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Original poster

To ask people not to comment on new mums' weight?

54 replies

Annalogy · 03/08/2018 10:28

It's so disheartening. My DD is now 10 weeks old and people are continuously commenting on my "baby weight"

The latest was 'oh, I see that you've lost MOST of the baby weight' and 'you'll look good once you've lost that baby tummy!'

I think there's way too much pressure on new mums to bounce back to their former dress sizes.

WIBU to ask if people could possibly not comment on my Mum tum? Hmm

OP posts:
Aprilsinparis · 03/08/2018 11:41

Why are people so devoid of any common courtesy, and good manners. I would never comment on anyone's appearance, if I thought it was going to be hurtful. I agree, there is too much pressure on Mothers to ping back into shape, once they have had their babies. It doesn't help when celebrities are back to their pre-baby weight within weeks of giving birth.

Timeforanothernewone · 03/08/2018 11:49

My mum has recently been giving me advice about what to wear to disguise my tummy. It's frustrating at best, offensive at worst

MrSpock · 03/08/2018 11:49

People have unrealistic expectations of what a woman looks like postpartum due to celebrities being back in their size ten skinny jeans a day after giving birth. It doesn’t happen for most people. I had no idea when I was having my first DC that my abdomen wouldn’t suddenly shrink back to its pre-pregnancy size and that I’d have a bit of a mum tum for the rest of my life.

It’s different for everyone. I think the idea that women who’s figures return to normal quickly are “fake” and “damaging” is also quite dangerous.

Butterflykissess · 03/08/2018 11:53

Yes @hogtini, and the other small handful of doubters, people DO actually say this kind of thing in real life! hmm

Yes I agree. As if we are lying or something! My mum told me there is no excuse ever to put on weight ever. she was a size 10 before pregnancy and a size 10 after so there is no excuse. My sister told me to just not eat for 3 days so my stomach will shrink apparently then I wont be able to eat so much so I will lose weight!
Ive had "oi fatty" shouted at me by a group of men in a passing car.
I was boarding a bus with my baby in a pram when two other women with prams approached the bus stop and one shouted "we cant get on that bus now because that fat bitch is getting on it." So yes it does happen.

Notsurewhatsbest · 03/08/2018 11:55

Day after I gave birth my step mum looked at me and said, "Christ my belly wasn't even that big when I still had XX in there"
Wtf..Hmm too vulnerable to speak back at the time but god that stung..

Hogtini · 03/08/2018 11:57

Wasn't suggesting anyone was lying, just incredulous that people can be so rude. Sad

MrSpock · 03/08/2018 11:57

Like Hotgini I’m more surprised than anything, there’s no need for it.

Fang2468 · 03/08/2018 11:58

It’s rude AF, can’t imagine ever thinking it’s ok to say this to a new mum.

PavlovaPrincess · 03/08/2018 12:02

God this thread is so depressing.

Why do people (usually men) think it's ok to comment on women's appearances like this? Anybody who does this is a cunt.

PavlovaPrincess · 03/08/2018 12:02

Although plenty of women, who should know better, seem to think it's ok too 🙁

Heatherjayne1972 · 03/08/2018 12:05

I had the opposite
A thinly disguised contempt at how ‘thin she is. So soon after giving birth)

daisyinatree · 03/08/2018 12:10

Yeah men AND women say stuff. Not on. Really not on. Hmm

Wasn't suggesting anyone was lying, just incredulous that people can be so rude.

Fair enough @hogtini Smile

It just came across like you (and several others) were suggesting people are making it up.

Sorry about that. Posts on a forum don't always come across right (or well,) because you can't see the expression on someone's face, or hear their voice. Smile

twicethrice · 03/08/2018 12:12

My FIL said "oh so it wasn't all just baby then hahaha you are huge!" Couldn't actually believe it.... Then several comments about my huge arse. I was a 12-14 at 5ft8..... then when I did lose the weight, a year later I got comments about starving myself. Even though I literally only dropped one dress size. You just can't win. I find it disgusting.

MatildaTheCat · 03/08/2018 12:14

My MIL commented, ‘Hmm, she’s still got a bit of a tummy,’ when Kate Middleton left hospital a few hours after giving birth to George.

Mind you she was never slow to mention any slight physical change. Unless it was something positive. Hmm

When ds1 was getting baptised, age 3 months, I needed a new dress and planned a trip to outer very large local town. She looked utterly disgusted and said she couldn’t imagine how I’d possibly find anything to fit. I was probably a 12-14. It was actually very damaging as I’ve always considered myself plump and I’m really not.

Gorrillagirlfanclub · 03/08/2018 12:15

Unfortunately I can believe people say that. I really think a firm fuck off is legitimate. They're not being polite so why should you be? If you've got the patience you could say something like ; well you know I'm just concentrating on making sure this new life I've just popped out of my body is looked after.

This makes me furious on your behalf. Enjoy your baby and don't listen to other people's bullshit!

PrincessDaff · 03/08/2018 12:20

I got just as many comments because I lost the weight very fast (for an unknown reason, I never tried and I have had my thyroid checked). I didn't put much on due to having severe hyperemesis throughout my pregnancy and being admitted to hospital more than 8 times for IV fluid and ant sickness injections but I had a few people asking me if I was starving myself and say oh you have lost far too much weight please don't lose any more.

I still get things said to me and my DS is now 15 months old.

MrSpock · 03/08/2018 12:25

PrincessDaff I was in a similar situation, HG and hardly any weight gain meant I looked exactly the same. Luckily no one was rude but I did feel maybe some people judged.

I think people should just not comment on anyone’s weight.

Butterflykissess · 03/08/2018 12:47

Weight seems to be seen as fair game to comment on, My sister has a new boyfriend recently and keeps calling him her "fat boyfriend" and she cant believe shes dating a fat man. Annoys me everytime she says it especially as she knows Im still struggling to lose the baby weight.

ClarkWGriswold · 03/08/2018 12:54

About 6 weeks after I had had my first DD (awful birth; pre eclampsia, nearly died, c-section etc) I went into a shop in our small town and the owner of it, middle aged Turkish man, told me I needed to lose weight immediately because it's not nice for men to see overweight women. I had my DD with me in a pram and just stood there gobsmacked. Another woman in the shop said to him "can't you see she's just had a baby?" And he said "yes but that doesn't matter".

Naturally I never went in there again and it closed down a year or so later anyway.

KinkyAfro · 03/08/2018 12:59

Wow butterflykisses that's so rude of your sister, what does her boyfriend say? I couldn't be with someone who talked about me like that

stevie69 · 03/08/2018 13:04

I really don't think that people should comment on anybody's weight: new mum or not Blush

Butterflykissess · 03/08/2018 13:05

She doesnt say it to his face just to me and her friends. And keeps laughing about what he eats (they ordered kebabs and he said no salad, thats hilarious apparently.)

peachgreen · 03/08/2018 13:10

The only people who have talked to me about baby weight are people in my antenatal group who can't resist boasting about being back at their pre-baby weight etc etc. Drives me bonkers. And I was back at my pre-baby weight very quickly (because I was very ill so it's not something to be proud of!) so it's not that I'm jealous. I just hate the competitiveness of it.

It's a lovely, supportive group otherwise so it's such a shame. It's the same people who endlessly went on about how tiny their bumps were and pretended they were jealous of big bumps when really they just wanted an excuse to get people to say "oh you're so tiny!" over and over.

happypoobum · 03/08/2018 13:28

I agree with stevie - it's bloody rude at any time.

The weight fell straight off me when I had my DC, and people thought it was OK to make comments about that too, as though I were deliberately starving myself or something. I think I was just one of those lucky people who drop weight fast when breastfeeding.

It seems that becoming a mother makes people think they can say all kinds of things to you that they wouldn't dare say otherwise...

NoDressSense · 03/08/2018 13:44

I've had this LOADS !
After my first two pregnancies I was still a slim size 8 but with a wrinkly tummy - one day I went in a local shop run by an Indian man and his wife and when I went in with the double buggy he stopped me at the door and said I wouldn't be able to wear anything in his shop because he didn't stock mum clothes and nothing would fit 😳 his wife was sat in the corner behind the full and she is a much larger lady ! The shop is still open too !
Three days after my second was born my fil told me I still looked pregnant ! Even when I was a size 8 he'd call me 'fatty' as a nickname , it didn't bother me much until after the third (11lb!) was born and I was a size 16 and he just kept doing it till the day he died .

The one that hurts the most though is that now I'm 4 month pp with number 4 and a size 18 , admittedly bigger than I'd like to be but my best friend is constantly tagging me in memes on social media about pigs , whales , elephants ... making remarks about how the ground shakes when I walk ect . She thinks she's funny but it really does hurt . She has had three tiny babies and never been bigger than a size 8 even at 40 weeks pregnant so she just doesn't understand how it makes me feel

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