Am I just being sensitive?

[chickacharlie]

I've just stopped taking a contraceptive pill which has reallllly messed with my hormones. I've been extra sensitive since taking it, so bear with me... am I being a bit sensitive here or do I have a right to feel a bit bleurgh.

It's DPs birthday next week. My parents have offered to have DS so we can enjoy a day out without the baby, have a drink, not have to worry about stopping for feeds and changes etc... just a day being adults again!

It's the last month of my maternity leave so money is tight, and DP has been saying for weeks 'please don't buy me a present for my bday this year, I mean it, I really don't want one, we can't afford it, let's just hang on until both back at work and maybe have a European break at Xmas.'

So anyway, I arranged for parents to have baby, so we can enjoy a day out in a city in the U.K. we have not been to before. DP is really into photography at the moment, and it's a pretty city and I thought he'd enjoy having a mooch, taking some pictures and having lunch and a drink just the pair of us.

I've just told him the plan and his reaction was: 'oh. Yeah okay. I mean. Okay'
'Are you disappointed? I thought it would be a nice day out, it's supposed to be a really nice city'
'Well I can't say anything now can I. But I'd rather have gone to my aunts anniversary party. You said you'd organised something good'

• aunts anniversary party is a four hour drive away, and cheapest hotel in the area is nearly £200 now which we can't afford and drive is so long for baby, we had already agreed not to go.

'So your present is the day out, and I've booked somewhere nice for lunch'

'Okay. Well it will be the first birthday I've not had a present to open'

AIBU to think reaction is ungrateful?

YAnbu. If he wanted something specific, he should have said.

My ex told me he didn’t want a party for his 40th. Emphasised how he hated parties, they always made him feel tense and exhausted. So I organised a day out, just the two of us, and he moaned for weeks that I “hadn’t bothered”

I think he sounds very ungrateful.

It seems like you have planned a thoughtful day out that is within your budget, as agreed, and all he has done is whinge.

Have you pointed out to him that it was his idea not to buy a gift? Or that the trip to the anniversary party would be very expensive and a slog to get to?

YANBU he sounds ungrateful. Honestly it’s a bit of a childish reaction, you put the day together for him and for him to have a flounce is a bit embarrassing for an adult. Would he rather have opened a pair of socks?

How childish. He made it clear he didn’t want a present. You arranged a thoughtful day out.

YANBU. He sounds irritating.

Urgh my dh did this when I was on maternity leave with our first... He said for weeks "please just get me a card" and still moans now 3 years later! Forgetting I took him for fancy Ice cream at the coast and then tea out!

Bloody men... bastards at times5

He really needs pointing out that he should think before he speaks. When DH says things like this I'll say something like "rewind that, think, and realise why I'm not answering" - he usually works it out for himself.

It's really sulky and silly for him to behave like that but (generalising hat on) I think a lot of men with young children go through a period of having no excitement about anything and frequently contradict themselves; sometimes the best solution to this is sending a text pointing out the extreme contradiction with words previously out of their own mouths - this is how I deal with it anyhow, saves stress!

I feel for you as you have put an effort in.

He's a git.

He sounds like a fucking 5 year old. I wouldn't do a DAMN THING for or with him on the day.

That's so shitty. If he had a specific expectation then it's his responsibility to say so. I think your whole attitude is quite lovely.

You've been thoughtful, caring, kind and indulgent. If he can't see that then he's not looking at it right or you might not have explained properly. Give him another chance to "get it".

yanbu

I would be really pissed off with this actually. I think you need to tell him you are not happy with his reaction and why. He sounds like a self absorbed child.

Why didn't he just say he wanted to go to his aunt's party when you were invited? It's just odd when people don't discuss things like that with their partner, Just because it is his birthday doesn't mean other things don't happen. If you were invited to a party and he wanted to go he could have arranged to do so. Why did he leave it to you to read his mind?

'Well I can't say anything now can I. But I'd rather have gone to my aunts anniversary party. You said you'd organised something good' if this really is what he said then he is a bit of a dick actually. I wouldn't be impressed to find out I was married to a selfish immature idiot.

he sounds 15. Tell him to go to his aunt's anniversary party (mind you I'm struggling to imagine a grown man saying "I really want to go to my aunt's anniversary party") and kip on their couch and that will be his present. You can go out for lunch yourself.

He really said it- it's escalated since my OP. He kept asking to find out where I'd booked for lunch on his actual birthday for the three of us to go to incase it wasn't 'cool' enough. He now has no surprises, is fast asleep, I'm angry- I've just text him a message to read when he wakes up along lines of- don't want totally about it any more, but I'll cancel reservation and day out and you can sort your own bday plans out.

Men, eh

My husband tell me every year he doesn’t want a present. I always get him one though.

I’m not as humble though. I’m like Dudley Dursley. I WANT 12.