How do I tell my friend?

32 replies

Sandstormbrewing · 02/08/2018 21:25

Blatantly posting for traffic, and have named changed as would hate her to put 2+2 together.

Long standing friend but live opposite ends of the country (Kent & Newcastle) so see each other rarely. She's got 1 DC and recently had tfmr, which was obviously very upsetting for her. She's desperate for DC2 & really struggling.

I've got 1 DC, same age as hers and have found myself unexpectedly (we were 1 and done) pregnant.

I'm 13 weeks. How on earth do I tell her? I think it's very likely that she'll stop talking to me, at least for a while. I just want to cause least hurt to her.

Help please.

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Original poster

Sandstormbrewing · 03/08/2018 08:35

emsmum79 most of our communication is via whatsapp and text with the occasional phone call. Last time I told her I was pregnant I text her a scan picture saying "snap" (as she had told me she was pregnant a week or so earlier). So I wouldn't turn it in to a big deal, I'd just let her know like I would normally but possibly not quite so glibly if you see what I mean.

It won't be for a while yet, as I say we haven't told family and I don't really intend to tell anyone until I have to. It's taking a bit for me to gt my head around as we weren't planning any more, can't really afford it and I was on a career path after returning from mat leave! So until my head is in a better place I don't really want to be telling anyone. (we aren't unhappy, it's taking a bit of adjustment in our thinking and planning!).

OP posts:

Original poster

Sandstormbrewing · 03/08/2018 08:38

Iwantaunicorn our normal communication is via text, as were our last pregnancy announcements to each other, so I think text is the way to go as that's normal for us.

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barleyfive · 03/08/2018 08:48

You know your friend best, and seems text may be the way forward. It's so hard isn't it but you seem like an amazing friend for thinking it through and considering her feelings. We have someone in our friendship group who has been through 2 cycles of IVF (heartbreakingly unsuccessfully), and another friend who was aware but declared in the middle of the pub she was 8 weeks but didn't want it; not judging how she felt, the insensitivity when knowing what was going on was astounding. I have recently discovered I am pregnant, and sent a message which she responded to a few days later (I am guessing when it has digested)- we have spoken about it in person since but I am following her lead.

Happygoldfinch · 03/08/2018 08:48

@singlenotsingle - ignore the ragers. I think most of us on here knew that you meant that in difficult times we do sometimes reach for superstition, however silly we know our thoughts are being.

mineisarossini · 03/08/2018 09:15

A short text telling her that you wanted her to be the first to know, you understand how hard things are for her, and hopefully by the time she reads it she will have some good news of her own.

I will never forget my friends face when I told her I was pregnant, and she burst into tears and told me she had a miscarriage a few days before (and early one) but the nonetheless her third miscarriage. I felt awful, even though she was holding off telling anyone until 12 weeks because of her past experiences.

Keep it low key, factual and then flip the conversation back on to her if she calls you.

kateandme · 03/08/2018 09:17

don't worry.you will get your heads round it.i know it seems overwhelming right now and the fac tyour thinking of your friend ontop of that is lovely.
if text is the way to go.maybe tell her all you need her to know.the facts and then how much you love her.and the fact you wanted to tell her via text so she could be free to feel exactly and rightly however she needs to.but that youd love to get in touch as soon as shes ready so just reach out.

KM99 · 03/08/2018 09:31

Definitely tell her in writing. And avoid any platitudes along the lines of *it will happen for you" etc etc. People think they are being helpful but it's highly insensitive.

I had a series of miscarriages while friends around me fell pregnant. I'm now trying for second child and it's been over a year, again friends seem to be falling pregnant everywhere. I'm am super, super happy for them but I find it easier to get the news via email or text (not f2f) as it gives me a chance to deal with the normal, very quick reaction that I am also a little bit jealous.

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