us to get past.

I haven't confronted him yet, but I'm sitting here wondering how on earth I deal with this without it becoming the holiday from hell. And wondering whether I should just leave it until after the second holiday.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Or amusing-in-retrospect stories of holiday fall-outs to cheer me up? I'm feeling a little numb TBH.

OP posts:
PaulRuddislush · 03/08/2018 13:16

Hard to say without a bit more information?

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 03/08/2018 13:18

Yea not wanting to pry either but it's hard to judge what to do when we don't know what it is, hope you're ok though

loveka · 03/08/2018 13:20

Well, either way will be difficult. How are you goung to get through pretending every day.

I would discuss it now. The holidays are ruined anyway.

5foot5 · 03/08/2018 13:31

I would discuss it now. The holidays are ruined anyway.

Well they might be ruined for the OP but not the kids. If confronting her DH now is likely to lead to a horrendous row followed by a horrible atmosphere then I think I might wait as it would surely spoil the holiday for the whole family.

I remember being on holiday with my parents when I was about 14 when my Mum had a huge row with my Dad that soured the whole holiday.

KC225 · 03/08/2018 13:46

Holiday may be the best place to discuss it. Not much storming off to stay with a mate or family member.

The longer it festers the worse it will get.

MrsJayy · 03/08/2018 13:51

Can you not say what are we going to do about this.. I agree if you let it fester then you are going to have a ball of resentment inyour stomach are you really going to manage to smile through your aniversary party?

sockunicorn · 03/08/2018 13:55

i would say it hugely depends what it is. If its something he could end the marriage over once he knows you know then i would wait (that would obviously impact the kids holidays). however if its something he will apologise and grovel for i would tell him now...after all why should you be the one sat wanting to punch him while he enjoys his holidays oblivious.

Happygoldfinch · 03/08/2018 13:55

We all what to know what DH has done...

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/08/2018 14:12

does it involve money?

rubyjude · 03/08/2018 14:13

Spent money? Bought a puppy without telling you? Told you he's secretly a woman? We can't really give much more advice without knowing what it is he's done.

happypoobum · 03/08/2018 14:14

I think talking about it now might be better. You will only stew otherwise and maybe it isn't as bad or quite what you thought?

KitKat1985 · 03/08/2018 14:15

Not trying to be nosy OP, but it's really hard to answer your question without knowing what your DH has done. If it's along the lines of he has physically harmed you then you need to resolve this now. If this about money or addiction in some ways it may be something that can wait a couple of weeks.

RatherBeRiding · 03/08/2018 14:15

What is his reaction likely to be if you confront him? If he can be grown-up about it and not cause massive upheaval for the kids, then I'd have to confront him now, otherwise it will fester and you will probably finally blow your top.

Plus - how on earth are you going to carry on pretending all is well during this holiday, the big party and the next holiday? And why should you? Your not the one in the wrong here.

I'd have to speak up now unless he is guaranteed to be a twat about it, and there's no escape for you and the kids till back home.

Flightbite · 03/08/2018 14:16

Gosh, tough call but I'm a heart on my sleeve type person so I'd have to say something!

Grace789 · 03/08/2018 14:16

I feel you op, my dp announced £15,000 gambling debts before our holiday last July. Hope you guys get it sorted.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 03/08/2018 14:18

I would have to say something. If anything, you might clear the air a bit and it could help.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 03/08/2018 14:18

Come on how is anyone supposed to answer usefully without the reason

Ginger1982 · 03/08/2018 14:21

You need to say what he's done FFS.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 03/08/2018 14:30

If it's not "destroyed-the-marriage awful" then I would park it, enjoy the holidays and tackle it when you get back from the second one.

Leesa65 · 03/08/2018 14:31

Yea, like PPs I am not one to pry but we need at least a clue as to what it is you have found out.

kissthealderman · 03/08/2018 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/08/2018 14:47

It’s impossible to say without knowing the situation.

I’m sorry he’s done it though, whatever it is.

Antigonads · 03/08/2018 14:49

How on earth can anyone possibly comment if we have no idea what he has done.

If it is not marriage ending then presumably you will get through it and only you can know how.............

thefirstmrsrochester · 03/08/2018 14:51

I found out on holiday the my DH had been had in the past an emotional affair with a family friend with whom we were at that moment on a group holiday with. Had I had it out there and then it would have ended our relationship and that of the family friend in front of our kids, and her kids, all of whom have been friends from birth and consider each other family. I couldn’d do that to the kids who had done absolutely nothing wrong. Certainly ruined the holiday for me, and years on I still don’t trust my husband. But for me it was right to wait. If it’s not marriage ending stuff, then it can wait.

RoboticSealpup · 03/08/2018 14:52

There's no right or wrong - others can only tell you their point of view based on what they would do in your circumstances. But it's impossible for others to imagine themselves in your shoes with so little detail around what has happened.

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