Overwhelmed by this

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I am fostering my baby niece, I have no support network (few friends, too busy with their own lives, wouldn't dare ask for help) no other family members who can help. I didn't realise how difficult it would be, I have my own child too who is struggling with the constant screaming n not being able to get much of my time atm.
My mother agreed she would support me (after a bit of a battle with social services as they didn't agree initially that she could fully comprehend safeguarding practice) so mum proved her worth and they changed their mind and agreed she could help out more.
Niece is very very demanding and I'm sure this is due to the complexity of not being able to form bonds with birth mother and moving home twice before coming here.
It is very stressful but she is adorable and is meeting all developmental milestones maybe even excelling them in ways.
She is confident here with me and has bonded lovely with my child, they are like siblings.
However, my mum has let me down already, I asked if she could babysit for 1 hour so I could do something she said too busy.
She made firm arrangements with me just last week to come over in the morning n watch the children, I waited and waited then decided to ring her couple hours later due to worrying about her as this was out of character.
I'm so overwhelmed with it all tbh, I thought I was prepared but now I feel I really wasn't.

I love my niece, I want to do the right thing for her and my family are desperate she stays with the family by hook or by crook they do not want to lose contact (niece would be adopted if I don't look after her).
I'm just so overwhelmed, I feel shame that I'm struggling, I hardly get time with my dc nowadays, I am worried about money as I had to give up my job to look after her, I want to reach out for help but I'm so embarrassed and feel a failure, and worried she will be taken away from me.
Part of me wonders what would happen if I did give up and then I remind myself that I am in this for the long haul and that baby needs a chance in life.
I'm just so annoyed with my mum for letting me down already, I really don't feel I can do this alone , and scared I've wasted everyone's time, please give me some advice.

That sounds really tough but your also doing an amazing thing! How old is she?

She is 10 months old

You are carrying an awful lot on your shoulders, and I think that's it's normal to feel so overwhelmed by it all, especially given how let down you feel by your Mum.

First things first, I think you need to have an open and honest chat with your Mum about things.

Further to that, what other support network do you have? Can you look to build on it, and put other thing in place that can help to take the pressure off you a bit.

You are dealing with a lot of things here, emotionally, and practically.

I really admire what you are doing, I think it's wonderful, but it's ok to not feel ok, and it's ok to ask for help - you are not a failure, you haven't let anybody down, and you've certainly nothing to be embarrassed about.

You should be proud of yourself.

I've tried having a google to see if there are any support lines or groups, and there are a few - maybe have a google yourself and look for a support group, so that you can get some peer support - I don't think it would be a bad thing to speak with your social worker, they are there to help you, not judge or chastise you. As long as your children are being well cared for, which they are, then they will help put things in place to support you, not chastise you or try and take your Niece away from you.
(I'm sorry I can't help in terms of not having any experience of this, myself)

You say: "my family are desperate she stays with the family by hook or by crook " but this doesn't seem the case, especially as far as your mother is concerned. You must talk to her and say that if they really mean it, they really have to mean it and help you out and not give lip service.

What you're doing is amazing, it really is. ❤️

I'm a foster carer and it is certainly much more challenging and demanding than you ever think it will be. It's really important to reach out for support when you need it - do you have a supervising social worker you can contact? Or Foster Talk are an excellent organisation who support foster carers with all aspects - try and get in touch with them. Good luck - you are doing an amazing thing

I think you know you won't give her up or do wrong by her, just look at her and remind yourself she's only little once and that it will get easier ❤

You know what? You're a little star. You're doing something so bloody good for this kid it's unbelievable.

It will become easier. Right now it's a shock to your system and your adjusting still. It will become more your normal as time goes on, and it will get to thr stage you love her like your own.

You need to talk to your mum. Explain uou need help to her. She may not realise the impact her behaviour is having.

Thanks for the advice.
I have spoken openly with my mum about the effect this is having on me, I even had to go to the doctors for blood test as I thought something might be wrong due to extreme tiredness but bloods came back normal so it's just general exhaustion.
I've cried to my mum about this and opened my door to her at 6am with heavy eyes as I had to tell her to come and help me as I was nearly falling asleep and was worried I may fall asleep and therefore leave my niece in danger.
I live alone with the children.
She has helped a lot lately but when we made arrangements last week and she didn't show up she said she had dishes to do, which saddens me because if she had have helped me out I could have helped her with her own stuff.
Only last week I was on my hands and knees cleaning for her as she had so much to do and had spent the morning with me and the children so I thought only fair to chip in, she is the only one who does domestic stuff in her house and gets little help from our relatively large brood, so I can understand there is pressure for her too.
I just thought we could help each other.
She has been wonderful but what worries me is that I'm due to start university soon and she had agreed to babysit, what If she let's me down then?
I just feel there is so much pressure on both of us in many ways.
She has begged to have her overnight but I don't want to take advantage as mum is not getting any younger, although this week I asked if she could take her for one night.
Mum's reaction was why?, where are you going? I said I'm not going anywhere I just need one night to myself, one lye in in the morning, she sounded quite reluctant (she has been the one pushing for overnights).

And no, I'm afraid I don't have a good support network around me in a practical sense, I'm also the type of person who doesn't like to ask other people (outside of family) for help.
I have a couple of friends but they have children too and I just wouldn't want to burden them at all.

I will have a look in Google, most times I'm quite confident in my abilities and I do love niece as my own, I don't want her going through care system and I despair at what sort of mental issues she will be left with in adulthood if her life went down that road.
I'm trying my best, I'm just scared I can't do it sometimes. My child is primary age so going back to having such a young baby around has knocked the wind out of me in the early hours.
She is playful and excitable and I love her personality and enthusiasm but at 5 am it's a real struggle n I feel I'm failing sometimes.
Sorry for the moan, I just needed to get it all off my chest.
As I said. I've spoken to mum but she has form for letting me down in the past.
I worked in the hospital a few years ago and was new to the job, trying to make a good impression and work hard but she would say she was busy at the last minute (the night before) and I had no childcare in place, I had to leave that job.
I'm thinking I should get some proper childcare in place for starting uni.
Please don't think I take advantage of my mum, I do anything for anyone in this family, popping to the shops, buying things they need, helping out with housework or whatever else they need, so I don't feel it's a case of abusing my mums time and energy.
I always contribute in anyway I can and I always say how grateful I am and thank her over and over.
My sister on the other hand.. Takes it all for granted I feel