To ask my 8 year old to do chores if she wants pocket money

[Fleuried]

She's asked for pocket money (probably to buy cuddly toys!) which we're happy to do.

I want her to earn it though. If she doesn't do her chores, she doesn't get it. Husband thinks I'm being harsh. She doesn't do much around the house which wasn't an issue when she was younger but I think we need to deal with it before we end up with a kid that refuses to help.

I know she maybe should just be doing chores anyway but I don't like the idea of just giving her money for some reason.

Neither husband nor I had to do chores growing up. I didn't get pocket money either though.

1. So am I being mean expecting her to earn pocket money?
2. What chores are realistic? Not the ones from that list where 8 year olds do all the ironing!
3. If your kids get pocket money, how much?
4. Am I being mean making her save a small amount of any pocket money she does get? I'm talking a token amount. I was never encouraged to save and it shows!

My 4 year old does chores to get her pocket money. It's never too early to start realising that money doesn't grow on trees. Just simple stuff for us. Clears hers and her brothers plates after dinner and wipes up the table and mats. She loves it.

Children should be helpful members of the family , table setting, clearing etc and should take the responsibility of caring for and tidying their own things without payment. However extra jobs could be paid for. a ten yr old can hoover

No strings attached money? Where can I get some of that?

Real life lessons. If you want money you have to work for it. I expect the children to learn basic tidiness for their own benefit when they leave home anyway, so they need to learn how to use the washing machine, tidy up, make beds etc, not linked to money.

But once pocket money starts I expect dishwasher filled and emptied, baths and sinks cleaned, mopping and vacuuming etc. (All within reason and not all in one go of course.)

I do 50p for each year of their age so e.g. £5 a week for a 10 year old, £2.50 for a 5 year old.

And they only get it for looking after them selves.. e.g. Cleaning up after themselves, putting their clothes away, brushing teeth properly etc

If they want more money they can do extra chores such as washing the car

I.ve never linked it to jobs.
Mine have always had to 'do their bit' around the home, as that is how the home runs. We all live here, we all contribute. Linking jobs to pocket money means they can 'opt out'.

My girls (11 and 9) are expected to clear their dishes, pick stuff up etc. They don't get paid for that as it's just normal responsibility. Every weekday they have set "jobs" eg emptying dishwasher, clearing lounge. And they can choose one or two other jobs from a list (no of jobs depends on the day and how busy we are!) at weekends the have set weekend jobs and a couple if choices from a list.

It sounds complicated but they like having a choice and are more likely to do it!

They get £15 a month

If you want money you have to work for it

Well yeah but in 10/15 years time no-one is paying them to load the dishwasher...unless I’ve been doing it wrong for years. Can I backdate?

Real life lessons. If you want money you have to work for it

A family shares their money, the person who earns it doesn't get to control how it's all spent. You should no more link your childs discretionary money to chores than your partners. Of course if you can't afford any discretionary money anywhere in the family then the kid doesn't get any either, but then the chores couldn't be paid for anyway.

"Real life lessons. If you want money you have to work for it"

NO! Sometimes you have to work whether you get paid for it or not and household chores are part of that, they just have to be done.

NO! Sometimes you have to work whether you get paid for it or not and household chores are part of that, they just have to be done

That still doesn’t mean you get money for nothing though.

My DD has cleared away after herself since a very young age and helped when asked. She doesn’t see it as chores but normal part of day to day living.

Age 9 she gets £20 a month. Half must go in savings which she can not touch and half is hers to spend as she wishes. Works really well as she can see the £10 she saving growing quite nicely in her glass jar.

Well yeah but in 10/15 years time no-one is paying them to load the dishwasher...unless I’ve been doing it wrong for years. Can I backdate?

I think you should can your parents and try. Worth a shot?

In 10-15 years time the kids should be working and any work ethic they’ve learned at home won’t be a bad thing. Some things you gotta do anyway without payment, but I personally see nothing wrong with teaching them money for nothing doesn’t happen.

“Call” not can

Can I recommend the Rooster app for pocket money. No more scrabbling around for pound coins on a Saturday. And no more trying to remember what is left in the dcs money box when out and about.

Linking jobs to pocket money means they can 'opt out'

I don't really get this, my wages are linked to my job, I can opt out but there will be consequences. Their pocket money is linked to chores, if they opt out there will be consequences eg not just you don't get pocket money that week, but you can't use any of your saved money, you don't get an ice cream at the beach etc. Surely that teaches that when we grow up we work to earn but also that we work to have the lifestyle we want? I could opt out and go onto jobseekers, I don't because that won't give me the choices and lifestyle I want

YABU

I have 8&6 year olds. I expect them to do chores regardless of pocket money.

Otherwise they think that they only do housework in return for something. When actually we do housework because we all live in the house and we all should be helpin out.

I buy my dcs treats and give them pocket money which is in a similar vein - it’s a treat and is to teach them about saving etc. I am not their employer - they can learn about being paid for work when they get a job.

I could also opt out of all housework by the consequences would be living in a dive, being embarrassed to invite people round and possibly mice and all kids of other issues

" Surely that teaches that when we grow up we work to earn but also that we work to have the lifestyle we want?"

Most adults don't get paid for housework in their own house so you're teaching something incorrect if that's what you're teaching your child about growing up. You don't get a reward for taking the bins out, you just have to do it.

My 7 year old cleans up the messy table after most meals. She also sweeps the floor with her dustpan and brush. She helps with hanging washing sometimes. General tidy up. I'm really proud of who she is becoming.

You don't get a reward for taking the bins out, you just have to do it.

Yes you do, you get the reward of not living in a dump overrun with ants and vermin. No one makes you clean as an adult you genuinely don't have to if you don't want, you do it because you don't like the lifestyle you have if you don't

"No one makes you clean as an adult you genuinely don't have to if you don't want, you do it because you don't like the lifestyle you have if you don't"

You obviously haven't seen the homes I've seen.
Some people's tolerance is very high. If they have an attitude of needing a reward for every chore, they won't do it.